Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Fair!

      When I was little, I went to fairs with my parents. The problem is, I barely remember anything about them. I remember my dad throwing darts and winning me a stuffed animal. I remember doing the duck game where you'd pick a duck out of a pool of water (I was really good at that one and apparently, I get that from my mom, because she got all three ducks right). But that's all I really remember.

     That's why I was super excited that the fair was in town. Of course, in the six years since moving here, there have been other fairs. I only went to Oktoberfest though, which isn't a normal fair so it didn't have all the normal things. The other times, things just didn't work out. This time it did.

     I took about sixty nine pictures and nine different videos of my mom and I playing the games. Unfortunately, since eight of the videos show our faces, I can only show you one. But hey, you'll get to be blinded by my knee, cuteness of baby goats, and you'll even hear my voice!

     Since most of the pictures were different animals and 70% were goats, I'm going to cut back the numbers some and just show you the ones I really liked.

The alleged "World's Largest Pig", weighing in at over one thousand pounds.
The alleged "World's Smallest Horse", weighing in at 53 pounds at 4 years old.
I won him with the dart game. Turns out I take after my daddy for that one too, because I was pretty decent for somebody who never throws darts.
Momma won her with that duck game I told you about. Please excuse the poor innocent random person that ended up in the picture.
This cute little thing is my friend. She (he?) was hiding under the pony guy's chair and I stopped to pet her. She (he?) liked me.
I won the shark playing a fishing game where you had to see how many toy sharks you could hook on a toy rod. I had a total of six in one game (three tries per game).
Momma won him in the shark game. I think she caught a total of eight sharks in her game.
Baby goats are so cute.
Even when they're ignoring you.
Or sleeping in their food.
Or just being cute.
I asked him not to impale me with his long horns and he ignored me.
He just kinda stood there. He was probably happy my phone didn't have flash photography.
I wanted to pet him because he looked really soft but I couldn't reach and sticking my hand through the wires, near his mouth, seemed like it could be potentially painful.
The big sheep walked over and turned the other one into a pillow right as I aimed my phone/camera. It was sweet.
They looked much tinier compared to the big sheep.
She made me wait to take a picture until she ever so slowly finished a huge bite of hay.
Another little baby!
He didn't seem to care about anything as long as he could sleep.
Sorry that one is biting his ass. I like the one that's looking for attention by putting his nose through the wire.
Doesn't she look soft?
Baby goat!
Giant pigs but very small compared to the first one.
Baby goats that loved me!
Baby goats that loved other people! And the other people's feet!


The promised video! For the record, I can count. When I said "And now there's two more", I meant "Now there are two more coming." even though there were a total of four demanding attention.
I asked him not to impale me and he very kindly turned his head away from me.
Chickens!
An itty bitty baby goat.
The itty bitty baby goat's mama who did not seem to like me.
Rams. Never saw them in real life before. I actually wasn't entirely sure what they were. (My guess was mountain goats, which is almost right.)
Texas Longhorn!
He actually pissed for like two minutes straight when I aimed the camera. I guess he didn't want his picture taken.
Oh well.
Duck, duck, goose!
Geese and Thanksgiving dinner!
Oh, wait, sorry.
Geese and turkeys!
He posed for the picture. I thanked him.
At first I thought it was awesome he was standing on the wires and how he must want attention.
Then Momma realized he wanted to lick the outside of my lemonade cup.
I asked him not to impale me and he actually kept turning his head towards me whenever I got within touching distance.
Momma won the monkey in a racing game against me where you aim the water gun at the target.
     Other things not shown include a shooting game that I lost. I shot two holes in the paper and the entire time the paper was moving, but I don't think the BBs in it were strong enough to go through the paper and I think the gun weighed more than I did. There was also a ball throwing game to try to get the ball into a little bowl of fish to win a gold fish. The ball kept bouncing back.

     I ate a hamburger that was supposed to have ketchup, lettuce, onion, and pickles on it. They gave me lettuce and tomatoes, which was very disappointing to my taste buds. Momma ate enough spicy nachos to make an army happy. And we visited the funny lemonade man twice because it was the best lemonade ever. I meant to get a candied apple before we left but I forgot.

     We didn't go on any rides because the only ones they had were the Ferris Wheel and super spinny make you through up rides and kiddy rides. I wanted to go on the kiddy ones but they wouldn't let me. We did play most of the games they had, since it was a pretty small fair. We only had to wait in lines for food.

     Dart Guy was bad ass. When my dart bounced off a balloon (twice) he popped them for me when nobody else was looking. Gun Guy was a looser because that was one of the rigged games you hear about. I know that because my daddy taught me to shoot so there's no way I should have missed that much. Duck Guy was pretty cool  because he was asking questions about my phone and holding up conversations. Shark Lady was funny. She held up conversations and made us laugh and told us the trick to the game, which was cool. Racing Dude was lame. He just kind of stood there and didn't do anything, which was disappointing. Goldish Old Guy was okay. He didn't really do anything entertaining but he was pretty encouraging.

     Next year is going to be awesome, when they come back. Only next time, I'll hopefully have enough target practice in to totally show up Gun Guy and his rigged game.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Conversations From The Weekend

     Today, I am to sleepy for a real post. My mom and I grilled out yesterday and today we went to the fair. I'm just going to tell you about two interesting conversations I've had and then I'll tell you about the fair (complete with pictures!) later on.

     The first conversation was with my good friend Ashley. She, like myself, doesn't drink. We both have many opinions about it but I'm tired and lazy and they're not very entertaining, so I'm not going to list them. Well, on Friday night, her uncle in law (I think? it was her husband's uncle) basically challenged her to drink and said he would give her sixty dollars to finish the drink.

     Originally, it was only supposed to be one shot of vodka. Her husband, Gino, told them that they weren't allowed to give her straight alcohol. That was when they put two and a half (so they claim) shots of vodka into this giant fish-bowl sized glass with cranberry juice. We're not convinced it was less than three shots, since it would be incredibly easy to get confused with the shape of the glass.

     They also told her to chug the drink.

