Saturday, June 30, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Ten

     Whoo! I managed to get it posted before midnight! Alright, guys, here's what's been happening. Lots of shit with trying to get a post on time and all that drama. I will love you forever if you want to go here to find out everything you need and send me an email at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com. I may not love you as much as Mercedes over at My Big Small Life, but I will love you!



Hey there everyone! So yet again I am doing this Saturday guest post
thing and once again I really have no idea what to talk about. I guess
my topic for this week will be the baby kitties that are being all
cute in my closet.





Yes, about two weeks ago my cat Chunky had her first little of
kittens. She had three, two boys and one girl.  Their eyes are now
fully open and though they still can't get around very well they are
trying. Chunky has them in the back of my closet but thankfully I can
get to them with ease because they are just too cute not to pick up
and cuddle.





We also have a new litter of puppies. They are almost a week old and
just like Abby's last litter the moment we found out she was prego was
when she decided to have the pups. She had 6 but sadly one of them
passed away. We have no idea why but the poor baby will be missed. But
still, there are 5 healthy girls, all brown and black with white on
their chests except one which is more of a grey color. We think the
father was a small breed dog because the pups in this litter are half
the size of her last on. It also helps that the last time she was in
heat there was only one male dog around her and sadly the owners of
that dog, which are family keep making that dog younger and younger.
He started off at 5-6 months when they got him and they swore to get
him fixed and now that Abby had puppies he is not even 4 months old
yet.





It's not even like we are mad at them about it but yeah, lots of drama
there haha. my life just seems to be full of it.
So I guess that means I have 8 babies in my house, well 9 if you
include my youngest daughter. Life is going to get really crazy around
here once they can all move around. i think I'm a tad scared haha.
Now you better love me all the more Rach!


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Crazy Tips

     We all have weird home remedies that work wonders for us, right? (haha I sound like an infomercial.) Well, I'm tired of repeating myself so I figured I can just put it in one blog post and anytime I'm told about this shit, I can just be like, "Hey, go check out my awesome blog!"

[Disclaimer: Please note, I am not a doctor or an expert. The following are tips that have either worked for me or somebody who I know that has told me about them.]


Sunburns:

     I have a major allergy to aloe (which is, ironically, one of the most hypoallergenic things out there). So, even though most people use aloe to treat sunburns, I can't. Since I'm so pale I glow in the dark, it's safe to say, I easily get sunburned. Here's what I do:

-Take either a small box of baking soda or half a box of a large one and pour it into a lukewarm bath.
-Mix baking soda and water, in a bowl, into a thick paste and apply it to your face.
-Relax in the bathtub for at least an hour.
-Apply soothing lotion (NOT COCOA BUTTER; THAT SHIT WILL BURN) all over, after getting out of the bath.
-Only wear loose, light clothing over the burned areas.
-Repeat until the sunburn is gone.

     A couple years ago, I was literally between this shade of red from fishing with my dad. The majority of the sunburn was gone in two days and the light pink was gone within four, with minimal peeling.

Dry Hair/Dry Scalp:

     I have psoriasis (well, I'm just making it sound like I have all sorts of issues, aren't I?), which is basically my body making too many skin cells so it makes my skin super dry. It's pretty much on my scalp, so I'm pretty fucking lucky because my hair usually hides it and when it doesn't, it looks like dandruff and super dry skin in my face. Plus, I dye my hair (a tip within a tip- the chemicals in the hair dye help control the psoriasis, so long as you don't over do it; but it does burn) and straighten it and all around torture it, so it gets pretty dry also.

-Comb mayo into your hair with a wide tooth comb, layer by layer.
-Pin your hair up and put it in a shower cap.
-Put a towel on your pillow and go to sleep.
-The next morning, wash your hair twice (so you don't smell like tuna salad).
-Apply horse conditioner to your hair with a wide tooth comb, layer by layer.
-Either pin up or braid your hair.
-Either leave in until bed time or until the following morning.
-Wash hair once and apply regular conditioner.

     No, Jax, I swear I didn't steal your idea. I've been considering this post for a while but I just finally got around to it. It's just awesome timing that I commented this tip on your blog today! haha

Breastmilk:

     This isn't my tip. My awesome friend Mercedes from My Big Small Life recently posted about how she got pink eye from her (crazy adorable) baby, Sarah. I don't really know enough about this to post step by step instructions, so this is just a list of stuff Mercedes says that it can be used for. (Yes, I know this is weird, and kinda gross, but if it works, it works.)

-Pink Eye.
-Ear Infections.
-Cuts and Scrapes.
-Diaper Rashes.

     (Maybe if you go over to Mercedes' blog and comment, she'll even post her tips of how to correctly use breastmilk to fix the above things?)

Zits/Blackheads:

     There are about a billion things you can do for this but unfortunately, things are different for every type of skin. My skin is try but it also gets very oily because it's trying to compensate for the dryness. It's a weird combination and it sucks. I've never had a bit problem with zits or blackheads, luckily, so maybe what I do works?

-Wash your face twice a day; once in the morning and once at night.
-Always make sure you use some sort of lotion.
-If you wear make-up, like I do, at least use the make-up remover wipes before bed, even if you're too tired to wash your face.
-Put a thin layer of toothpaste over your face and leave it for about 2-5 minutes, before washing it off with a cool washrag. It will help with blackheads. (Something that Mercedes and Sissi taught me.)
-If you have a zit, put toothpaste over it for 5-8 minutes before washing it off with a cool washrag. (Mercedes told me about toothpaste and Sissi told me details on how to use it.)
-Always make sure the products you use are fitted for your type of skin.

