Friday, November 30, 2012

NaBloPoMo Is Over

     I'm done with the challenge. I had to write a post every single day for the entire month of November and I have done that! It's a little shocking, actually. I took on the challenge while starting a new job and recovering from a concussion, so I thought I would fail by the second week. I almost failed on the second day, when I forgot to post until an hour before midnight.

     There were a lot of days, where I really struggled with what to say. I went from posting twice a week, to posting seven days a week for an entire month. It wasn't as easy as I thought it might be but it was still fun. It was a real challenge, which is probably one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much.

     Anti Bullying Week fell right in the middle of November, but I was putting off writing those posts because of how emotional they were, so I didn't really cheat on the challenge. Even if I would have had to, I would have posted prewritten posts during that week, since it's a really important topic. Luckily, I put important things off so I was able to just write them up on the write day (with the research I had previously done).

     Now that NaBloPoMo is over, I'm actually kind of sad. As difficult as it was at some points, this was really a lot of fun. I'm going to miss it and I totally plan on taking part in it again next November. In April, there is an A-Z Challenge that I just found out about, that I also plan on taking part in. The goal of that is to write a post every day, except Sundays, according to the alphabet. (A for __; B for __)

     Until then, unless I find out about another blogging challenge, I'll go back to posting every Monday and Thursday, with possible guest posts on Saturdays. It'll be a lot easier to post so much less but I'm really going to miss the challenge, so if anyone wants to challenge me to do something, feel free to do so.


     As for my rowmates (or romies), from Yeah Write during this, I'm really sorry if I haven't kept up with the comments on your blogs. I really haven't had time to go to so many blogs and leave comments. But! I'm going to be checking out every blog that has commented on mine and there is about a 99% chance that I'll end up following you. I just need some time to get around to everyone on my list.

     I guess I'll see ya'll on Monday.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Somebody Asked Me Questions

     That somebody was Brett Minor of The Transformed Non-Conformist. He wrote a post inviting all of his readers to ask him questions. In my crap-tastic post yesterday, I invited my readers to do the same thing since I am seriously struggling with what to write about (the offer still stands- I'm out of topics to write about). Brett stopped by and asked me two questions that I thought I would answer tonight.

"What makes you laugh? Every one's sense of humor is unique, so tell us what you find to be funny?"

     I actually tend to laugh a lot. I like laughing. Despite that, I don't really know what makes me laugh and I can't really describe my sense of humor, so I guess I can just name a few things that I can think of.

     Honestly, going back to read a lot of my old posts makes me laugh. It makes me thinks of all the stupid shit that Momma and I have gotten ourselves into. I don't even find the posts themselves that funny- It's the memories that make me laugh, I guess.

     My boyfriend, Wolfy. He probably makes me laugh the most out of anyone. Most of the time when we're talking, we're just being smartasses to each other. Even more often, he's trying to make me laugh because he says it's his job to keep me happy.

     Sissi and Brother have a lot of inside jokes with me that never fail to make me start laughing. It's mainly just stupid things that nobody would even understand, so I'm not going to bother explaining, but they deserve to be on this list.

     Jeff Dunham. I'm not a big fan of comedians or anything like that, but he is just fucking hilarious. I watched one of his shows with an old friend of mine, while we were laying on her bed. Her stepmom came running and told us to change the channel so we did. I laughed so hard that I had to run to the bathroom so I wouldn't pee myself and I almost fell off the bed several times.

     Ironic things and puns almost always make me laugh. Most of the time, it's at some sort of ironic thing that nobody else understand so everyone looks at me like I've lost my mind. As for puns, most people don't think they're funny. I was at Red Lobster with Sissi last year and she picked up her crab and had me pull her jacket sleeve over her hand. She said, "I'm feeling a little.....crabby." And I almost died.

     Children and animals. I'm not talking about brats that  punch their parents (which I saw at the restaurant, by the way). I'm talking about cute adorable little kids that are just cute and silly. A grandma at the restaurant was holding her grandson and he reached out for me so I offered my hand and he gave me a highfive, which made me laugh. When animals are playing and being cute, but being good, they made me laugh. My animals do that a lot because they're kind of weirdos.

     Jenna Marbles, Allie Brosh, and basically everyone else listed on my page of blogs that I read make me laugh. I love reading blogs that make me laugh (though, Jenna Marbles makes videos instead). Chances are, if I follow you (whether now or later), you have made me laugh at one point or another. Either that or I just think you're awesome so you win either way.