     Guess who called me, completely drunk, about half an hour later?

     Everyone else had already gone to bed and the phone call lasted for about an hour or so and I don't remember all of it, because I was laughing so much and she found it impossible to stay on topic. She doesn't remember much after calling me because it "got foggy", but I'm just impressed she remembered that she called me at all. There was also a lot of giggling for nearly every response on both ends, but  I don't feel like typing all that too.

Ashley: Rachel. I think I'm drunk. Do you think I'm drunk? How do I know if I'm drunk. I think I'm drunk.
Me: I think you're drunk too. Maybe not shit-faced, but you're going to have a hangover tomorrow.
Ashley: I don't want a hangover.
Me: I don't want you to have a hangover. Go drink some water and eat some bread to help cut back the alcohol some.
Ashley: Go eat bread and what?
Me: Drink water.
Ashley: Okay. Have you moved yet? Who's that I hear? Is that your mom? Wait, you still live with your mom, right?
Me: That's the TV, but yes, I still live with my mom. I move in a month-ish.
Ashley: Why am I in the kitchen? Didn't you say something about water and bread? Or did I imagine that?
Me: I told you to drink water so that it might help cut back the feeling of the alcohol a little bit. Eat some bread too.
Ashley: Okay. I'll get water. So, Rachel, tell me about yourself.
Me: What? What do you want to know?
Ashley: I don't remember. Hey! They're all asleep. They're all asleep on the couch!
Me: You should draw on their faces with markers. Wait. I probably shouldn't tell you that. I'm a bad influence.
Ashley: That's a good idea. I don't have a Sharpie though. I only have a dry erase marker.
Me: That would work. Wait. I shouldn't encourage that either, should I?
Ashley: I want to draw a mustache on him. I'm going to draw a mustache.
Me: Alright then.
Ashley: Didn't you tell me to drink water?
Me: Yes, I did. Are you drinking water?
Ashley: Yes but I kind of want to make another drink because I like juice.
Me: That's probably a bad idea. You don't want to get totally wasted.
Ashley: I think I'm going to make another drink.
Me: Ashley, you're going to end up with a massive hangover if you do. Drink some water.
Ashley: -like she never heard me- I think it might be a bad idea. Maybe I'll stick to water.
Me: That's a good idea Ashley.
Ashley: If you hear crying, that's because Jude should be waking up to eat soon. I'll be happy when he sleeps through the night. He cries from 11 until 2:30 every night. For no reason. Nothing makes him happy.
Me: No wonder you've been so tired.
Ashley: Hey, do you like Phenias and Ferb?
Me: I don't watch it unless I'm working.
Ashley: I love Phenias and Ferb. Actually, I like the little Arab guy and the bully guy. I don't like Candance though. She's mean. -suddenly really excited- YOU SHOULD COME LIVE WITH ME AND THEN WE CAN WATCH PHENIAS AND FERB TOGETHER.
Me: I want to move in a few years, get out of here.
Ashley: YOU CAN COME LIVE WITH ME AND GINO AND I WILL PUT MY KIDS IN YOUR DAYCARE. THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN.
Me: That sounds like a good plan.
Ashley: I want to go to Mapquest to see how far away you used to live.
Me: Alright, you should tell me.
Ashley: I'm drinking water.
Me: That's good. Make sure you don't forget about it.
Ashley: YOU USED TO LIVE SO CLOSE. NOW YOU LIVE SO FAR. STOP LIVING SO FAR AWAY.
Me: I plan on it as soon as I open the daycare.
Ashley: I hear Jude. Do you hear Jude? I hear Jude.
Me: -listening very closely- I hear him. He's so adorable.
Ashley: I'm feeding him. Will you be awake in like twenty minutes? It's hard to feed him and be on the phone. Can I call you back in like twenty minutes?
Me: Of course.
Ashley: Okay. I'll call you back in twenty minutes. I hope you answer. I'll be sad if you don't.
Me: I promise that I will answer my phone.
-ten minutes later-
Ashley: You answered!
Me: You called back fast.
Ashley: I realized I could put the bottle under my chin to feed Jude! What are you doing?
Me: Trying to get all of my eyeliner off.
Ashley: Eyeliner?
Me: Make-up. You wear it too!
Ashley: YOU'RE PUTTING MAKE-UP ON?
Me: No.. I'm taking it off, so I can go to bed soon.
Ashley: Oh. I'm tired too. I think I want to go to bed when I finish feeding Jude.
Me: That's probably a good idea.
Ashley: I'm going to go to bed soon. I'm tired. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

     We also covered many other topics, including her work, where I used to live, animals, her little boys, a few other TV shows, how she hoped my mom wouldn't think badly of her (my mom loves her), how my mom was so cool and she wanted to be adopted (my mom said "Alright, I'll adopt her!" so I guess that means Ashley and I are sisters now and I have two nephews lol), and a bunch of other stuff. That was the condensed version and took me an hour to type.

     Moving on to the second conversation! It took place on Sunday, with my dear Sissi.


Rachel: Why hello there.
Sissi: hey
Rachel: What's up?
Sissi: nothing. you?
Rachel: I was a bug buffet today
Sissi: lol. whered you go
Rachel: Outside xD
Rachel: Mom cooked on the grill
Rachel: Boss Man and the kids and us were supposed to go to the park but they got the days confused because their schedules were changed upteenmillion times so we're doing it another weekend
Rachel: And tomorrow is the fair
Rachel: I'm so excited omg
Sissi: omg you're going???
Rachel: As of now, yes
Rachel: We have a plan to go right after it opens at 2
Sissi: Aww yeah!!!
Sissi: brb i have to eat dinner
Rachel: otay
Sissi: WOW OKAY OOPS I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS BACK
Rachel: YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME
Rachel: HOW COULD YOU SISSI
Rachel: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME
Sissi: I'M SORRY.
Rachel: I'M HEARTBROKEN SISSI
Rachel: HEARTBROKEN
Sissi: oops
Rachel: oops?
Sissi: I didn't mean to break your poor little heart!
Rachel: BUT YOU BROKE IT
Rachel: YOU BROKE IT SO HARD
Sissi: I SAID IM SORRY
Rachel: BUT MY HEART
Rachel: IT NEEDS SUPER GLUE
Sissi: um there is nothing i can do i don't have super glue
Sissi: LOL JUST KIDDING I'M NOT A JERK HERE YA GOOOO
Rachel: I CAN GLUE MY BROKEN HEART BACK TOGETHER
Rachel: ALL IS WELL AGAIN

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Six

     Guys, I'm really excited by this post. Bozo (AKA Lady in Red) from A Bozo's Abbozo wrote this post. She's the first person to offer to write a guest post (instead of me asking her specifically), which is one of the reasons I'm so excited, besides the fact that I love her blog. If you want to write your own guest post, check out everything you need to know here and send me an email at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com.



