Monday, July 23, 2012

And We Have A Winner!

     Just because I'm mean, I'll be posting the winner at the bottom of the post so you have to read everything before you get to it. (I mean, you could scroll down, but that's not really nice and you should totally read my post first.)

     First off, I have a bit of sad news. Yesterday, when I was checking for any new posts from ya'll, I looked and saw that I still had nineteen followers, which always makes me smile. A little while later, I was super bored so I looked again and I was suddenly down to eighteen followers. After a bit of detective work, I figured out who had suddenly decided to ditch my blog, but I won't give out their name.

     I just want to put it out there that that actually bugs me a lot. I mean, I know not everyone is going to love my blog, but it would at least me nice to know why I'm suddenly not good enough to be followed anymore. Because I curse too much? Because I've been lacking on the funny stories? Well, in that case, it sucks for them because I have another Ashley story. Who doesn't love a good story from when I talk to her? (PS, if you're new, this is the link to her blog.)

     As usual, I can't post everything that she said, since she is a very vulgar girl. Especially for somebody who doesn't curse. (No, seriously, I'll drop f-bombs three times in a sentence and some of the stuff she says makes me stop and be like "Wow, um, okay. Don't let your kid hear you use that word/phrase.")

     But that's okay, because I'm going to admit something to ya'll that I didn't think I wanted to tell anyone (except Sissi, because she knows everything about me).

     Ashley has been learning to belly dance because it's a great way to tone your abs and all that shit. She has been complaining about how Shakira (ha! I'm not totally stupid when it comes to people who don't do country or rock music) is so talented at dancing and how she's jealous. Somehow, that turned into her wanting to webcam with me (she lives in a different state than me, like EVERY FUCKING PERSON I know) to teach me out to belly dance.

     Okay, now, let me give you a little bit of a back story. Back when Sissi and I first started to become good friends, some of the main jokes were "Wow, Rachel, you can walk in a straight circle!" or "You know, if you got drunk, you'd probably be able to walk in a straight line." or "Damn, I hope you don't get pulled over. You'd never pass the test to walk straight and you'd be sober!" Plus, I am a klutz (like, I have dropped my phone 20+ times this week- that phone case was the best $48 I ever spent) and I'm always falling into things and shit. And I forget which is right and left sometimes. Wanna know what that means?

     I can't dance at all. Seriously. It's just a bad idea.

     But some how, Ashley convinced me to lift up my shirt to show my belly because she's a pervert and thinks I'm sexy that's how you know if you're using the correct muscles and shit. And then she actually tried to teach me one of the basic steps, which included turning, and me constantly tripping over my own feet.

     At one point, I dropped my phone. (I wasn't even touching it. I was moving my laptop so I could stand up.) A few times, my foot got stuck on my pants and I almost face-planted. A few other times, I just lost balance and had to catch myself on the table the laptop was on. Another couple times, I nearly knocked the laptop over. It... It was just bad, okay?

     We have now decided that we are both jealous of Sharika and since it was fucking hilarious, there will be more practice sessions to come. (No, Momma, you do not get to watch. That is why I waited until you were snoring in bed before I told Ashley to turn on the music.)

     Since we were already dancing, she also tried to teach me a couple other things, which ended up even worse because I don't know right from left without looking at my fingers. (Because when you hold up your index finger and thumb, your left hand makes and L and your right hand makes a backwards L.)

     After we were both sweating and my foot (it's been like six or seven weeks and I still have that hole in it, what the fuck?) was starting to hurt, we sat down to talk, in which she started.... Oh, I can't tell you guys that, sorry. Well, after we cooled off, I got to watch her run around in circles while she blasted awesome music because she had to clean her house.

     And she even sang for me. Guys, you have got to hear her sing. Oh. My. Gosh. Ashley is so fucking talented. (This is your subtle hint to leave her a shitton of comments begging her to let me post her youtube link or a video or have her to a guest post where she sings for you. You will be thanking me when you hear her.)

     By the way, yes, she was drinking. I found that out when she showed me her margarita and asked if I knew what that was. (Really, Ashley? Even I'm not that alcohol stupid. lol) However, she still says that she was only tipsy, so apparently being drunk has nothing to do with how vulgar she is. But she doesn't cuss. Which I still don't understand.

     I also learned, that even though she rarely comments, she stalks my blog. She totally creeps on my blog for posts but never comments to say she stopped by and hasn't had the energy to update her blog. So, I guess that kind of makes her a creeper, since I had to show her my tummy? But I love her and hate creepers so she's not a creeper by that logic alone.

     At one point, I had to pee, so I told her that and then I went to the bathroom. Like right after I got back, she had to pee and when she came back she was very quick to inform me that "That was like the best pee ever. Don't pretend you've never had one. You know you have. Like when you don't want to get up in the middle of the night and wake up in the morning." So yeah, thought I'd pass that message on to everyone. Apparently, she had the best pee ever and we should all know what exactly she meant.

     Okay, so, that was totally out of order and all over the place. But we all know that you came to find out the winner anyways, so here you go!


  1. Yay! I'm the winner :) So I get to tell you what to post about on Thursday? Okay, I'll give you three topics to choose from:
    1. What are ten things on your 'bucket list' that you want to do in your lifetime?
    2. What is your favorite childhood memory?
    3. What's the one thing you can't live without?

    1. Oooh, those are some very good topics! I'll get to work right away to make sure it's a good post for you!

  2. Yeaaa Jan Brady!!! Congrats Kianwi :)

    I'm sorry to hear that you lost a follower. It's just because they don't know how awesome you are ;)

    1. haha Thanks Jax. That's been my line of thinking too. They either don't know how awesome I am or they can't handle it. lol

    2. :0) Exactly!! Great thought process girl! Soon you'll get 2 new followers to make up for it.