Monday, August 13, 2012

An Open Letter To The Lady Who Did My Hair (Part Two)

Dear Bitch Hair-Dresser I Wrote An Open Letter To Before,
     Hello again! I hope you read my first letter, but in case you didn't, I'm going to briefly remind you of what you did but you can read the detailed version here. When Shorty took me to your salon, I asked you to give me black, purple, and bright red highlights, as well as layers. Instead, you dyed my hair black (for fifteen minutes longer than it even needed) and gave me red and purple chunks that you called highlights, which all washed out within a week. Not only that, but my hair began thinning drastically.

     Now that we're all up to date, I'm going to tell you what it's like to go to get your hair fixed after somebody messes it up so horribly. First of all, I believe it was kids day at JC Penny's because there were about fifteen kids just when we got there. That made it very noisy, after I was barely even to wake up in time to make the morning appointment.

     The lady who did my hair is named Debby. A couple of years ago, I dyed my hair bleach blond with one blue streak in it. However, that dye washed out into a toilet water blue, so she bleached it out and fixed my hair. She remembered us and proved it by telling us a story that happened with my old cat.

     Now, let me give you the before picture. This is not before you did my hair, Bitch Hair-Dresser. This is before Debby did my hair. Let's see how many different colors we can count, shall we?

Circled in red, is gray hair that I didn't know existed until I saw the picture.
I am fucking eighteen years old and I nearly cried because I was given GRAY hair.
     See? That's not a very good job at all. I can still see some black but it was so washed out, that it looked like a depressed unicorn threw up on my head. (...You know, because unicorns are all rainbows and stuff?) That's not a look I enjoy at all.

     After asking what I wanted done, I told her let's just dye it black, so that it will no longer look like poo while I wait for it to recover. She agreed and put in some orchid to the dye, so that it will have a shine and because it is good for my hair. My hair took the color fast, but she was still very careful of making sure as much changed as possible before I rinsed it out. Admittedly, some of it is still dark brown because I could not leave it on any longer.

This is when my roots were being dyed.

I had a lot of roots, considering all of the dye washed out.

This is my left ear (the right has a third piercing, in the cartilage) but also shows all of my hair in the dye.
     Since letting dye sit is rather boring, my mom entertained me while Debby went to fill up her coffee and buy a bag of chips. You see, she had been working all morning, fixing other hair victims (that is her specific job) so she had not yet eaten.

Those are my feet, with my pretty sparkly blue toes.

This makes my feet look big, but they're really not.

That is an accidental picture of the floor.

That took forever for Momma to take, considering everything is mirrors.
     Finally, the dye was able to come off my hair and I waited for it to finally be done so my hair could be pretty again. Debby put several things into my hair, all sorts of good chemicals and conditioners to help my hair heal. Instead of one simple one that you used, Bitch Hair-Dresser, that only make my hair smell pretty.

This is the sink. That is not all of the hair, nor as much as I have been faced with the drain every time I wash my hair.
     I was put under a shower cap with loads of conditioner and brought over to the hair dryer to set while she took care of another client. It was not even because she was booked, but because I needed to have a deep conditioning for that long, or even longer if there was time for it.

     There was a little girl, about eleven or so, who was in there with her family. I know all of them, but I cannot figure out from where. She kept smiling at me and telling me that it was going to look great. Since she was literally right in front of me, I watched her get a hair cut. She was really adorable.

     Next to me, a little boy, about four, tried to act like me by pulling on the hair dryer. His mom pulled out a camera phone and he froze. Then he broke into the biggest grin and yelled "CHEEEEEEEEEEESE" loud enough to be heard under the hair dryer.

     Then the hair dryer proceeded to fall on my head, because I had been sitting under it for so long. The little girl laughed and we sort of played peekaboo. I texted my mom that the hair dryer was trying to eat me and that she should save me. Instead, she took a picture.

It was a very awkward position but Momma never rescued me...
When she tried, it  fell on my head again.
     I was under there for quite some time and since I soon became bored, I began texting people. I started with Momma though, because I had not remembered to ask Debby about the hair cut and she was still considering what would be best for my hair.

Rachel: Ask Debby if getting a haircut would help and tell her I want my layers and bangs trimmed. Since you won't rescue me.
Momma: Yes she will and if you don't taste good it won't eat you
Rachel: She will what? Cut? Trim?
Momma: Shave
Rachel: Tell me dangit
Momma: Trim then shave
Rachel: There will be no shaving of anything except my legs. Which aren't even hairy.
Momma: So does that mean you're going to start braiding your pit hair?
(Okay, firstly, ew. Secondly, where the fuck does she come up with this shit?)
Rachel: Those will be shaved too. But they aren't hairy either.
Momma: I will check
Rachel: Middle finger
Rachel: Double middle finger
Rachel: Too bad kids are here
(See? I'm not that bad of a bad influence to children. I may let them have water gun fights in the house, but I don't let them hear cursing or see anybody getting flipped off... if I can help it.)
Momma: Add that up and it equals triple middle fingers
Rachel: Yep
Momma: Time two equals six
Rachel: You can do the math of a third gradet
Rachel: **grader
Momma: You have the spelling of a third 'gradet' grader
Rachel: That was a typo, my dear unable-to-do-math mother.
Momma: Yeah right and I just did math my dear forgetful daughter
Rachel: How am I forgetful, my dear in-need-of-a-personal-assistant-because-she-can't-remember-crap mother?