Rachel posted about embarrassing mom moments the other day - and the next thing I knew I was offering to write a guest post about embarrassing (but ever so fun) moments with me on the plane. I have two incidents to share and I'm going to do my best to keep myself from being too long-winded about them.

The first incident was when I was flying Cochin/Bombay. I must have been around twenty years old at the time and was travelling with a group of friends. Travel + friends = mega excitement for me. And when I get mega excited I go absolutely nutso!

I don't remember what started the whole thing; but somehow I became inspired to act as though I was mentally handicapped. I didn't actually drool, but I did everything else to the embarrassment and amusement of my friends. My hands flopped about in unusual directions, I laughed and wobbled my head around for no apparent reason, and finally, I began stacking the food on my tray.

As it so happened we had a very attentive steward taking care of us on that flight. He was hovering over me as I stacked my food and so I thought it would be approrpriate to ask him for a banana. Within a few minutes he was back at my side holding a lovely yellow banana of the highest order; however, even though my hand was reaching out for it eagerly, he didn't hand it over. Instead, he looked at my friend and asked, "Is it all right if I give it to her?"

It was all I could do to keep from bursting out with laughter! Up until that point, I hadn't realized how convincing my behaviour was; I presumed that he knew I was just joking around.

My second bit of craziness was on a flight from Houston to Paris. However, before I go any further, I want to say that even though I get a kick out of telling this story - the fact is - the groups I've travelled with have behaved infinitely worse than the happy people I'm about to describe. I think there's something about being surrounded by friends that makes you forget all else.

Ok, so I was travelling Houston/Paris and there was a group of about thirty Texan tourists on board the flight with me. They were decked out in full cowboy/gal costumes. Not really costumes of course, but all the cowboys hats, buckles, boots etc. It was a happy group. They were obviously excited about their journey and were having the time of their lives. The only problem was that they were so absorbed in said happiness that the rest of the world seemed to have vanished in their presence.

When we landed at Charles de Gaule, in Paris, there was a bus ready to take us from the plane to the terminal. I usually wait for the crowds to disembark because I hate the crush - and so it was that I ended up being the last person to board the bus.

Well, I wanted to board it, but I couldn't. I was stuck outside with two French businessmen because my happy group of fellow Texans had filled the front of the bus and left the back portion empty. There was plenty of room - all they needed to do was push on into the depths.

The French men and I stood there for a moment, watching as the little driver scampered back and forth in front of the group, begging them in French to move on back. However, the friendly Texans with their thick Southern drawls and loud laughter, didn't notice the petite driver's repeated bleats.

Feeling compassion for the driver, and feeling responsible for my fellow Texans, it occurred to me that I had to act. It's in these situations that my better self rises to the forefront. Something had to be done. So, taking in a deep breath, and filling my lungs with powerful air, I bellowed,

"MOVE IT!!! MOVE IT!!! ALL OF YOU, TO THE BACK OF THE BUS, NOW!!! MOVE IT!!!"

The response was immediate and gratifying. The herd was startled into jumping three feet in the air and, grabbing their bags, they stampeded to the back of the bus. All that could be seen for a moment was a cloud of dust; however, when it settled, there they were huddled together with their eyes rolling about wildly in their heads...

Standing by my side were the two French businessmen. They were holding their stomachs as they doubled over with laughter. Literally. I've never seen people laugh quite so hard. And of course the driver looked greatly relieved as he made his way to his seat.

All that was left to do was to step into the vacated area and primly sit down. Which I did with the utmost decorum.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Being Scarred For Life Was Actually Good

     Today, I thought I should tell you all why almost nothing embarrasses me anymore. I've told you about when I got my wisdom teeth out and a few smaller moments that would have left most people red-faced and trying to block out the horror they had just experienced. But I don't think ya'll really get just how much my mom has scarred me for life, thus making it difficult to embarrass me.

Example One:
     When I was sixteen, the lady I was babysitting for on and off was supposed to take a job so I would be babysitting full time. Since her three little girls were one, three, and four, we thought it would be best for me to take a CPR/first aid class to be certified in case anything were to happen. It was only a two day class, Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, if I remember correctly.

     Friday, I realized that I was one of the oldest people there. Most of the people were 11-13 or so, but there was a guy in 8th grade and a guy who's name I recognized. I spent the first hour trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar before he was like, "Hey! You're Rachel! Didn't you go to -insert school name here-? -insert girl's name here- was your best friend, right? I was in -insert teacher's name here- class, right across the hall in 6th grade! I thought you moved out of state? Did you just transfer schools?" Then I remembered who he was. We were never exactly friends, but we were always on friendly terms. After that, we did a lot of talking and caught up on some stuff.

     That night, my mom came to pick me up. I said bye to him and then ran across the parking lot. Half way across, the teacher yelled at me for not looking both ways and that only caused me to stop in the middle of the road. Good going, teacher! Way to make me stop because I think a car is coming when they were all waiting anyways!

     So, the next day, I sat next to the friend and we spent nearly the entire class talking and laughing. You know those people in class that don't shut up and are always causing trouble and should be kicked out, but some how they never get caught? Yeah, that was us. It was nice to have a friend in class, since I was already out of public school by that point, and I had forgotten what it was like.

