Today, I am to sleepy for a real post. My mom and I grilled out yesterday and today we went to the fair. I'm just going to tell you about two interesting conversations I've had and then I'll tell you about the fair (complete with pictures!) later on.
The first conversation was with my good friend Ashley. She, like myself, doesn't drink. We both have many opinions about it but I'm tired and lazy and they're not very entertaining, so I'm not going to list them. Well, on Friday night, her uncle in law (I think? it was her husband's uncle) basically challenged her to drink and said he would give her sixty dollars to finish the drink.
Originally, it was only supposed to be one shot of vodka. Her husband, Gino, told them that they weren't allowed to give her straight alcohol. That was when they put two and a half (so they claim) shots of vodka into this giant fish-bowl sized glass with cranberry juice. We're not convinced it was less than three shots, since it would be incredibly easy to get confused with the shape of the glass.
They also told her to chug the drink.
Guess who called me, completely drunk, about half an hour later?
Everyone else had already gone to bed and the phone call lasted for about an hour or so and I don't remember all of it, because I was laughing so much and she found it impossible to stay on topic. She doesn't remember much after calling me because it "got foggy", but I'm just impressed she remembered that she called me at all. There was also a lot of giggling for nearly every response on both ends, but I don't feel like typing all that too.
Ashley: Rachel. I think I'm drunk. Do you think I'm drunk? How do I know if I'm drunk. I think I'm drunk.
Me: I think you're drunk too. Maybe not shit-faced, but you're going to have a hangover tomorrow.
Ashley: I don't want a hangover.
Me: I don't want you to have a hangover. Go drink some water and eat some bread to help cut back the alcohol some.
Ashley: Go eat bread and what?
Me: Drink water.
Ashley: Okay. Have you moved yet? Who's that I hear? Is that your mom? Wait, you still live with your mom, right?
Me: That's the TV, but yes, I still live with my mom. I move in a month-ish.
Ashley: Why am I in the kitchen? Didn't you say something about water and bread? Or did I imagine that?
Me: I told you to drink water so that it might help cut back the feeling of the alcohol a little bit. Eat some bread too.
Ashley: Okay. I'll get water. So, Rachel, tell me about yourself.
Me: What? What do you want to know?
Ashley: I don't remember. Hey! They're all asleep. They're all asleep on the couch!
Me: You should draw on their faces with markers. Wait. I probably shouldn't tell you that. I'm a bad influence.
Ashley: That's a good idea. I don't have a Sharpie though. I only have a dry erase marker.
Me: That would work. Wait. I shouldn't encourage that either, should I?
Ashley: I want to draw a mustache on him. I'm going to draw a mustache.
Me: Alright then.
Ashley: Didn't you tell me to drink water?
Me: Yes, I did. Are you drinking water?
Ashley: Yes but I kind of want to make another drink because I like juice.
Me: That's probably a bad idea. You don't want to get totally wasted.
Ashley: I think I'm going to make another drink.
Me: Ashley, you're going to end up with a massive hangover if you do. Drink some water.
Ashley: -like she never heard me- I think it might be a bad idea. Maybe I'll stick to water.
Me: That's a good idea Ashley.
Ashley: If you hear crying, that's because Jude should be waking up to eat soon. I'll be happy when he sleeps through the night. He cries from 11 until 2:30 every night. For no reason. Nothing makes him happy.
Me: No wonder you've been so tired.
Ashley: Hey, do you like Phenias and Ferb?
Me: I don't watch it unless I'm working.
Ashley: I love Phenias and Ferb. Actually, I like the little Arab guy and the bully guy. I don't like Candance though. She's mean. -suddenly really excited- YOU SHOULD COME LIVE WITH ME AND THEN WE CAN WATCH PHENIAS AND FERB TOGETHER.
Me: I want to move in a few years, get out of here.
Ashley: YOU CAN COME LIVE WITH ME AND GINO AND I WILL PUT MY KIDS IN YOUR DAYCARE. THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN.
Me: That sounds like a good plan.
Ashley: I want to go to Mapquest to see how far away you used to live.
Me: Alright, you should tell me.
Ashley: I'm drinking water.
Me: That's good. Make sure you don't forget about it.
Ashley: YOU USED TO LIVE SO CLOSE. NOW YOU LIVE SO FAR. STOP LIVING SO FAR AWAY.
Me: I plan on it as soon as I open the daycare.
Ashley: I hear Jude. Do you hear Jude? I hear Jude.
Me: -listening very closely- I hear him. He's so adorable.
Ashley: I'm feeding him. Will you be awake in like twenty minutes? It's hard to feed him and be on the phone. Can I call you back in like twenty minutes?
Me: Of course.
Ashley: Okay. I'll call you back in twenty minutes. I hope you answer. I'll be sad if you don't.
Me: I promise that I will answer my phone.
-ten minutes later-
Ashley: You answered!
Me: You called back fast.
Ashley: I realized I could put the bottle under my chin to feed Jude! What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get all of my eyeliner off.
Me: Make-up. You wear it too!
Ashley: YOU'RE PUTTING MAKE-UP ON?
Me: No.. I'm taking it off, so I can go to bed soon.
Ashley: Oh. I'm tired too. I think I want to go to bed when I finish feeding Jude.
Me: That's probably a good idea.
Ashley: I'm going to go to bed soon. I'm tired. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
We also covered many other topics, including her work, where I used to live, animals, her little boys, a few other TV shows, how she hoped my mom wouldn't think badly of her (my mom loves her), how my mom was so cool and she wanted to be adopted (my mom said "Alright, I'll adopt her!" so I guess that means Ashley and I are sisters now and I have two nephews lol), and a bunch of other stuff. That was the condensed version and took me an hour to type.
Moving on to the second conversation! It took place on Sunday, with my dear Sissi.
Rachel: Why hello there.
Rachel: What's up?
Sissi: nothing. you?
Rachel: I was a bug buffet today
Sissi: lol. whered you go
Rachel: Outside xD
Rachel: Mom cooked on the grill
Rachel: Boss Man and the kids and us were supposed to go to the park but they got the days confused because their schedules were changed upteenmillion times so we're doing it another weekend
Rachel: And tomorrow is the fair
Rachel: I'm so excited omg
Sissi: omg you're going???
Rachel: As of now, yes
Rachel: We have a plan to go right after it opens at 2
Sissi: Aww yeah!!!
Sissi: brb i have to eat dinner
Sissi: WOW OKAY OOPS I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS BACK
Rachel: YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME
Rachel: HOW COULD YOU SISSI
Rachel: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME
Sissi: I'M SORRY.
Rachel: I'M HEARTBROKEN SISSI
Sissi: I didn't mean to break your poor little heart!
Rachel: BUT YOU BROKE IT
Rachel: YOU BROKE IT SO HARD
Sissi: I SAID IM SORRY
Rachel: BUT MY HEART
Rachel: IT NEEDS SUPER GLUE
Sissi: um there is nothing i can do i don't have super glue
Sissi: LOL JUST KIDDING I'M NOT A JERK HERE YA GOOOO
Rachel: I CAN GLUE MY BROKEN HEART BACK TOGETHER
Rachel: ALL IS WELL AGAIN