We have two dogs. There's The Big Dog, who this is about, and The Little Dog... who I'll most likely write about later because she's freaking crazy. But no, I must tell you about The Big Dog.
First of all, The Big Dog is huge. He weighs at least one hundred and ten pounds. Somebody who saw him said that he's grown so he could, quite possibly, weigh more than that. When he stands up, I can sit on him like a horse. (Well, I can but then he walks away because he doesn't like that. He only lets my mom sit on him.) His chain outside is 3/4 inch thick; he broke everything smaller than that and I think his chain will need to be replaced soon. (He's also whittling down the tree the chain is around. I'll have to update with a picture to show what I mean.)
When he was only forty pounds-ish, he broke a window chasing a truck because it was too loud. When he was about fifty-ish pounds, he completely tore up the couch (stuffing everywhere, huge holes, you could see the floor looking where you would usually sit) because an old neighbor was teasing him through the window that had just been fixed.
Despite all of that, he's a big baby when it comes to my mom and I. He will sneak up and completely pin us down when he wants attention. When he wants food, he'll sneak up, take it ever so carefully, and trot like a horse while grinning in success. He protects the cats, The Little Dog, and my bunny like they were his puppies. (Considering Momma took away his ability to have puppies, he could be confused since they're all so small compared to him. Then again, he's also made up of two working dogs, so that could be it.)
Even though The Big Dog as split personalities, he's not usually crazy. I mean, he acts crazy when it comes to people being in his sight, but he's actually pretty sane... Or that's what I always thought. Tonight, only an hour or so ago, he made me wonder if I was wrong.
He was walking over to the door to do his ritual of sniffing it to check if anybody was outside before he went to go lay down. All of the sudden, he paused and turned like he was going to bite his tail. Then he growled at his butt. The Big Dog growled at his butt. Then he continued on his way like nothing happened.
UPDATE: Here is that picture of The Big Dog's tree that I promised. You can also see the smaller chain that he broke but got tangled in the bigger one, which he still uses.