     Later that day, I think it was some time after lunch, because I remember eating while we were there, my mom came to pick me up again. She swerved into a parking space, got out, and climbed onto the car, wearing a florescent pink and orange jogging outfit. Then she proceeded to jump up and down, while waving her arms, and yell "RACHEL. MOMMY IS HERE TO GET YOU. COME TO MOMMY, RACHEL."

     That barely even phased me. I turned to the guy, I guess he was a friend for those two days but I don't really know, and said, "I guess my ride is here. I'll see you later." before running across the parking lot (I think I forgot to check for cars again) and getting into the car.

Example Two:
     When I was about fifteen or sixteen, my mom and I went to the mall. I think I was supposed to be getting a new outfit for my birthday or something completely irrelevent. Maybe I just had money to spend because when I had money, the first two places you could find me were Hot Topic and F.Y.E. That sounds about right.

     Well, we ended up in Sears, waiting on our neighbor/ride who was looking for some sort of drill. We were bored but we couldn't exactly leave, so we ended up walking around the store when two guys, my age or a little bit older, walked passed us.

     Then my mom whisper-yelled (you know, when you're whispering but doing so very loudly, like you're pretending to be subtle), "Hey, look at those two hot guys! Let's go pick them up!" Keep in mind, she's usually accused of being my sister and younger than her (assumed) age of twenty-five.

     I'm one of those people who believes everyone is beautiful in their own way and all that junk, but to be perfectly honest, these guys were classified under the dork area. They were little kid adorable, even though they were probably fifteen-seventeenish.

     Five minutes later, we're still walking around, they walk right passed us again. I turn around to look, to see if it was in fact the same guys, and they were staring at our asses.

Example Three:
     Sorry guys, but that's all I've been able to think of so far. You have no idea how difficult it is to come up with a third story. Things don't classify as embarrassing to me. Things barely even classify as 'should be embarrassing', which is what I've shared so far. Tell me some of your stories?

P.S. It would be even better if you shared some of your stories for Guest Post Saturday.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

"Will you fasten my neckless?" lolwtf just happened here?

     This has been such a long few days. There was a lot of drama and lack of communication that resulted in me not working at all last week, until the weekend. Friday night, I went to the movies with Shorty, her husband Mr Fix-It, their roommate, her kids, and her boyfriend. We were out until after midnight even though I had to be at work at ten both Saturday and Sunday.

     We went to see Battleship, which I actually didn't want to see. Normally, I loath movies like this and refuse to watch them. I was very, very impressed. It made me laugh, there weren't nearly as many depressing "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL HIM/HER?" moments, and it was just good in general.

     After that, we saw Dark Shadows. Well, Shorty, Mr Fix-It, and I did. Everyone else left. Let me start off saying that Tim Burton is my favorite direction, Helena Bonham Carter is my favorite actress, Johnny Depp is my favorite actor, and Danny Elfman is my favorite movie musical person (I don't know his official title). Every time any of these people do something, I just have to see it. Dark Shadows was no different and it impressed me, just like every other movie any of them have been involved with has.

     I really should have been kicked out of the theater. I snuck in a rootbeer because they don't sell them and it's the best thing to drink when eating a giant soft pretzel with nacho cheese (my favorite movie theater snack). The manager kept walking back and forth and eyeing me during the first movie and since nobody was behind or in front of me during the second, I had my feet propped up and my cell phone out during the entire thing. There may or may not have been popcorn throwing as well.

     Saturday was a good day, but very long. It started with my mom and I going to WalMart to get a couple of things. Does anyone remember this post, where my mom scarred the poor lady with the awesome shirt for life? We predicted the chick would probably never ever go back to that WalMart. Same aisle we saw her at last week, I suddenly stopped walking and grabbed my mom by the arm. Then this happened.

Me: Momma.
Mom: What?
Me: -whispering- Momma!
Mom: What!?
Me: -points at the chick who has her backed turned to us-
Mom: Oh shit. Duck and run. DUCK AND RUN.

     Turns out she works there. We think she might have called security if she had seen us, but our ninja skills are pretty bad ass so we ducked and ran.

     After that, I went to work. I don't really know what happened, but some how, I ended up with the boys having three friends over. One never came inside but at one point, there were four sweaty boys in a small living room with a broken A/C. My nose burned until about two hours after I got home.

     Sunday was very... I don't know the word. It started off fine. Boss Lady picked me up and we went to the store to get some sodas and chips, on the way to her house. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, we ran over the tip of a box cutter blade and totally slashed the tire up. We ended up stranded because their spare was flat and the jack and spanner weren't in the car to change the tire (which I know how to do, thank you very much).

     While we were waiting, some lady swerved into the parking lot and stopped two spaces over from us. She tried talking to us but we couldn't hear her so she got out, marched over, and ever so randomly asked, "I'm on my way to church. Will you please fasten my neckless?"

     Um, lol, what just happened? Boss Lady fastened the neckless and then she was on her way, while we were stranded for another two and a half hours. Only two people offered assistance and somebody ended up with a dead battery next to us. I thought it was turning into a mechanic's shop but finally, we were able to leave.

     We were out there for so long, I ended up with a sun burn, minor dehydration, and the beginnings of heat exhaustion. I can't remember most of Sunday because of that, except for the stand out moments that are impossible to forget.

     The other things that I remember involve The Youngest feeding me bites of her pizza and getting mad when I tried to take them and feed them to her instead. Then she kept bringing me handfuls of chips that the boys were eating and supervised me until I started eating. It's not like she's five and worried about me. She's one! It was possibly the cutest thing ever though.

     After that, nothing really worth mentioning happened. It was funny at the time but I was so exhausted that EVERYTHING was funny. I also don't remember a lot of stuff that might be worth mentioning, but oh well.

     On a random side note, I was trying to fix the pocket on my jeans last night. I don't really know what happened but I managed to accidentally stab my finger with the dull end of the needle. It hurt like a bitch. Don't ever stab yourself or anyone else with a needle. It will hurt like a bitch. [Disclaimer: Seriously. I do not encourage the stabbing of anyone with needles.]