     A lot of times, when I fall, I laugh unreasonably hard. Once, I was playing with The Big Dog (back when he was about 30 pounds) and an old dog we had. One of them moved behind me and the other jumped on me. I lost balance, fell over the other one, and laughed so hard that my mom wanted to take me to the emergency room because she thought I had a concussion. I laughed for about ten minutes. (I didn't laugh when I actually did get a concussion.)


"Also, what makes you cry? There are some obvious things that bring tears to most peoples eyes, so I am not talking about the death of a family member or losing a pet. Smaller things that might even be embarrassing. Is there a commercial that brings tears to your eyes or do you choke up at the sight of a new baby?"

     I really don't cry that often, but I do cry easily. It's a weird combination. I don't really know how else to explain it, so I'll list some of those things now too.

     I am extremely sensitive to what Brother, Sissi, and Wolfy say. It's a little pathetic, actually. None of them have ever tried to make me cry and they probably don't even know when they did (um, surprise?). But something stupid can set me off.

     When somebody does something extremely nice for me, I will cry. Brother is the one who got me the plane ticket to go see Sissi last year (for reasons that I can't mention because its not my place). He told me that and I cried my fucking eyes out for about three hours. (I also had to fight tears when I saw her and I cried when I got on the plane to leave.)

     When somebody gives me compliments, I have to fight tears. For example, Kianwi wrote a post for Anti Bullying Week (well, she used the post that originally caught my eye and made me ask her). In the first two paragraphs, she explained what she was doing and she called me sweet and said that I poured my heart into my posts and had done an amazing job. I literally had to stop for a minute so I wouldn't start crying.

     If I'm mad enough, my eyes will start watering and I have to fight back tears. This happens less now than it did a few years ago, but if I'm mad enough, I will end up screaming and crying. Before you think it's a temper tantrum, it's not. It's literally something I cannot control.

     The movie Stand By Me made me cry unreasonably hard. I'm still not sure if its the movie itself or the way it ends or the fact that I was going through a rough patch or what. All I know, is the first time I saw it, I started crying and kind of freaked my mom out because movies don't typically make me cry. It still depresses me when I see it so I don't watch it.

     Math makes me cry. I'm not even kidding, as pathetic as it is. I get so frustrated and angry, that I can't deal with it. I will never be a math teacher, which is pretty obvious.


     Well, I hope I answered your questions, Brett. I wasn't really sure how to go about this. Thank you for giving me something to write about today. If anyone has any questions for me though, just comment some where and I'll use them in a future blog post.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Worst. Post. Ever.

     I can't think of anything to post about today. The only thing that's really happened, is that I've learned I'm getting such crappy hours that either they need to triple my pay or I need to get a second job. Or you guys can totally buy advertisements from me. That would be the best thing ever.

     Meanwhile, the park owner is in town while Mom is claiming that she isn't sick. In the six years she's worked here, she's only been sick once. The owner has never seen her sick. The owner is also a complete asshole who owes her a couple thousand dollars in bonuses because he "never has money". He used to live next door to a celebrity's summer home until he moved across the country and bought a boat last year. I think he can afford it. (Maybe he can buy an advertisement from me and I can just delete this post...)

     Apparently, the owner feels so bad that she's sick, that he's giving her one of her bonuses right away and is treating her nicer than he's ever been. So now she's admitting that she's sick and being all pitiful and pathetic. But she rescued me from a spider last night and drove me to work at the last minute today, so she's probably not on her deathbed.

     Now, I'm going to go finish my dinner, take a shower, and complain about how I don't get to work enough to afford anything to move out.

P.S. Brett Minor is doing something where he wants questions to inspire posts, so you should check it out. And since I have nothing to post tomorrow, you can ask me anything you want so I'll have something to say.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Apparently, I'm Accepting Advertisements Now (For Money)

     If you've checked out my other pages or you've been a reader for a long time, you'll know that I like having guest posts on my blog. I haven't had any in months though (and I guess I can't really accept them during the NaBloPoMo challenge, but that literally ends on this Saturday so let me know if you're interested).

