Dear People Who Imitate Elephants In Restaurants,
Hi there. You probably don't know me, but that's okay. I'm either the quiet table that nobody even notices, or I'm the loud obnoxious table that either causes you to laugh or annoys you. Usually when you are around, I am one of the former. Actually, upon getting my job in a restaurant and seeing what servers deal with, I really tend to behave myself.
You are the person who blows your nose so loudly that the entire restaurant hears, no matter how loud it is. I cannot tell if you are actually blowing your nose or imitating an elephant. Either way, I do not appreciate this noise. I do not mind an actual elephant imitation but when it sounds like you are trying to put your brain through your nose, I want to throw up.
Please do not do this. It is rude and I witnessed four different tables leave when you did this in iHop a couple weeks ago. They had only gotten their food a few minutes before and then you made that noise. Nobody said a word to you, but everyone stared at you and fell silent. Every single person looked disgusted.
After the fourth time of this happening, I finally had enough. I was trying to enjoy my meal and I could not deal with it anymore. I was tired of gagging my food down and I had to go to work, where I would have to deal with my rather rude trainer. I was rude to you and I am fully aware of this.
"Wow, that is just so classy." "If I can go to the bathroom to blow my nose, why can't they?" "Oh my gosh. Really? Just get up."
Those were three phrases I used, when you still continued to disrupt the entire place. I did not tell them to you directly and I did not say them loudly enough for anyone to hear, except for you. You were right behind me, right in my ear, making a sound that caused me- and others- to physically gag.
It was rude of me to say these things and I am sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude. However, it was not polite of you to do such a thing either.
Please, if you need to blow your nose in a restaurant, know that it's okay. It happens to everyone. Just please, either do so quietly, or go to the bathroom so you do not make people literally gag on their food and struggle to finish it.