     On a second random side note since I spent so much time talking about movies, my mom went and bought The Woman in Black starring Daniel Radcliff today. The day it came out. Remember this post when I talked about my mom and I going to see it? Yeah, guess who's not sleeping tonight even though I have to work tomorrow.

     The last couple things I have to tell ya'll are completely blog related and directed towards my readers:

     I have been posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays (except last week, when I posted late on Monday night because I knew I would be too busy). Thursday is too far away from Tuesday so that so much happens, I can't keep up with it in a post. But Tuesday is so close to Thursday I never have anything to say. I'm going to change it to Mondays and Thursdays to see how that works out. If it changes again, I'll be sure to tell you.

     I know I haven't been drawing like I promised I would, but I really haven't had much time to do any of the drawing. I'm hoping that my mom will do a guest post for Guest Post Saturday (hint hint Momma!) entirely of things she's drawing with the crayons I bought her. (Maybe your commenting will encourage her?)

Friday, May 18, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Five

     I don't know about you guys, but I'm kinda proud I made it to the fifth guest post. I mean, I'm not the one writing them, but finding people who know about my blog and like to write is proving to be a difficult task. (Hint hint: Go here to learn everything you need to know and then go write me a guest post and send it to pertinax_puella@hotmail.com right now!) Today's post was brought to you by my awesome friend Mercedes from the blog My Big Small Life.


Well now, what to say? Rach is making me do this whole Saturday post thing so I guess I have to say something. Well, here I go!

Hey there! I'm Mercedes I'm 22 and I am not only a wife but a stay at home mother of two. Staying at home has it's perks but I can't wait until my oldest is in school and my youngest is no longer breastfeeding so I can have a bit more freedom. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom but I need some time away from home, away from my two little girls.

Too bad I can't get paid for being a mother/maid/cook/wife/amazing person. I think I'd be rich if us housewife's actually got paid.

I would love to start going to work and as excited as I am to do so I am also nervous. I've never had a real job and the one I did have I got screwed at. I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years so the thought of not being home all day, away from my girls is scary.

I want to do it though because we need the money and I want to get into a better home. My husband wants to start a ranch so that is the dream we are working towards. Sadly it seems every time he and my father get together and talk about it their ideas get bigger and bigger and bigger. It's entertaining but it does get old after a while haha.

Well I guess that is the bulk of my guest post. A tiny peak into me. I'm sure this could have been much longer but I just can't get the words to flow right. Maybe next time. ^.^

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Pet Peeves (Part Four: Bullshit)

     It's been quite some time since I've written any of my pet peeves on here, so I figured I might as well make a post out of it today since I haven't got anything else to write about today. If you haven't read the previous posts, you can check them out here, here, and here.

     There are many types of bullshit, but this post is going to focus on the unnecessary kind that people cause themselves just for the sake of making things difficult. These are the types of things where you would fake sneeze or cough the word "Bullshit!", clear your throat, and then say "Sorry, my sneezes/coughs are just sounding more and more like words lately." so you can completely call somebody out but with humor.

Lack of Communication:
     This is one of my current biggest pet peeves that makes me want to punch a hole through the wall. If you don't tell somebody something, then you cannot automatically assume that they know. For instance, one of my friends is going out tonight with the guy she likes but she has no idea if he likes her. She's asked him directly and he wouldn't tell her, so she's been wondering since Monday if it's a date and that's put a lot of stress on her. Another example is how if you aren't told when you have to work, you will not know when to be there and being late is their fault, not your's.

     The worst part is the people who will drop all communication with you and then be mad at you for not knowing anything. Um, I'm sorry, but I'm not a fucking mind reader. If there is something that you want me to know or think I should know, then tell me. Don't expect me to guess or assume. Just fucking say it.

Attention Whores:
     Typically girls, teenage girls, are known for this. I know damn well that guys can be just as guilty, but in my personal experience, the stereotype fits. I cannot tell you how many people I see on different social media sites that are always posting shit to cause drama. For instance, claiming that they absolutely love somebody with all their heart. Bitch, you met him a week ago and you went on one date. That is called lust and you had better learn to keep it under control or you're going to need some shots from the free clinic.

     Then there are the people who are just so brokenhearted, but it's the same story. Or the people who are like "Nobody loves me! :(" or "lol I'm so ugly. Like this if you disagree." Don't get me wrong, I understand that people can have low self esteem and actually think these things. I'm only talking about the people who do it for attention.

Know-It-Alls:
     This actually broadens out to people who think and act like they know everything and people who randomly state the most common facts ever just because they think they might be the only one who knows it. News flash: Unless you are God, Hermione Granger, or Google, you do not know everything and when you act like you do, everyone wants to punch you in the nose.

     It is not entertaining. It makes people feel bad. It makes you look stupid a good portion of the time because, as I have previously stated, you do NOT know everything and the fact that you think you do makes me think you need to get your head out of your ass.

Man/Women-Childs:
     This covers a huge range so I'll name some of the worst points of it. I could probably write an entire post about these people, actually, but I'll keep it simple.

     Thinking that it's okay to be lazy, or that it's funny or cool. No, it isn't. Get off your ass, get out of your mama's house, and act like the adult you are.

     Immaturity. I know that I'm immature sometimes but you know what? I grew up. I am an adult when I need to be but these people are not.

     Actually, those are the only two things man and women childs (I know the correct term is children, but it doesn't seem to fit) are. Lazy and immature. That was pretty simple to write about after all.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day Weekend and Stuff

     I have been so busy since Saturday, guys. It started late Friday night, actually, with my mom telling me we had a time limit to get stuff done on Saturday even though I was supposed to work. With that mountain load of stress, I got like four hours of sleep. Then it went something like this:

8:00 - Wake up and forget what I'm supposed to do.
8:05 - Try to get into the bathroom but Mom was there.
8:10 - Begin stressing again because we have one hour and fifty minutes to get our new numbers turned on before the others were cut off, get all the way across town to pick up my glasses, and get all the way back to be picked up for work.
8:11 - Tell Momma I am not going to eat her Mother's Day present from me for breakfast.