Growing Your Hair Out:

     A lot of people say that trimming your hair will make it grow faster. Um, lol what the fuck? Why would CUTTING your hair make it GROW? Please, stop and consider this for a moment. Where is the logic? But that's not my point. This is another list of just ways to do it, instead of step by step instructions.

-Biotin. It's a sort of vitamin/herbal pill thing. You can take up to five a day and it will make your hair and nails grow. (I took it for two weeks and my hair grew half an inch.)
-Keeping your hair clean and healthy, which does mean trimming off the dead ends, but that still won't make it grow. Healthier hair just grows better.

     Okay, so, I only have two but that shit is pretty awesome. Whenever I want to grow out my hair, that's the only thing I ever have to use.

Minor Burns:

     As I said, I'm allergic to aloe, which is really a pain in the ass when you're trying to buy lotion or even get a minor burn. Luckily, I don't get burned a lot, but when I do it really fucking hurts. What sucks the most is when you're babysitting two boys who love to wrestle and a baby who always wants to be held and likes playing with your hands.

-Run the burn under cold water.
-Put yellow mustard on the burn for about two hours.
-Wash off mustard with cold water.
-Put burn cream on the burn.
-Depending on where it is, if you should put a bandaid over it, to avoid possible infection or irritation.
-Add more burn cream as instructed on the bottle or alternate with yellow mustard.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Conversations

     Just some random bits of conversations... This will probably become a regular thing, whenever I have enough conversation bits saved up to make a whole post.

     (I know I keep promising to write about when I took Mom to the movies, but my laptop has been acting up and I still haven't been able to get the pictures off my phone. The only way would be to email them to myself but that makes them super tiny so I'm just going to do it when my laptop is done PMSing.)

While talking about macaroni and cheese and how we like/don't like it made.
Sissi: You know what I can't stand
Sissi: ketchup and macaroni and cheese
Sissi: just no
Sissi: rolls gently off a cliff and into the sea
Sissi: never to be seen again
Sissi: sometimes a widow will wait by the sea for her sailor husband to come back home but he never will and she hears the wind whisper to her
Sissi: "never eat ketchup and macaroni and cheese its just gross dont do it..............."
Rachel: LOL
Sissi: spoiler alert the wind is me
Rachel: GASP
Rachel: YOU SPOILED IT SISSI
Rachel: YOU SPOILED IT
Rachel: HOW DARE YOU
Sissi: i'm sorry i couldn't help it!
Rachel: Suuuuuuuuure


While talking about nothing important.
Sissi: Lol wow xD
Sissi: aww my dog is twitching in her sleep c:
Rachel: Awwww <333 Pet her
Rachel: And wow sorry to ruin the sweet moment but The Loud One is attempting murder. She just went into the cat box and omg, the horror
Sissi: omg shitty
Rachel: there is so much pun in that
Rachel: I can't even
Rachel: xD
Rachel: so much lols
Sissi: haha x3
Rachel: I'm still giggling
Rachel: I am patheticly easy to amuse
Rachel: And I kinda wanna put that on the blog
Rachel: because my gosh that is hilarious xD
Sissi: xD Hahaha.
Sissi: Every time   you tell me that
Sissi: I die a little on the inside
Sissi: But in a heartwarming kind of way <3
Rachel: Awww <3
Rachel: How do I even have followers Grace? With all the shit I post?
Sissi: Everyone loves shit


Just a random conversation.
Sissi: HI.
Rachel: HEY.
Sissi: HEY IF WE EVER GO TO SIXFLAGS OR SOMETHING TOGETHER
Sissi: WE JUST
Sissi: ON EVERY RIDE WE SHOULD BE LIKE
Sissi: AHHHH WE'RE GOING TO DIE I LOVE YOU _____
Sissi: and then act like we were totally saved from dying when we get off the ride
Sissi: like on every one
Sissi: just as loud as we can
Sissi: "OMG I THOUGHT WE WAS GONNA DIE............"
Rachel: "THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME"
Rachel: "YOUR LOVE PULLED ME THROUGH"
Rachel: "OMG YOUR LOVE IS SO POWERFUL IT SAVED MY LIFE"
Sissi: "OMG IF WE LIVE WILL YOU MARRY ME"
Sissi: "OMG WE LIVED"
Rachel: "LET US GET MARRIED NOW"
Sissi: married
Sissi: "WE'RE MARRIED"
Rachel: "YAY FOR MARRIAGE"
Rachel: "AND ALL THE CAKE AND PRESENTS THAT COME WITH IT"
Sissi: "omg do you want to get on that ride we might die"
Sissi: "less do it"
Sissi: "OMG WE'RE GOING TO DIE............"
Rachel: "OMG ITS LIKE FINAL DESTINATION"
Sissi: FUCK OMG   YOU WIN
Sissi: DYING
Rachel: WHAT DO I WIN
Sissi: Nothing


This is what happens when we get bored.
Sissi: but now my compooper is drying and I don't want to find the charger so I have to go
Sissi: you can text me though
Sissi: also my computer is dry
Sissi: I meant to say it was dying oops
Sissi: (that's not much better)
Sissi: but yeah gotta go byyyye
Rachel: The battery was drying up lol
Sissi: lol yeah it was crying
Rachel: Somebody must have been lying
Sissi: Well it was trying
Rachel: Are you denying you were lying and the laptop was crying so much it was dying?
Sissi: You forgot drying
Rachel: Now I am crying
Sissi: Why do you cry? Are you dry?
Rachel: I am so shy and not at all shy!
Sissi: Do you want some pie?
Rachel: I do, I cannot lie!