     Last night, I was checking my email and I was surprised when I had two emails from somebody with the title "Do you need a guest post author for your blog?" I clicked on the first one and this is pretty much what I was greeted with:


     As you can see, I have to work tomorrow and Emily's birthday is coming up. I use my phone calender to keep up with things so since my phone is hooked up to it, I get emails too. As you can also see, I got five emails within the first fifty-eight minutes. The last one came after I had sent my reply:


     Honestly, I do like having guest posts because I love seeing what people can come up with. But what they were asking for was nothing more than a free advertisement. Um, no. As of now, I charge $30 a follower but that's subject to change. So if you want an advertisement, feel free to email me about it, but you better be ready to pay me.

     By the way, I haven't heard back from Yasir. That's a little disappointing. I could really use the $750.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Things That Make Work Less Fun

     Before I go any further, I'm going to let you guys know that my mom now has a Twitter (@onebaconlady) and you should follow her since she has no idea what she's doing and there's no telling what she'll say. It's also her first social media site ever. And you should follow my Twitter (@whenalionsleeps) because I'm me and I'm awesome.

     Yesterday, I wrote about things that make working in the restaurant a little more fun. Today, I'm going to talk about things that make my job a little less fun. Well, it's really just one thing in detail. When I'm a hostess, you would not believe how many people ask to change tables before they're sitting down or sometimes even after they've been sitting down. It's rude and it's not okay.

     Let me explain something. The servers add themselves to the list when they arrive. Each server gets a section with a certain amount of tables. You mark off a table on a seating chart when you take the person to that table, going in order of the list of servers to make sure you don't sit them multiple times and so you make sure you get everyone. Its very easy to give somebody too many tables otherwise.

     Of course, if it's Person A's turn and they only have a table that will seat four and Person B has a table that will seat six, when a party of six comes in. You can give seat them at the table for six and then go talk to both people to see who will take it. That means you have to leave the door unattended and other people get irritated. It also means you may not get to them fast enough before Person B takes the table since it's in their section or you may not find them fast enough and they'll be irritated they weren't greeted. And, if the tables are too far apart you're easily forgotten and it makes it hard to get to each other.

     Acceptable ways to request a certain table:
     You can call ahead for a certain table because it has a certain meaning and it will be reserved.
     You can call ahead if you're having more than four people, especially if you have more than six.
     You can ask to sit outside (if the option is available) or to sit inside.
     You can ask for a certain server by name.
     You can ask for a table or booth, if you are injured or have to have a highchair.

     Unacceptable shit to pull on the poor staff (all have happened to me):
     The server takes you to a nice table and all of the sudden, you decide you don't want a table anymore and you want a booth.
     You don't like the room you are put in and ask to go to a certain room five minutes after you've been taken to your table.
     Asking the server instead of the hostess.
     You make a reservation for 10 and then bring 14 people and expect your table to be set up.
     You don't make a reservation and then bring 6+ people and expect there not to be a wait.
     You ask for a booth/table before leaving the hostess station. (That results in the hostess running back to the station, checking to see where they put them and correcting the floor plan, often seating other people, and then trying to track down people to find who will take them.)
     You are a total asshole.
     You're "too close to the kitchen/bathroom/another table/kids and you hate them".

     In summery: You were put at a certain table or booth for a reason. If there was a choice for a booth or a table, it would not be rude to pick, but to just request one after being taken to your table is fucking rude. Shut the fuck up and enjoy your meal.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Things That Make Work More Fun

     I just went through a straight week of pretty depressing posts about bullying (links to all the posts can be found here) so I thought I would share a couple funny things that happened at work, mostly today but also a few weeks ago.



      After one of the big homecoming dances for a school, we had a table of ten teenage girls wearing the tiniest dresses ever made come in. We decided to sit them with one of the male servers who is still in highschool (a different highschool), since it was the only table open and it was his turn anyways. Everyone started making jokes about how he was going to enjoy serving their table.

     He started getting their drink orders when a different girl walked in. She asked to sit in that same guy's section and he just had a table open up. The other hostess looked at her and told her that she had to swear to behave, so the girl promised and then I took her to the seat but I didn't know what was happening.

     About five minutes later, we heard a huge bang that came from the kitchen and then one of the servers came out laughing and told us that somebody dropped a pan of bechamel sauce and it got all over the other server's ass. I thought it was funny but everyone else was laughing a lot harder than I was so they finally thought to tell me, "Not only is he serving a bunch of slutty girls while his girlfriend is here but now they're all staring at his ass."