8:45 - Momma finally leaves and takes my phone with her so I can get into the bathroom to get ready for the day.
9:00 - Mom calls the landline to tell me that she's on the way home.
9:15 - Run out the door and race across town.
9:30 - Get glasses.

9:32 - Follow Mom around and tell her we have to hurry and begin to panic again.
9:45 - Check out.
10:02 - Pull into the gas station across the street to get caffeine since I'm exhausted.
10:03 - Boss Man texts me to say Boss Lady isn't feeling well and won't be going to work, so I have the day off.
10:04 - Facepalm myself but then get ridiculously happy.
10:05 - Tell Momma to pick a place for lunch because we're celebrating Mother's Day a day early since I probably had to work on Mother's Day.

     We ended up at the mall and just walked around for a while. I paid a dollar for her to sit in a massage chair and she whined and complained the entire three minutes that "It was beating the shit out of her". I actually have a short video but it shows her face and that's a no-no on here. I do have a picture from when she sat on a couch and her feet hung off the side though. (Also a big no-no but I loves yous guys so here you go.)



     Then we ended up in a toy store. I took another video of my mom there. A hopscotch mat was on the floor (since when did people have to buy a mat instead of drawing it with chalk?) and she did the entire thing. Then I took a picture that's not appropriate for children to view because it had... uh... certain animal stuffed animals in compromising positions.



     Not long after that, one of my friends called because she was having a crappy day and needed somebody to talk to. Basically, her boss was being a bitch. Then she had to go and Momma and I went to iHop.

     Mom ordered a child's menu and I told her that she had to draw something for my friend to cheer her up. I took a picture of the front, the back, and then the close up picture. (Mom drew it [it's supposed to be my friend's boss] and I titled it.)

     Ten minutes later, the teenagers who were there before us, ordered a child's menu each. Momma and I laughed near hysterically and high-fived each other. We're so proud.

     After that, we got a call that we had to go back and pick up her glasses, at WalMart. We needed to pick up a few groceries there and then something I never expected happened.

Me: Momma! Did you see that chick's shirt? It was awesome!
Mom: No?
Chick: -walks back towards us-
Me: That's her!
Mom: holyshitIlovehershirt. -approaches Chick- EXCUSE ME. WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR SHIRT?
Chick: -stops like a deer caught in the headlights- Um... Spencer's, in the mall.
Mom: I love it so much. Can I take a picture?
Chick: Uh......
Me: MOMMA. YOU CANNOT JUST GO UP TO A STRANGER AND ASK TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THEIR SHIRT.
Mom: It's not like I asked for a picture of her face.
(Side note: If you are the chick in this picture, which I doubt you are since the odds of that are pretty damn small, I apologize again for my mom being so crazy. I also apologize for putting this picture up, but hey, nobody knows who you are. It's not like it's a picture of your face or anything.)

     We caused many scenes in WalMart after that, with me yelling at Mom. People tended to avoid us after that but oh well.

     Eventually we got home and put anti-flea stuff on three of the cats, all except The Blind One. Then I wrestled The Big Dog into the tub and Momma managed to give him a bath. Some how, I became the dog's towel and smelled like wet dog until I took a shower the next morning.

     We had a very busy and eventful day. I had to work on Mother's Day and Boss Lady asked if I had remembered to tell her "Happy Mother's Day". I was like, "Psh, I celebrated yesterday." Then we were like "Yay Boss Lady for being hung over for twenty-four hours and unable to go to work!"

P.S. I know it's Monday night, but ironically enough, I'm working only Tuesday and Thursday this week. Since I have to go to the orthodontist in the morning and uploading pictures is a bitch, I thought it would be easier to just post tonight.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Four

     Welcome back, folks! This is the fourth edition of Guest Post Saturday. If you've seen recent posts and think, "Hey, I could do that!" then check out this page and send an email to pertinax_puella@hotmail.com. This very cool post was written by my good friend Ashley, over at My Fight Inside.



     Haylo =] My name is Ashley. I am twenty years young, and live in Texas. I am married and have to wonderful children. The first one is 17 months, and the other is now five weeks old. Their names are Jude and Lennon. When I am not on the computer I am either being a mom, or I am at work. Rachel asked me to do a guest post, and I had been racking my mind all week to come up with something. I decided just to post whatever was on my mind. I think I will call it, The list =] Also, I love new people. My MSN is unfadedbeautywithin@hotmail.com

The list

1. First off, I would like to point out, that I do agree with the saying that Air guitarist have more fun. I mean, you can slam your guitar around on the furniture and not worry about having to break anything.


2. After cleaning up the carnage of trash on our back-porch, I no longer find raccoons to be "cute, like a little bear with tiny hands" but more like a "destructive force of nature"


3. My font just changed, and I have no idea how to turn it back. So the list will carry on in this font.

4. I have come to the realization that I really like drummers. =p Lead vocalist are amazing too. I think guitarist might be alittle overrated.

5.Elections are coming up, for all the people who voted for Obama last election, "just because he was black" should be slapped. It is about politics.

6. I think they should actually make a test for people to vote to make sure they know what is going on. If they fail the test, they shouldn't be able to vote.

7. I would probably fail that test.

8. I would like to meet the genius who came up with calling someone a 'bitch'. I mean, really. what possessed this guy to call someone a female dog?

9. I've decided that I am neither a republican or a democratic. I just have my morals, and that's it. I will not label myself either. They both have their faults, and they bother have their goods.

10. Does anyone see the point of highschools making us take four years of science? I think up to a certain point, it should be an elective. Seriously, physics was the biggest was of time. Because I do not see in my future a man holding a gun to my head telling me to calculate how fast the pencil hits the ground, or else he will blow my head off.

11. Because I said that, it's probably gonna happen.

12. I am not sure if this list is holding any interest or not, but I am having a great time typing it, so let's continue yes?