Sissi had a rolly polly on her knee, so she sent me a picture and we decided to name it after a famous actor. She even made a Facebook account for him and sent a friend request to Brother without telling him what was happening. Then we decided to just fuck with him a little bit.
Brother: Sissi is being weird
Rachel: How so?
Brother: Me: who the hell is -actor's name- and why does he want to be friends with me on facebook
Sissi: he is an actor
Sissi: watch his new movie  -movie title-
Me: no, I mean the person who made the account
Sissi: What do you mean
Sissi: it was -actor's name-
Me: ..........no
Sissi: ???
Me: why would he have 1 friend
Sissi: he isn't the most popular actor
Me: ...
Rachel: What's your point? Haven't you heard of -actor's name-?
Brother: yeah, but who made the account?
Rachel: -actor's name-, obviously


Sissi and I started talking after she wrote this post which you should go read now, if you haven't already done. It turns out we were trying really hard to impress each other when we met. We went from being careful of what we said to sharing EVERYTHING in great detail.
Rachel: lol It's like one day things just changed
Rachel: One of us had to pee and there went being worried about opinions
Rachel: "I HAVE TO PEE"
Rachel: "ME TOO"
Rachel: "SISTERS FOREVER"
Sissi: PISSISTERS
Rachel: "LET US TALK ABOUT NASTY THINGS"
Rachel: PISSTERICAL LAUGHTER
Sissi: AWW GOOD ONE
Rachel: -when you laugh so hard you have to piss
Rachel: -like me, right now, brb

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Nine

     I know, it's Sunday, technically! I'm so so so so sorry! I had somebody lined up to do a guest post since Thursday and she was supposed to write it Friday night but she had some drama happen and never sent it like she was supposed to. Sissi found out about half an hour ago and offered to write a guest post for me. She's just that fucking amazing. If you want to write a guest post, please go here and send me an email to pertinax_puella@hotmail.com.

Hi guys!! You've met me before. Rachel has mentioned me more than a few times; I'm Sissi. I'd like to talk to you for a little bit. I apologize that this will not be posted on Saturday, but that is Rachel's story to tell, so I'll let her do just that.

I'd like to tell you about my best friend, my sister; she's a great person. You know her pretty well, I guess, but not as well as I do (sorry! Maybe you will one day. It's a treat.)I have known Rachel for upwards of six years. I've known her longer than I've known anybody else; she has seen every side of me, every phase I've gone through growing up. I am a few years younger than she is; I'd like to think you would all agree with me if I was to tell you that a year ( or rather, a few years ) is a relatively short amount of time. I'd also like to think you would all agree with me if I was to tell you that a lot of things can happen in several hundred days.

Rachel was introduced to me by my best friend at the time, and while we got along very well (when I first met her, I admired and looked up to her so much.) There was some drama going on, some very funny and yet convoluted drama that will not be gone into here because that is a very, very long story, so Rachel and I talked every single day. We continued to talk every single day for a several weeks, and eventually months. Also eventually, we began talking on the phone every night. You know how it is-- there's nothing to talk about, but somehow you and your friend manage to talk and talk and talk all night long. There's no helping it.

This went on for a very long time; I was in school, and it progressively got harder and harder. Rachel had her own things to deal with at home (after we fought through a very tough part of it side by side.) We lost some friends, gained some others, and then lost the majority of them. We were still there though (as was Brother, if I could add! He's great. Everybody loves Brother) and we would be for a long time. We still are.I'm just sort of gushing feelings right now. Six years is a lot to write about, but I'm afraid I don't have the time (or the space?) to do it.

Occasionally, I would disappear for weeks at a time. There would be several excuses, some of which were benign, some of which were a little worse (none of which I will go into now, either, because that isn't what this is about.) Excuse the language, but I feel pretty shitty? I mean, these guys (there were several of us, but it has dwindled down to virtually the three of us, and Rachel's mother whom I love, love, love) spent over three years talking to me, a young, angst little girl who didn't know what she wanted. They had always been there for me, and while I would sometimes not hear for them for a few days, they came back. I didn't. I accidentally grew apart from everyone, and sometimes I would come back for a little bit, but I would disappear easily again. It wasn't brought up very much, but it happened, and I acknowledge that. I'm sorry, Rachel.

Rachel never gave up on me; if anyone tried contacting me, it was always her, and I could never thank her enough. You guys see little bits of her life every week; I gladly see her every day, and I will gladly say that she is my role model, even now. She's my big sister, and she always will be. There's no way around it, Rachel <3 I love you.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Don't Forget

     Okay, so, I have two announcements that I would like to make. Well, one is an announcement and the other is a sort of reminder, but that doesn't really matter. Well, there's also a third but that's more of an apology so yeah.