     Finally, I was free! She took me back to the sink to rinse my hair, though the main thing she did was moisten it with water and add a different conditioner that would be better to leave in my hair. After that, she towel dried it and cut my hair. I lost three inches, at the very least, off of my hair because of pure dead ends, which I should have no had considering I had a hair cut two months ago. Then, she added chi oil and scrunched it, though she did not use a single other heating product on my hair.

     You see, Bitch Hair-Dresser. I am only allowed to wash my hair every other day. Once a week I have to use a clarifying shampoo. Every time I wash it, I must use conditioner (which I actually already did). I must also use leave-in conditioner and chi oil. I also have to take vitamins/eat healthy foods so that my hair will be healthier. I also have to massage my scalp several times a day to make sure the blood is flowing properly in the follicles. Not only that, but I have to go back in exactly six weeks for anther deep conditioning and so Debby can see how well my hair is doing, as well as trim my hair so I don't have dead ends. To top it all off, I am not allowed to use any sort of heat in my hair at all, unless I absolutely have to look fantastic and even then I can only straighten my bangs.

Do you see how short it is now?

I promise that is not gray. It's the lighting.
Anybody who wants to argue can meet The Big Dog.
     I did receive many compliments from the neighboring people. The dryers were across from the stations, and every seat was filled. As I walked passed, every one I passed was taking turns saying that my hair looked much better and how great it looked on me. I squeaked and had to hide my face because it made me laugh. Then we ran to the bathroom because we (I) had not been allowed to leave and certain bladders felt like they were going to explode and I had blue eyeliner in full-on raccoon mode from all of the water from the sink.

This is my mom's shirt, because she got in the way of the dye.

This is a paper-towel dispenser in the bathroom.

This is the hand air dryer thing in the bathroom.

This is my mom's neck. That is my hair dye.
We have no fucking clue how that happened.
     After that, Momma and I left to go to the food court. You see, after having somebody try to save your hair for three hours and you did not eat breakfast, you tend to get a little hungry. We got pizza and sat down. Just as I was cutting a bite, I saw the little girl from early and she waved. I smiled and went to cut my pizza.

     Bitch Hair-Dresser, this is the only reason I can say I'm happy I had to get my hair done. The only reason. Nothing else is good enough for me to be happy things turned out the way they did.

     The little girl was walking passed me with her family so she turned and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me from behind. It was so beyond sweet that I don't even know what to do or say. She was adorable and really made me smile. But she was gone before I could hug her back or remember where I know her from.

     After that, I did some birthday shopping for my boyfriend. It mainly consisted of, "Hi cashier, I'm shopping for my boyfriend. Can you help me?..... Yes, he likes rap........ I don't know. I don't know shit about rap....................................... YES. THAT NAME. I RECOGNIZE IT." and then picking out two t-shirts. (Yes, it's okay to mention this.) Unfortunately, I had to tell him what it was because I didn't know the right sizes. So I get to go back to Hot Topic to trade them in. But I did find a few random other things he doesn't know about.

     Then we ran a few errands and went home. Since we were back in the part of town I know and Jan Brady (that's our car) was fixed, I got to drive. I was going about forty miles per hour and saw a guy walking along side the road. When I was about fifty feet away, I moved into the middle lane so I wouldn't be too close. He then walked across the street and I had to slam on my brakes so I would not commit vehicular manslaughter.

     Even though I was dead tired because I sleep all day instead of night and I had literally nearly accidentally almost committed a felony, we had to go out for dinner. Why, you ask, Bitch Hair-Dresser? Oh, because we had spent literally the entire day at the mall fixing your mistake so that we had not discussed dinner and did not have anything defrosting.

     We went to a nice restaurant because it was the first place I thought of. We had a nice waiter who over used the word "ma'am" and got scared when I asked him if I could have a knife. He probably thought I was going to stab him with it because I had bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep that your screw-up costed me, Bitch Hair-Dresser.

This was part of the fondu appetizer.

It was hard enough to give somebody a concussion.

I may be hyperglycemic and had three cups of sweet tea, but I wasn't nearly as hyper as Momma after two glasses of pink lemonade.
     I didn't get to drive home, but I could not have been more happy when we finally got there. I was exhausted. My feet hurt. My head hurt. And yet, I couldn't sit still because I had three cups of sweet tea because I always get unusually thirsty when we go out to eat.