     Today, I was a hostess again. The day after Thanksgiving, the entire restaurant was decorated with Christmas things too. We have a tree inside and outside. There are huge fake presents under the tree and all around the hostess station. Christmas music has been playing and one song sounds like a dying cat, playing with a donkey in labor, while a chainsaw is spazzing out. I'm not even kidding.

     A lot of people keep making jokes about what present do they get to take home. It was funny the first time and I was just like, "I dunno. I guess you better start checking the name tags." After that another server picked up the biggest empty box and handed it to them and said, "Well you get the biggest present!"

     I held the door for a couple that was leaving and the man was like, "Merry Christmas!" So I was confused since that's a month away and I was like, "Christmas? It's not even December yet!" He laughed and told me, "Well it's just around the corner. Merry Christmas!" Considering Thanksgiving was a lot closer and I'm a little bit of a smartass, especially with the guests, I told him, "Well then Happy Late Thanksgiving!" He walked away giving me a look like I'm the weird one.



     Also today, two old ladies left while I was at the hostess station. I didn't get to the door in time to hold it open so instead, I just told them, "Thank you for coming!" so they looked at me and said, "You too!" While I was trying not to cry from subtly laughing uncontrollably, their server ran passed me and out the door. A couple minutes later, he came back and told me, "They forgot their credit card. I watched them open the book, sign it, and then close it." We then decided that the little old ladies should not be allowed to drive.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Contributors

     This is my last post for Anti Bullying Week 2012. This post is a collection of links that people have sent me since October. These are other people, brave and strong people, who are sharing their stories with the world and are speaking out against bullying. Please, click the links and read what they have to say.

Lori Sizemore- Lori shared her story of struggles with low self-esteem from being teased about weight throughout her life. She also shares a breakthrough that she had, realizing that bullies will always find something to tease you about for the simple fact that they're bullies who will be cruel. You can click here for her blog or here for her Twitter.

Landra Graf- Landra shared her story of being of a family without money as a child and being bullied throughout her elementary school years, to the point she lost part of herself in highschool. She admitted that at first, she wasn't going to write the post, but I'm incredibly happy that she did. You can click here for her blog.

Kianwi - Kianwi shared her story of what it was like to be singled out for purely superficial reasons, while living in another country. Though she wasn't actually bullied, they treated her so differently, that it was as though they worshiped her. Instead of accepting her, they saw her appearance. It really could have been a lot different- She could have been treated in the exact opposite away. You can click here for her blog or here for her Twitter.

Ashley - Ashley shared her story of being bullied into transferring schools, self harm, being admitted to hospitals, and even attempting suicide. Her story shows the snowball effect of what one person can cause. If she had succeeded, my wonderful friend would not be here today to share her story of what she went through for far too long. You can click here for her blog.

Mercedes - Mercedes shared her story by explaining different types of bullying and even some things that people think as normal, are really just bullying. She also shares what its like to be different and be judged for it, and how much it can hurt. You can click here for her blog.

Alexandra Founda - Alex shared her story on a blog that she made just for this project. She talks about how being bullied as a child, by basically everyone, almost killed her. Eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, stealing... She did it all, in an effort to make people love her after they tormented her. You can click here for her blog, though she probably won't write other posts.

     I'm hoping that next year, I'll have an even bigger turn out. All of you are invited to join next year, whether you're reusing a post from this year or you're going to write a new one, whether you participated or not. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that these six people joined in there year.

     If you want to read my posts you can click here
Part One- Bullying statistics and the things it can cause.
Part Two- An exorcise that shows some examples of what it's like to be bullied.
Part Three- A list of celebrities, royalty, and presidents who were bullied and some of their stories.
Part Four- Part one of my story of being bullied.
Part Four and a Half- The second part of my story of being bullied.





**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Friday, November 23, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Four And A Half

     This marks the last of my personal posts for Anti Bullying Week, the second half of my story. Tomorrow, as promised, I will post any links you email me (pertinax_puella@hotmail.com) with full credit given in a post and on a new page. Trust me, I know how scary it is to speak up, but it's better to speak up and potentially help somebody than not.