     The announcement is that November 19 - 23 is Anti-Bullying Week. I have given myself a challenge to do a different post every day for that week, to maybe help bring awareness and explain just how bad it really is. I also have an idea that one of my friend's [who shall get the credit, if it works out] gave me to actually do something with the schools, but I haven't even begun to look into that yet, since school doesn't start until August. I would like to challenge all of you to do something that week to help bring awareness. Maybe write a blog post about what you've gone through or seen? Maybe just talking to your kids?

     [Disclaimer: Unfortunately, do to some news stories, I have to put this here. I do not encourage or endorse any harmful way to bring awareness. Please, keep your ideas sane and reasonable.]


     I will be putting up a new page at the beginning of that week for a list of all blog links sent to me about your stories for however you choose to help bring awareness. I will also be including them into a post at the end of that week. I really hope you choose to participate and I will be posting reminders about once a month about this.

     The reminder is that I am always looking for people to post on Guest Post Saturday. It doesn't matter if you've never done a guest post before, I would love to see what you have to come up with. You can email them to me whenever at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com and I will put it up on the first available Saturday.

     The apology is that I'm not doing a real post today. For some reason, my laptop is being bitchy and doesn't want to let me access the pictures on my phone that I took as proof when I took Momma to the movies on Saturday. Also, I can barely sit up and keep my eyes open and all I want to do is curl up into the fetal position and sleep. Probably a bad state to be in when trying to write an amusing post. I'm really sorry guys. =/


Monday, June 18, 2012

I Had A Dream

     Please note, that while everything I write on my blog is true, this post did not actually happen. I would not buy food from a gas station. Everything I'm about to write was entirely in a dream I had Thursday night/early Friday morning. I guess I was so bored, that my mind was trying to entertain me with SOMETHING.


     It was so bright that day, so bright that I wished I had a pair of sunglasses to protect my eyes. Momma pulled the car into the convenience store parking lot, quietly reminding me that we had to hurry, that we couldn't be caught. I nodded my head in understanding and we both moved out of the black SUV she had been driving.

     I followed her into the store and while she went to get some grocery items, I went to the back wall to get an orange soda. We met up at the counter and everything was put into a small black plastic bag before she sent me back out to the SUV so she could get something she forgot- probably her cigarettes.

     I got in the passenger's seat and leaned around, setting the bag on the back floorboard. When I sat back up, somebody was in the driver's seat. My heart started pounding and I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I screamed for my mom and in the blink of an eye, she was sitting in the driver's seat and starting the engine to the SUV. The stranger was gone, without a trace, save for my pounding heart.

     As we started on our way home, I asked Momma if she had remembered to pick up the mayo. She exclaimed, "Shit! I forgot." This was upsetting news. Our dinner could absolutely not be eaten without it. There was just no way!

     "Momma, it isn't that big of a deal. Just turn the car around and we'll go back to the store to get some." I explained, thinking that it sounded very reasonable.

     "We can't do that, Rachel. It's already getting dark." She told me, pointing through the windshield with one hand. I frowned, despite the beautiful mix of orange and pink in the sky straight in front of me. Momma had night blindness, which meant that it was dangerous for her to drive at night. "I'll pull over here. It's not that far, so we can cut through those buildings and just walk back."

     I didn't understand what she was saying. Wouldn't it be dark by the time we got back? Nonetheless, I decided to just trust her judgement. She knew what her eyes could handle and who was I to argue with that?

     She pulled over into a nearby parking lot of what appeared to be a mechanic's shop. After parking the car, we got out and moved up to the garage door, which had been left open. There was a large white table in the middle and a door in the back. Thinking that it had just been left open, we decided to go through it to see if it had a back door.

     Momma walked through the back door first and I heard a lot of barking. I rushed through the door behind her and saw nine or ten shih tzus running around, including The Stud Dog. Whoever owned the building we were in must have been watching the dogs for the groomer who took care of The Little Dog and The Stud Dog.

     "Shhh, Hannah, Darcy, Izzy, calm down."

     I didn't know how Momma knew the dogs' names but I decided not to question it. While she kept them busy, I pushed the chain length fence aside and moved through it. It wasn't until my hand was on the backdoor that I heard her calling for me, saying that she needed help to get through the fence because of all the dogs.

     With an annoyed sigh, I moved back to the fence and opened it for her. She ran through and I slammed it shut in the faces of all the angry, barking dogs. We ran to the backdoor, scared that somebody would have heard that and now positive we were breaking and entering.

     After fighting our way through the foliage, which is uncommon in the city, the hope faded from our faces. We were on the wrong side of town! This was the side of town with fancy places to eat and expensive stores only Bill Clinton and Oprah would ever be able to afford to buy a whole outfit at!

     Grumbling over our disappointing defeat, we moved back through the foliage and into the back of the shop. The dogs had quieted down and we thought maybe everything would have gone unnoticed by the owner.

     We made it all the way back to the front room with the table before we heard the car engine and saw the headlights of a car pulling into the parking lot. I felt my blood run cold with horror. Whoever owned this place was just coming back and we were going to be caught breaking and entering. He was probably going to call the cops!

     "Quick, Rachel, get The Stud Dog so that it looks like we belong here!"

     Again, I didn't question my mother's logic. In retrospect, considering she had been the one to get us into the mess, I really should have questioned what she was telling me. It was probably the fear of going to jail and having a record that made me just listen.

     I made it to the door and reached through, trying to call for The Stud Dog, but it was too late. When I looked up, an old man was standing there. He looked like he was in his eighties, at least, and had the grouchiest look I had ever seen on anyone.