     Now, this all really started because I didn't want to spend $100 to get my hair dyed and cut in JC Penny's. Let's add up everything that it cost because I went to a lady who needs to have her license taken away. $104 for hair treatment and chi oil. 4 hours of my life originally, which messed it up. 4 more hours of my life to fix it. 1 day with only 4 hours sleep. $100 for dinner because we had nothing to eat because of how long it took to start fixing my hair. 10+ years almost spent in prison because I wouldn't have been driving when that dumb bastard tried to cross the road had we not been at the mall. $Unknown for more chi oil, leave-in conditioner, and hair treatment in six weeks. $2 for clarifying shampoo. An unknown amount of stress, time spent trying to fix it, and public embarrassment because of my hair. An incredibly large amount of hair that went down the drain.

Fuck You And I Should Sue You Until You're Homeless But I'll Just Let Your Customers Leave Instead,


  1. Well at least now your hair is on the right path of being healthy again but on the bright side now you'll never have to see that lady again or let her come near your hair again. Plus short hair looks just as good as long hair does on you. Your still beautiful, so cheer up, you angry chica lol

    1. Thank you. x3 Well this comment cheered me up and made me laugh and smile. But you're right, I don't have to see her again and if she tries to come near my hair, I'll have her arrested for assault or something. lol

    2. Well of course it cheered you up and made smile, its what I do. You know this xP

    3. lol That is true. It's your job to make me happy and you're pretty good at that.

  2. Rachel your hair is beautiful even when it was multicolored. She goes near your hair one of two things will happen: 1 big dog may have an appetizer and 2 let's not say this one out loud for lack of witness reasons.

    And hi Wolfy!

    1. Gray hair and 10 colored hair is not beautiful on me. Don't even say it.

      And you really shouldn't mention feeding her to the dog on the internet because that would be evidence against you. Kinda backfired there, huh? lol

  3. Omg, you handled that so well!! I would have CRIED!!!! Oh one except for MY LADY is every allowed to lay a finger on my hair. No one else. Like, ever! As far as the colored hair goes...I can say from experience that it never really lasts more than a week. You could bleach your hair and the color will stay, but it will fade quickly. Blue also turns to green evenutally. You're better off putting in colored extensions. That's what I do.

    1. haha I wanted to! I had tears in my eyes and everything!

      I've never really had one hair person because of moving around and I only got my hair cut like once every six months when I was little. For my hair, I've never had trouble keeping my hair a certain color (except the blue) and I've been dying it since I was 12. I mean, I would get roots and it would lighten up after a few washes, but I would keep the actual color. (Actually, I can't seem to get rid of the straight red my hair was a year and a half ago haha.) But for blue and pink and stuff, I use extensions now, because those dyes don't last. And I can't bleach my hair at all for a long time because it's in such bad shape.

    2. Oh yea, I try to never bleach my hair. I do so many straightening chemicals that my hair would just fall out. ;) But, I love all the color you put in your hair. SO fun!

  4. haha I've only had it bleached once, to get the blue out. I usually straighten my hair with a flat iron but I can only do that with my bangs until my hair recovers from all of the dye. But it's okay because I'm learning new tricks with hairpins to make my hair still look cool without using 450 degree heat to make it behave. xD

    As for all of the colors I've had in my hair, thank you so much. x3 I like changing things up because it's fun. A (mostly) complete list of my hair colors is here haha

  5. I had no idea they had a person who specialized in 'fixing' hair mess-ups, but I guess it makes sense. Thanks goodness she was able to rescue your hair!

    Your pictures crack me up...the floor, a hair dryer, your mom's neck :) So random and funny!

    1. Neither did I. I think it's because she's been doing hair for like 20 years so she has a lot more experience than most people there? I still have a long way to go, but at least there's hope!

      haha Momma took all of them, except the one of her neck and her shirt. The only others I took show my face, so they're on Facebook but not here.

  6. Even as a guy, I cringed while reading this. I hate when my hair is butchered. My last haircut, I told the girl I wanted it just a little bit shorter (and this is a salon, mind you, not some place like Great Clips. I'm paying good money to be here). It was all tall and spiky and trendy looking. Think David Tennant. She then proceeds to cut it so short it looked like a buzz cut. Oh, and she sheared off my entire sideburns. Like, all the way up to the skull. Without asking. If you know anything about me (even see on the blog), my sideburns are who I am.

    So instead of looking more cleaned up, I looked like an inbred army recruit. Needless to say I'm never going back.

    1. I spent $80 to go to Bitch Hair-Lady because I was trying to save money, since I didn't have that much extra to spend. Instead, I'm paying more than double because she messed up my hair though.

      But I'm sorry she tried to turn you force you into the military with your haircut. But hey, at least it'll grow out.