     Like yesterday, there are a few things I would like to make clear before continuing on. I do not want sympathy, pity, or anything like that. If you feel bad, then write a post and email me the link to it. That is the only kind of sympathy I will accept. I'm not doing this to gain attention for me. I want attention about bullying and the victims. I just want to help somebody.

     In yesterday's post, I explained that I have blocked memories and sometimes things will trigger them, and that is basically never a good thing. I talked about how people would make comments to me, and others, about my skin condition and how insanely self conscious I am of it. I talked about how even the person you think is your best friend can actually be a bully. I talked about the hell it was, having a group of kids harass me at school every day and try to make me relive one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a kid. I talked about how it affected my emotions so badly, I would start fights with my mom because I was sure she would eventually hate me anyways. I talked about how an old friend saved me, but I failed to stick up for a boy and last I heard, he was a recovering drug addict. And finally, I talked a small bit about how my dad screamed and cursed at me until I cried for an hour for not telling him that Mom and I moved, when she had full custody and he was overseas.

     Before I go on to talk about seventh grade, where the time frame would pick up, I'm going to talk a little bit more about my family. Families can be some of the worst bullies there are. Anyone who has read my blog since September, should know that I do not have a good relationship with my dad. I never have and I've come to accept the fact that I never will.

     My dad was in and out of the country a lot, for various reasons I can't post here. I understand that and I know that's not entirely his fault, so he couldn't be present for everything. I don't blame him for that. What I'm talking about, is how he lived two hours away and always promised to visit but never did. What I'm talking about, is how when we lived with him, I would beg him to play games with me or watch TV with me or just talk to me. He would yell at me and usually send me out of the room to entertain myself, if he didn't straight out pretend I didn't exist.

     When I was in school, he would randomly ask for report cards and I would proudly tell him that I was on the A honor roll or the A-B honor roll. My name was in the newspaper a couple of times, along with other students, because of our high grades. I got an 84 in math one time, when I was in fourth or fifth grade. He yelled at me so bad, for "getting a bad grade" and "not doing good enough" that I stressed myself out every time he wanted to know my grades. That made it harder to keep my grades up.

     Nothing I've ever done has been good enough and I don't think I'll ever do anything good enough to please him. I spent seventeen years of my life trying to make my dad happy and make him give a damn. All he's ever done is push me around and tell me it's not good enough. Then throw in an "I love you" or an expensive present or something to make sure I won't stop talking to him.

     His mom used to be somebody I was insanely close to when I was a little kid. She was always trying to do the right thing to make my mom happy so that I would be allowed to visit. Then my dad got transferred and she stopped trying. So did my dad's dad. I talk to them on the phone maybe three or four times a year. I haven't visited it about a year and a half. I used to try but they never tried to do anything to help.

     No, instead, they would make the visits to their house hell. Memaw made dinner one night and after eating, I took my plate to the kitchen. They don't buy tissue so when my nose started running, I went to the bathroom and even left the door open. I was gone less than a minute. Memaw pulled me aside and demanded to know if I had just thrown up my food on purpose because I was "too skinny".

     About a year later, I wasn't hungry one hour after eating a big breakfast and she accused me of being anorexic, in front of my entire family. That same trip to her house, I was having a bad week with the psoriasis and sometimes, with the skin getting so dry on my face it will cause it to become too oily and I'll get a zit or two. Every person on the planet gets them. It sucks but it's not a crime. Apparently, she thought it was, because she let the thirty something people in the nail salon know that my face wasn't perfect.

     She's yelled about how I shouldn't dye my hair because my natural hair color is too pretty. She hadn't seen me in a year to even know what my natural hair color was anymore, since it had darkened up so much. Two hours later, she sat with me on the couch and started playing with my hair and telling me it was pretty. She yelled about me dying my hair again later.

     I could go on for a while about all of the things that she's said, done, and accused me of, but I'm going to finish with this last one and then move on. For those of you who don't know me, I am nineteen years old and I've been dating my first boyfriend since the middle of July. Please note the words 'first boyfriend'.

     I have never hidden the fact that I refused to date because I would not lower my standards. If somebody asked me why I wouldn't date, I would tell them exactly why. Most people encouraged me. Of course, my family (outside of Mom) didn't believe me and they would ask me several times a visit, just to be sure I was telling the truth.