     Fuck.

     "What are you doing in my house?" He demanded.

     This was a house? I didn't dare say it, but I couldn't believe that he lived in such a strange place. This was meant to be a place to work on cars, not to live in.

     "We were just looking for mayo for our dinner!" I whined. "She can't see at night to drive, so we were trying to walk, and all we wanted was some mayo!"

     "I have mayo." The man told us, pulling a jar out of the grocery bag I had just noticed in his hand. He held it up, in all it's amazing glory.

     "Well, I can fix our dinner with the mayo and we'll share it with you, if you promise not to call the police on us?" Momma suggested. Finally, something she said had ended up working in our favor.

     The man pulled up a couple of chairs and put a radio on over the speakers while Momma fixed the dinner she had been planning to make. I set the table and soon, we were all sitting down in an uncomfortable and awkward silence.

     Soon, a song that I knew came on the radio. For some reason, Momma grabbed my hand and we started dancing. Within one verse, we had convinced the man to dance with us. Finally, he had cracked a smile and started laughing! Success!

     After dancing for a while, the three of us sat back down, all laughing. We launched into a conversation about music and he began to tell us that he had a son, who was only about my age, and loved the same type of music I did. For a while, the conversation stayed happy and he even showed us a picture hanging up that I hadn't yet noticed, of his son in his military uniform.

     "That was taken right before he went to Afghanistan." He told us, though his tone was turning from happy to depressed, lonely. "He went to fight and never came home."

     The mood shifted after that. The new silence was no longer awkward, but heart breaking. After a little while, Momma managed to get him talking and smiling again, but it was clear that all of our minds were on the man who never made it home.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Eight

     I know this is late, sorry! It's been a long and busy day. On the bright side, I haven't been bored! Anyways, the amazing Ashley of My Fight Inside has agreed to do another guest post! If you want to do a guest post please go here to find out everything you need and send a post to pertinax_puella@hotmail.com.

Hello everyone!

It is Ashley again. (Yes, the one who was drunk.) Rachel asked me to make a guest post, and I could not refuse. This one is mainly going to be a rant of the complications of trying to get your license renewed. I lost my wallet about a month ago, so I needed to go replace my license. I set my alarm extra early, so I could get to DPS and hopefully beat the lines. Well, the alarm did not go off, and instead of an early start, I got there around 10 AM.

The line was to the door. So, I waited, and after about thirty minutes, I was at the first part of my long battle to get my license. I explained to the lady that I had lost my wallet, and I did not have license, and I needed to replace it. I gave her my social card, and she told me that I needed second form of identification. A birth certificate or something. By this point I was frustrated because I had waited in line for thirty minutes, and was being told I had to go all the way home (which I live 30 minutes away) and then come back.

I walked out the door, and into my car, and began driving home. Well, I guess I was going too fast in a parking lot, because a police officer flashed his lights at me, and I was pulled over. He asked for my license, and I told him that I had lost it, and I was trying to get a new one. He then said, 'Well, why are you leaving if you need to get a license.' I then explained to him that apparently the government likes to make it hell to get your license and a social card is not good enough identification.

Needless to say, the cop did let me go without a ticket. I drove home and back to the DPS which the line was even longer than before. This time I was in the first line for about 45 minutes. When I gave my proper identification, she gave me a number, and told me they would call me up. I waited an hour and a half before they called me. When I pulled out my checkbook to pay, they told me they did not accept checks. Because I lost my wallet, I did not have my debit card.

So, I had to get out of line, go to a store and use my ATM card to pull money out. When I got back to the DPS I had to wait again in line, and do the whole process over again. I spent my WHOLE day getting a license, and was not at all happy. =/
I know this was probably super boring, but I felt like I needed to rant. 0.o

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I'm So Fucking Bored

     Guys. I have some bad news for you all and it breaks my heart to tell you this...

     I have nothing to post.

     Boss Lady's mom is visiting so I haven't worked in two weeks, which means I've spent most of my time laying around and being absolutely bored out of my fucking mind. I kind of want to cry just for the sake of having SOMETHING to do.

     Momma works on the weekdays so by the time she gets off, there's nothing we can really go do. Stuff around where I live is typically only open on Saturdays, not that there's much to do anyways.

     I'm supposed to take Momma to see Rock of Ages and for lunch/dinner sometime this weekend to celebrate her birthday (even though it's late- it's not my fault the movie she wanted to see wanted to wait ten whole days to come into theaters!) Maybe I'll have something funny to tell you then. Until then, please enjoy these random pictures I've been collecting for just such an occasion.

     The first group we have is a collection of oddly shaped food. Way back when I started this blog, I posted this, about a fish shaped chip. I've been keeping my eye out since.
It's a fried onion thingy that looks like a fish!

This is another fried onion thingy that kinda looks like a weird fish thingy.

Popcorn chicken in the shape of a balloon!

     This second group is of license plates that make me stop and think "lolwtf?" I am not nearly as talented as Misty from Misty's Laws, but I hope you enjoy them anyways.
"RANEE"
Ummm... Is that the name of your car? Is it "rain-ee" or "re-nay"? I don't understand.

"BOBWYF"
Thank you, Bob's wife, for announcing to the world who you are married to. We were dying to know.

"DUDE"
Actually, I really like this one. "Dude" and "Bitch" are how I start a good portion of my sentences.

I don't remember what it says and it came out too blurry to read, but I took this picture for a reason!