13. Common sense is so rare, it should be considered a superpower.

14. I am currently in love with Christofer Drew. He is my future husband. He has the best music in the world. (His old acoustic stuff. His new stuff is okay, but not the best) So back off. He's mine.

15. Avengers is probably one of the best movies. It is a must see.

16. I cheered for the villain in the movie. Loki was just awesome.

17. it never fails--if you work into the wee hours of night, a lawn service will send someone with a leaf blower to, you know, just stand outside your bedroom window.

18. so...the deer that I have been so happy to see in the mornings just behind our back porch...it has a broken leg. That's why her knee is so big. :( I'm so sad now. She's only hanging out there because she's probably going to die!

19. So, apparently last night I was sleep-talking a lot --saying thank you to Michelle Obama for supporting the 'Hire our Heroes' Campaign. So funny. ...but seriously, if you haven't checked this program out, please do! Hire our Heroes

20. Three Days Grace Lead singer has a pretty sexy voice. 0.o

21. There's always that one person you can't ever stop thinking about. Even if you broke up years ago, there is always that question of What If?

22. I have a naturally trusting nature, and that has betrayed me in the past many times.

23. Gino is sitting here trying to justify to me why he could tease me for being on the parking sub-committee at Baylor, but there's nothing tease-worthy about the fact that he's on the committee to re-design the Engineering study room at UT. ....geekery, to the very, very happy end of our days.

24. The Horse and His Boy is my favorite book from the Chronicles of Narnia series. --Disney & Mark Johnson, you know you better call me when it's time to start looking for the Director of this film.

25. Gino won't give out meaningless high-fives, so don't ask for one unless you have a good reason.

26. I have an old home-made dollhouse that I was using as a funny shelf system in our house, but we put it on our back porch this spring to use as an organizer for our gardening tools and seeds, etc. Looks like a bird had different plans for our house and doll furniture. I can hear the babies chirping right now!

27. Today is a good day for my gryffindor jacket to greet the world again.

28. after a horrible evening of loathing the creators of any so called "improvements" to the microsoft word interface, I woke up and decided that nerdy anger will do me no good in life. also, MACs are better than PCs

29. This morning as I watched our neighbors dog and cat drink out of their bowls, i had the sudden realization that I am thankful to have lips that can sip...add that to the power of opposable thumbs...

30. I have decided that the moment you can no longer trust to blind-buy your favorite band's new CD is like finding out santa claus isn't real

31. All scene kids look the same to me. (No offense if you are one)

32. I think it's the hair.

33. I am listening to the song Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne.

34. I'm gonna bring that song back

35. THERE'S A BUG BITE IN MY BELLY BUTTON . What kind of torture is this?!

36. Quick, what's the number to 911?!

37. Who ever wrote "suck cock" on the back of my car, thank you.No really, it made my whole day.


38. I have this funny family who like to make me lesbian every chance they get.Jerks.

39. If someone were to bring me some Chinese food right now, well I'd be perfectly okay with that.

50. Screw numbers 40-49.

51. I think I really hate it when people hashtag on Facebook. It's not twitter.

52. I have no more points.

53. Sorry if i bored you to death. Thanks for reading. =]]

Thursday, May 10, 2012

So, I Forgot To Post Today

     I guess I'm not doing as well about keeping up with posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays as I thought I was. I just realized that it was Thursday, at 11 at night, after being home from work for about half an hour. I apologize for forgetting and since I have a burned finger and typing hurts (there's a huge blister on the top knuckle of my middle right finger) so I'm just going to copy/paste an old conversation between Sissi and I. Enjoy!

Sissi: So, how are you Rach? Tell me what is goin onnn. Enlighten me to your exciting happs.
Rachel: The Youngest likes me and I'm going potential furniture shopping tomorrow. Also, I had sushi today. =0 It was yummy.
Sissi: Indulge in the handsome home fixtures Rach. Indulge in the uncooked pleasantries.
Rachel: May I also find and indulge in frozen lemonade?
Sissi: Yes you may.
Rachel: I shall enjoy this task.
Sissi: And so it was upon the night of the fourth money a day before fortnight that the undoubted Sissi bestowed upon her friend-love the describable Rachel Kathleen to indulge in iced drinks, raw delicacies, and wooden or possibly metal housing units.
Rachel: I can't breath. So much lols.
Sissi: Do you need... assistance?
Rachel: I believe... I do need... assistance... Before I pass out.
Sissi: Mmmm girl, let me preform CPR upon your gracious lips MMMMMMHMMMMMM (not really, I mean if you needed CPR and I was certified I would do it but I am not, by any means, this creepy)
Rachel: (Oh really? What about when you had to take a shower that one time and you were like "Do you want to join me?" and I was like "oooh!"?) (-laughing so hard I might actually pass out-)
Sissi: Rachel, I am soooooo in love with you. This is what is going on here.
Rachel: I knew it! Sissi, I am sooooo in love with you too!
Sissi: Yes, this is perfect.

     I think it would be funnier with illustrations. (Like an awesome picture of sushi with me drooling over it, overly lipsticked lips all puckered up, hearts everywhere...) But it's already 11:20 because I had to edit this so Sissi's real name would be removed and stuff. And I am super sleepy now.

     If you want to complain about posts that I put up, you should just submit your own better post for Guest Post Saturday. Seriously guys, I want to show off your awesome writing skills and help get traffic over to your blog, but I can't do that unless you help me, help you.

P.S. Don't you love how subtle I am about telling you to send me posts?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

What Were We Thinking?

     On Friday night, Boss Lady called me and said that she had a friend who needed a babysitter. They usually don't need one but on occasion, things can't be worked out, and they found themselves without anyone to watch their three kids. I agreed and Boss Ma'am picked me up the next day.

     Boss Ma'am and Boss Sir have three kids. Child 1 is four. Child 2 is two. Child 3 is seven months old. All are boys. With as much babysitting experience as I've had, I have never watched boys that were so young. Actually, I've never watched anyone under eleven months either. So it was a bit nerve racking for me.