     When I turned about fifteen, Memaw asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. She asked why. I told her why. This is what she told me, "Well, one day you're going to meet a boy who's just so cute that you're going to think you're in love with him and your just going to drop your panties for him. Make sure you use protection." If that's not a subtle way to call somebody a whore, I don't know what is. She has done that at least once a visit every time I've got to see them since then, even in front of my little cousin and Pawpaw.

     That probably all just sounds like family drama and trouble. Technically, you're right. What you have to understand is that it literally does not matter who is bullying who, it is still bullying. There is no way around that fact. Memaw isn't the only one in my family who has treated me like that but she's the most blunt about it, so it's the easiest to give examples on. Think about it this way: If a stranger told you those things, it would be bullying, so why would it only be considered family trouble if somebody you share DNA with said the exact same thing?

     Now we're going to pick back up at seventh grade. Even though we stayed in the same state, we moved about an hour away because of my mom's dad and stepmother. They could probably have their own post, just like Memaw could, but I'm not even going to go into that because I have to sleep at some point in the near future. They're the ones who moved us to the city, even though I finally had a school where, even if  I didn't fit in, I had friends and I wasn't being harassed every day.

     I started school and that was where it all went to hell. From then on, people would talk about me behind my back and to my face, people would shove me against the lockers or walls, and trip me while I was walking. I was pushed on the stairs, which I was on roughly six times a day between classes. Thank goodness I never fell more than two or three steps.

     I was grabbed and smacked in the ass. I only ever caught one person who did it. The entire cafeteria heard me completely lose my temper with him. That didn't stop somebody else from doing it- it just made them careful to only do it in crowded hallways so they could disappear.

     My gym locker was broken into and everything was stolen, including my deodorant. The teacher yelled at me and accused me of leaving it unlocked or losing everything in the locker room. She never made an effort to listen to what I had to say. She also used to punish our class for what the class before us would do (she literally told us) and we would have an hour of jumping jacks, push ups, and sit ups without a break.

     The reading teacher was probably the worst. Every time she had something bad to say about a student, I was always the one she looked at. She literally told the class, "Don't trust the school councilors. They'll tell everything to the rich kids." She looked right at me and from then on, people though I was a gossip and a snitch, so things just got worse. I have never been rich in my life and I have yet to know who the councilor was for me to have ever spoken to him or her.

     I was absent one day and didn't have time to read the entire short story plus write the essay, but she wouldn't allow me to take it home. I read all except the last page, which had three paragraphs on it. I wrote the essay and finished it as the bell was ringing. Because I didn't include one sentence about the last page, she gave me a 64 on it and a 64 of the report card. I was the only one in the advanced reading class who could read and I was the only one she failed.

     Things were so bad in that school, that I would come home with new bruises basically every day that I went. I ended up with horrible stomachaches that were so bad, I wouldn't be able to move at all. I was in and out of the ER. They had me do all sorts of tests and scans and x-rays but nothing was physically wrong. The school was so bad, that I had incapacitating stomachaches.

     So I left. Winter break came and I just never went back. Considering my advanced English class was the only class where I was actually passing (with an A, if can point out, to prove that I am not stupid when it comes to reading), I wouldn't have been allowed to go to eighth grade anyways.

     The only homeschool system in my city was connected with that school. I would still have to go in for testing. We couldn't even find the building until the summer came and they weren't accepting anyone to enroll. Not only that, but we couldn't afford a few hundred dollars for books, and nothing could make me go back to the school.

     Even the school cop tried to keep me out. He came to check on me after I had been 'absent' for three weeks. He never came inside like he was supposed to. He knew who I was and he did his best to watch out for me in school, but he couldn't just escort me. So he told the school that I wasn't home and couldn't be found.

     I was literally bullied out of school in the seventh grade. I'm in an online highschool now. That means, in order to get my diploma, I have to skip two years of knowledge (not that I was learning in seventh grade, if I may point out) and go straight into subjects that I wasn't ever taught about. We've already paid way too much money for me to just go get a GED and we can't afford a tutor, so I haven't done any school work in about a year. If I hadn't been bullied in school so badly, I wouldn't have the problem of going on twenty years old and not having any sort of diploma.

     I haven't stepped foot in that school since the day I just stopped going. I never even planned it. It just sort of happened but there are three possible outcomes at the rate it was going: I would have failed and had to repeat the school year. I could have been jumped and probably had the shit beat out of me. I could have been killed. That was going on six years ago and every time we go by the school, I still remember and feel everything as if I'm supposed to get up and go to class tomorrow morning.