     This next group is random shit I saw at the mall. There's also another video for you!
I don't like elevators but I prefer them when I wear skirts (like that day) and when I can see out of them (like that one). It was out of order.

     There was an escalator was broken. What really sucked was that my foot was in a lot of pain and I was in a skirt, so I didn't want to take the stairs. Also, I deleted the video of it so I can't show you, sorry.

At one point, I really had to pee. This is the tampon machine in the bathroom.
Tampons, lip gloss, Aspirin, something that glows in the dark, and sour candy.

Who else remembers this thing? It haunted my nightmares as a kid.
It's the vacuum thingy from the Teletubbies.

This shirt was in my favorite store. It is identical to a shirt my mom got for The Little Dog.
     And finally, random shit from random places.

A random sign I saw when I went fishing with Momma.

We went to the archery range (apparently, you have to take classes) and I saw these targets.
Let's play Guess The Design for the second one!

We went out to eat and I took my shoes off and put them under the table, on Mom's booth.

I had my own shrimp cocktail because Momma wanted spinach dip and I'm allergic to it.

My apologies; I already ate half of one when I remembered to take a picture.

Monday, June 11, 2012

It Happened Again!

     Do you guys remember a couple weeks ago when I wrote about my amazing friend Ashley getting drunk for the first time? Do you remember how absolutely fucking hilarious it was? Yeah, so do it. It was pretty great, wasn't it?

     Friday night, we were on the webcam. I'm not entirely sure what happened but some how I may have accidentally dared her to drink again. I don't really know what happened but one minute I was saying, "I don't take stupid dares, I make them." and the next minute she was downing a shot of vodka.

     You have no idea how much I want to tell you about the conversation we had. We were on the webcam for like four hours, in which time she did like six shots of vodka, half a shot from some Asian alcohol I've never heard of (that actually made her sick), and two wine coolers. It was crazy.

     Unfortunately, it was so vulgar, I could barely repeat some of the stuff the next day to tell her what all had happened. I never knew sweet little Ashley would ever say anything like the stuff she told me that night. There was so much laughing, my stomach actually hurt the next day.

     But don't worry! I won't completely leave you hanging! I have a few random things that I'm able to tell you that happened!

Ashley Quotes:
"I think I want another shot.
Yeah, I want to take another shot.
-goes into the kitchen and pours half a shot-
Maybe half a shot.
Yeah, that's a better idea.
-holds it up to her lips and starts giggling-
Maybe not. This stuff is nasty.
-pours it back into the bottle-
-ten minutes later-
I think I want another shot."
(I just kind of agreed to whatever she was doing because I'm a bad influence.)

"Let's watch Blues Clues! What year were you born? 1993? Yeah, you're old enough to remember this show. I love it."
(That was my favorite little kid show. I actually got excited about watching it again.)

"I drank half of Gino's vodka. He's going to be piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed."
(Keep in mind, this girl doesn't curse. Also, he ended up laughing in shock and disbelief when he discovered it.)

"Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach meeeeee."
(Kim Possible theme song! She sang it.)

"DEE DEE GET OUT OF MY LAB."
(Anybody remember Dextor's Laboratory?)

"RUH ROH!"
(What about Scooby Doo? I know you can't forget about that awesomeness.)

"I think Gino woke up. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. We have to play it cool. I'm gonna mute you, okay? Okay.
-mutes laptop, shuts off lights, and disappears-"
(All I could think was "Wow, shit is gonna get awkward if Gino walks in an sees a girl laughing hysterically on his wife's laptop.")

"I have to pee. Will you be here when I get back? I really have to pee. Please be here. I'll be sad if you leave. Okay, I'm gonna go pee now."
(This happened multiple times.)


At one point, she gave me an entire tour of her living room and her kitchen.

She had me call her phone because she lost it and then tried to hold a conversation on it while we were talking on the webcam, until I pointed out that we were, in fact, on the webcam. Then she hung up on me.

That's all I can think of at the moment, besides the vulgar stuff, which I can't really put on here. She said she kind of wants to do it again so next time, I'll be sure to take notes for you!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Seven

     Welcome back to Guest Post Saturday! Last week, we had an interruption when I received my first award from the Lady in Red from A Bozo's Abbozzo. This week, our special guest post writer is Brother. This is his second guest post and I'm very excited he was willing to write a second one. If you want to give this a shot, check out everything you need to know here and send me an email at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com.



It's not cool to publicly celebrate holidays well before or well after they actually happen. Seriously.

I get it, I live in the land of partying or whatever (California,) but COME ON. Fireworks and shit on June 1st? I thought someone was getting shot outside – also not an unlikely event around here. Plus, screaming kids are really not something we need. It's like a freaking zombie horde; make a bunch of noise and toys for them to play with and they go nuts.

What are you celebrating, anyway? July 4th? You're off by about 32 days there, buddy. You party pretty much every night already. Then you have those neighbors who insist on using fireworks for, like, 3 weeks after July 4th. Or what about people who put up Halloween/Christmas decorations MONTHS in advance? It's pretty much laughable when stores and commercials do it.