     The plan was for me to watch them on my own from 2:00 until 5:30, but Boss Ma'am didn't even pick me up until 3:00. After that, Boss Lady was going to pick the boys and I up to go hang out at her house until Boss Ma'am got off work at 9:30. That's not really what happened.

     I didn't really have a problem watching the boys by myself. The older two mainly stayed in their room, trying to build a castle out of old VHS tapes. (I kind of freaked out because they were VHS tapes and not DVDs. It was quite a shock for somebody who hasn't seen them since she was eleven-ish.) I stayed in the living room, trying to coax the baby into drinking from the bottle since he was hungry.

     Boss Lady picked me up on time and after running around trying to find everything, we got the boys into the car. There was an issue with the carseats that took forty-five minutes to fix, with the baby crying for the last fifteen until I picked him up. We had an audience of about six people. One guy was even smoking a cigarette. When we finally left, Boss Lady and I were in near hysterics and swore never to speak in detail of it again.

     We decided that the boys were too hyper and having six kids in one small house could not possibly end well, so we made a very stupid choice. We decided to take them to Chuck E. Cheese's. We stopped by Boss Lady's house to load her three kids into the car and then we were on our way.

     From the second I got out of the car, I had glares from everyone I walked by. Why, you ask? I was holding a small baby and escorting the two little boys into the building. As Boss Lady pointed out, "Anyone who saw us would think we had been... very busy." No shit. I don't think I've ever gotten so many dirty looks before.

     We got The Oldest and The Middle Child to take Child 1 and Child 2 off to play games. Boss Lady and The Youngest went off to order pizza. Over all, things were going pretty well. I was surprised and impressed by how well things were going, minus judgmental people who need to get their heads out of their asses.

     From 6:30-ish until 9:00, we were at Chuck E. Cheese's. I won't bore you with all the details so I'll just sum it up a little bit. Child 1 would not stay with anybody for nothin'. Every time you blinked, he was gone. Child 2 was remarkably well-behaved for a two year old but I had to finish up four ski-ball games for him because he couldn't throw it far enough. Child 3 only left my arms so I could eat (for ten minutes or so) and twice so I could hunt down Child 1 (about five minutes each). The Oldest was my hero because he helped out so much. The Middle Child lacked the ability to watch any kid at all but he didn't cause trouble. The Youngest stayed in Boss Lady's arms pretty much constantly, except when she sent her off with The Oldest so she could eat.

     That's a long time to watch six kids and not be able to put down a very squirmy baby. My arms were numb until Monday (of course, I watched The Youngest for eight hours on Saturday and she was super clingy too). Well, at least I should be able to throw one heck of a punch now, with all the muscles I've gotten from not being able to put a kid down.

     Even though things went so well, it was very stressful and tiring. We really needed a third person (well, technically The Oldest would be the third person, but he wanted to play games too) and either some strollers or some safer highchairs for Child 3 and The Youngest. There was no way either of us could have done it on our own.

     We met Boss Ma'am back at Boss Lady's house and transferred Child 1, 2, and 3 into the right car while we explained to her why we gave the neighbors a show and not to worry if they talked to her about the two lunatics who had picked up her kids. Boss Lady hugged me twice and told me "Rachel, I love you so much. Thank you for staying with me today." twice. Then Boss Ma'am took me home because she lives on the same side of town as I do.

     The next morning, my arms and legs hurt from running around and holding a baby for so long. My head hurt from screaming kids. And I was completely relying on a vanilla cappuccino to stay awake. Boss Lady and I still don't know what we were thinking about taking them to Chuck E. Cheese's. We have decided we need to be committed to an insane asylum.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Three

     Oh, gosh, Rachel! Why are you up so early on a fine Saturday morning? Thank you for asking! I'm up so early because since I am working tonight, this was the best time to bring you the third edition of Guest Post Saturday! If you're interested in posting, please check here for everything you need to know and email me at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com. Thank you Emily of Animal Diaries, for writing this post!


     Hey!!! So, I have never done this before, and when Rachel asked me if I wanted to write a blog post, I was like 'Heck yeah!!!' But I was also really nervous... Excited too, but mostly nervous. So, I'm sorry if this is terrible. :]
Lola
     I am Emily. I am sixteen. I live in California... On the weekends, I volunteer at a local no-kill animal shelter, which I love. All of the animals are amazing, so sweet, so kind, and so adorable. There are cats and dogs. A lot of the dogs are shy and timid when they first come in, some are super skinny and some have been abused before. The hardest thing is seeing a dog [the cats are usually calmer and healthier] hurt or scared or so skinny.
     There was one dog, Emma. She was a boxer. I saw her the first week I was there. She was really skinny, but so sweet. She loved to give hugs and kisses. Two weeks ago, she was adopted!!! She was not as skinny; she was at a healthy weight and got to go hone with a loving family!!! I was so happy for her, but sad at the same time, because I won't get to see her anymore. It is best for her to go to a loving family and I'm so happy she got that opportunity, but I will miss her.
     Lola is a Newfoundland and black lab mix. She is huge. I went into her kennel and cuddled with her. I felt bad that she was so used to having a home. Her family couldn't take her anymore, so they brought her to the shelter. She loved to play with her ball and her favorite thing to do is run outside in the yard. She doesn't like to play with the Frisbee though; I tried. She does like to do laps. I raced her.
Lola won.
River
     She played with River and Tess, but Tess is a little bit too rough. Tess bit Lola's foot and Lola made a loud sort of whining noise and ran over and laid next to me, so I just pet her for a while.
     When River came out and they started playing, Lola got her water bottle. She actually drank right out of the bottle!!! [With someone holding it for her, of course... and she did make a big muddy mess with it. haha] She didn't waste the bottle though. She chewed it up and used it as a toy. I talked to a potential adopter while she played. The family loved her so much they filled out a form and were really, really excited to take her home. They said that she reminded them of their dog that had recently passed away. They kind of instantly fell in love with her, which is great!!! If their other dog gets along with Lola, then she will have a permanent home!!!
     This was probably a very boring blog post, but it's something I love doing, going to go play with the dogs and getting to show them love. It's so much fun and I love it. Thanks for reading!