I don't know, maybe your family has some weird year-long Thanksgiving thing going on, but why the heck do you have a fake turkey in your yard five times longer than the average Thanksgiving vacation?
As a side note, where's International Pie Day? People should have pie stands instead of lemonade stands.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

My Momma Needs To Learn To Keep Her Phone With Her

     Ever since my mom got a cell phone, about nine years ago, she NEVER remembers to keep it with her, charged, on, or off silent. This has led to me trying to call her at work or the store many times and hearing it ring on the counter where she left it. What if there was an emergency? What if I needed her? What if she needed me? How the fuck am I supposed to know if something is wrong? Maybe this post will knock some sense into her since she doesn't listen.

     On Wednesday of last week, I decided that I had had enough of it. I was going to text her until she answered her damn phone if my thumbs fell off because I sent too many texts.

2:36 pm
1) Somebody is at the door for you.
2) Come get her.
3) I don't want her here.
4) I am going to text until she is gone.
5) Run Momma run.
6) Still waiting.
7) Why aren't you here yet?
8) If your phone is on silent, I'm going to smack you.
9) The dogs don't like her.
10)They keep barking.
11) That is like ten texts without a response.
12) Don't make me text Shorty.
13) Because I will.
14) I don't hear her but you haven't replied so I don't know what's happening.
15) Why aren't you replying?
16) Surely you know your phone is going off by now.
17) You aren't asleep, are you?
18) You better not be.
19) That wouldn't be good for your job.
20) Or your back and neck.
21) I think we've reached twenty texts.
22) You better not be ignoring me.
23) I'll ask Shorty.
24) I texted Shorty.
25) But you probably lost your phone.
26) Or left it somewher.
27) **somewhere.
28) That's usually why you don't reply.
29) My thumbs are tired.
30) You really should reply.
31) That is thirty texts.
32) Good thing we have unlimited texting.
2:45 pm
33) I know your alive because SOMEBODY answered your work phone.
34) But you still haven't replied.
35) Neither has Shorty though.
36) You really should pay more attention to your phone.
37) Unless you're just sitting there and reading all these messages.
38) And laughing.
39) That sounds like you.
40) You have to come home eventually.
41) You might as well reply now.
42) I wonder how many texts that is.
43) 42.
44) Shorty replied.
45) You better hurry up and do the same.
46) Can you tell I'm bored?
47) Still no answer?
48) Come on, you're a fast reader.

     After forty-eight non-stop messages, she FINALLY replied with "roftlmao". That's not even the right abbreviation, folks. It's "roflmao". There is no T. That all too place between 2:36 and 3:00. I don't know other exact times because my phone doesn't tell me that.

     She never would have checked her phone if Shorty hadn't told her though.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Today Is A Special Day

     I know I keep saying I'm gonna post on this day and that day, but you get an extra post this week. Why, you ask? Because today is a very special day.

Today is my mom's birthday  fourteenth anniversary of her twenty-fifth birthday.


     We're not actually celebrating today because she had to work, but when it comes out in theaters, I'm taking her to see Rock of Ages so she can listen to all the music that they had when she was a teenager. Does anyone want to bet that we'll have a popcorn fight and cause reasons to potentially be thrown out of the theater?


     Yeah, I wouldn't bet against that either.


     I'll probably take her out to eat too. Anyone want to bet that it will be iHop so she can get some bacon?


     Yeah, that's a good bet to take.


     Anyways, I'm going to close this up so I can post it while she's still at work and surprise her with it.

HAPPY FOURTEENTH ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY, MOMMA!

Monday, June 4, 2012

I'm Popular! And Other Junk.

     Actually, no, but I feel like it! Ever since Lady in Red from A Bozo's Abbozzo gave my first award to me (displayed on the right, in all it's amazingness), my views have skyrocketed and I have gained four followers. That was on Saturday and today is Monday.

     I wanted to welcome you all to my blog and thank you for even checking it out, but especially if you decided to follow me. That really means a lot to me and I hope you know that.

     Just so you guys know:

1) I always reply to comments when you leave them. I love talking to other bloggers and will gladly hold a conversation with you.

2) I have a list of almost thirty blogs (as of now) that I'm trying to go through.

3) When I check out somebody's blog, I always start at the oldest post and work my way to the newest. I don't follow until after that and I rarely comment until the newer posts, but that doesn't mean I'm not there.

4) If you follow me or suggest a blog, it will be put on the list of those to read. It's a first come first serve list, but the link will be there.

5) You guys make me happy and I love you for that.

     I also wanted to take the time to tell Lady, Santhosham. I just read on her blog that where she lives in India, that is the more proper way to express gratitude, rather than actually thanking somebody. If you haven't already, go check out that post here.


Saturday, June 2, 2012

We Interrupt Guest Post Saturday...

     Normally on Saturdays, I post guest posts that you send me. This is called Guest Post Saturday. (If you're interested in doing a guest post, please go here for everything you need and send me an email at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com.) But there has been an interruption in the guests posts because of something that has had me smiling all day.

     Are you ready for the exciting news?

     Are you?

     I GOT MY VERY FIRST AWARD.



     Lady in Red (formerly known as Bozo) from A Bozo's Abbozzo awarded me with the Kreativ Blogger Award. I honestly cannot tell you guys how thankful I am and how happy this made me. In order to really accept the award, I have to post and follow the rules.

1) Thank and link back to the awarding blog.
2) Answer the seven questions about yourself.
3) Provide ten random factoids about yourself.
4) Hand on the award to seven deserving others.


     I already thanked Lady, many times but, just because I'm so excited and happy...

I thought the red colors would be appropriate because of her name.
        On to the questions!

1) What is your favorite song?
     I don't really have a favorite song, not exactly. I have more song obsessions that can last from a week to months at a time, where I cannot listen to that song enough. If I had to pick one song, it would be Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw, which I fell in love with when I was two.

     Lately, I've been listening to Good Girl by Carrie Underwood, Nanana and The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance (they're my favorite band, if that means anything haha), Cheater Cheater by Joey and Rory, No Matter What by Papa Roach, and Skyscraper by Demi Lovato (yes, Demi Lovato, the Disney star- I don't hate Disney stars for their careers; leave me now if you must).

2) What is your favorite desert?
     Um... Ice cream? Usually with candy mixed in. I'm not good at picking one. Even when I go buy ice cream, I always end up with two scoops.

3) What do you do when you are upset?
     Upset? Is that angry, sad, both?

     When I'm angry, I either get really, really quiet and start texting people who will let me bitch until I fall asleep (literally) or I curse the person out for fucking up so bad (which rarely ever happens, and happens even less when I actually swear at them).

     When I'm sad, I tend to blast music, especially my latest song obsessions. Then I'll either go to sleep, text people so they'll talk about something to distract me, or text and then sleep. (I'm aware I sound like I'm always on my phone and I usually am. haha)

4) Which is your favorite pet?
     Whichever one is behaving. I'm not even kidding. I honestly love all of my animals equally but I will like whichever one is behaving the best at the moment more than the others.

5) Which do you prefer, white or whole wheat?
     White bread all the way. I don't like the way wheat tastes most of the time, which kinda sucks because I do try to eat (somewhat) healthy.

6) What is your biggest fear?
     I've mentioned my phobias of storms and spiders before. I don't remember if I've said it, but I'm scared of clowns, living dolls (or dolls in general, since you know, they could be alive), blood, the dark, and a few other things. But my biggest fear is losing the people I love. It terrifies me beyond all else.

7) What is your attitude mostly?
     Laid back, smart ass, shy with random outbursts (like song, dance, yelling something to scare people). Sometimes I get really hyper and then I'm not very shy but mostly a smart ass with the random outbursts that aren't so random. And I'm a bitch, but I think everyone knew that?

     Factoids!


1) To date, I've had pet cats, dogs, fish, turtles, tarantulas (technically, they were my dad's), snakes, frog, ducks, geese, gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, firebelly salamander, ghost shrimp, snails (water and land), birds, and a bunny. I'm not sure if that's all.

2) I never had my own phone until I was almost sixteen and I'm on my sixth phone and second phone number. (Don't look at me like that, only two had to be replaced, the rest were upgrades.)

3) Since the age of twelve I've dyed my hair blond, blond with light brown highlights, blond with dark brown streaks, blond with dark purple-red streaks, blond with a blue streak, dirty blond/light brown, four shades of red, red brown, red brown with black and red highlights, brown with black highlights, and most recently (as of Thursday) black with bright red and dark purple highlights. That's not even attempting the repeats, hair cuts, or the time I got a perm.

4) My piercings include one in my nose, two in each earlobe, and one in my upper right ear cartilage (there used to be one in the left, but it got infected and required my medic aunt, my dad, two pairs of pliers, and half a bottle of rubbing alcohol to get out- I didn't cry). I've been considering a belly ring, tongue ring, and tattoos but I have yet to decide if I want (or have the courage) to get them.

5) I've been in Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, Illinois, Indiana, Arkansas and Georgia. That includes traveling and living.

6) I have an obsession with Disney movies, especially the classics. If it's Disney movie related, I will freak the fuck out. The Lion King is my favorite, including the sequels (well, more the second than the third). I'm rebuilding my collection from tapes to DVDs. My money is going there instead of to buy furniture like it should be.

7) When I was little, I collected Puffkins. My mom worked at a zoo and they were sold in the gift shop. We would also check the stores in the mall known to sell them. Every single week. My first one was called Lancaster the Lion. We would decorate the house with them, according to the correct holiday. According to my mom, I had 120 something at last count, and it was an odd number. We lost them in a move.

8) Every day I go out, I wear a black and blue bracelet from TWOLHA, a bracelet almost identical to one that Sissi has (we made them together last summer, but mine broke, so it's only mostly the same now), a pretty heart ring my mom gave me for Christmas, a silver ring my dad got me with my name carved into it, a golden cross neckless that was given to me by a good friend at a church camp a few years ago, and earrings in my piercings (purple in my nose [I want to trade it for silver], silver in my ears- either studs or hoops).

9) I'm sorry that these facts aren't very interesting. I find listening facts about myself hard. I don't know if this counts as a fact but I don't know what else to put, so let's say it does.

10) When I was in 7th grade, I participated in a fashion show at the school. The guy who was supposed to walk with me left me in the middle of the floor/stage by myself when I wasn't halfway through the turn I was supposed to do. I guess that counts as an embarrassing moment (you're welcome, Lady! haha).

     And the award goes to...


1) My Toddler is a Supervillain

2) 1., b., Platypus

3) My Fight Inside

4) Crack You Whip

5) Touch of Embellishment

6) The Train's Whistle

7) Clay Baboons

     I'm not sure if everyone on that list even does the award thing and I know that some of them don't have very many posts. But this is about who deserves it and I love all of those blogs, so I guess all that's left is to pass on the news to them! (Well, and figure out how to put the award on my actual blog, not just in a post. haha)