     I'm lucky enough that I got out of the school before I was seriously physically hurt, but they did a lot of emotional and mental damage. I haven't gone to see a therapist, but I can tell you right now that I've suffered with depression for years. I don't really know how long. I've wanted to hurt myself and I've wanted to kill myself so that I could make it all stop.

     The lowest part was about two years ago when I was on the edge of doing something drastic every single day. Things have gotten much better, yes, but there are still hard days. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in over a year, give or take a few months since I didn't exactly write down the date, but I'm terrified they'll come back. I'm finally learning what it's like to be happy and what it's like to have people who actually give a damn about me, but I don't think I will ever get rid of the fear that it'll just go away and I'll be bullied and hurt again.

     I'm lucky enough that I survived, not only being bullied, but the depression that came with it. I found my real family, my Sissi and my Brother, and my Sis when she's not being a hermit. I have amazing friends- some of whom will be sharing their own stories tomorrow. I have my mom and I actually understand that now. And I have an amazing boyfriend who understands that my emotions are fucking insane and has made it his personal goal to keep me happy.

     Not everyone is that lucky. Stand up for somebody, write a post, just do something to make a difference and help people who are being bullied. Nobody deserves it. I wouldn't even wish it on the ones who bullied me.






**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Four

     This entire week, my posts have been split into parts, each with a different topic about bullying. Today and tomorrow, my posts will be split up again. I guess you could call it part four and part four and a half, because my story is too long to put into one post.

     Honestly, I am scared shitless about posting this. I don't like talking about it. I don't like thinking about it. It's just a really scary and hard topic to discuss with anyone and now I'm putting it out there for the entire world to see (or at least, my 23 readers). If you don't want to write a post and open up because of that, trust me, I completely understand, but the best way to make a difference is to talk about it. If you do want to write a post, and I encourage you to, please please please email me the links at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com so that I can post the links with full credit on a new post and page on Saturday.

     Before I go any further, I would just like to state that I'm not doing this for sympathy or attention for myself and I really don't want pity or sorrow or anything like that. The best thing you can do, if you want to make me feel better, is to write a post and let me link up with it so we can potentially help more people. That's all I want out of this.

     I don't even remember a lot of my childhood. I have a lot of blocked memories and sometimes things will trigger them. Things can get pretty bad when that happens. My emotions are at their worst when my mind starts to wander, especially if I've had a bad day or if something happened to make me start thinking about it.

     I've mentioned before, in older posts, that I have psoriasis. That's a skin condition where your body makes too many skin cells so they over lap and become very dry and irritated. I don't even have it that bad. It's on my scalp, so my hair hides it. On bad days, it'll try to go on my ears and my face. My left ear had a piercing in the cartilage when I was thirteen. Skin over grew it in one night, about a month after I got it, and it got infection so it was removed.

     When I was little, we didn't know what it was. We didn't know that lotion, certain soaps, or my nails scrubbing my scalp could keep it under control. This was long before I discovered hair dye. My face was always dry because we just didn't know what to do and I never gave it a second thought until people started saying things. I was probably only in pre-k when I first remember it but it continued until I was in fourth grade.

     "What's that stuff on your face?" "Ew, you have something on your face." "Don't you wash your face? What is that stuff?"

     Every. Single. Day.

     The worst part was, it wasn't just kids that would say things like that. Teenagers would ask me if they were with their little siblings. Parents would ask me. Even staff may have asked me, but I can't be sure about that. What I did know, was that they were adults. I even had hair salons turn me away when I was in elementary school because they thought I would give it to their customers or something.

     Eventually, a doctor told me what it was and to use certain medicated shampoos. I actually became immune to them. I would use about two or three bottles and then they would just stop working and it would all start right back up. My 'cousins' used to love playing with hair and they would beg me to play with my hair when I was little, because it was such an unusual blond, but I was literally ashamed to tell them because of all of the verbal abuse. To this day, they think it was because my scalp was too sensitive and the brush would hurt me, even though I absolutely love people playing with my hair.

     Now, I scrub my face with a soap that has little beads in it with wash rags, so people won't see it. A lot of times, that causes my face to look red or pink. I'm already really pale so that's easy enough to notice. If I see a little patch of dry skin after applying part of my make up, I have to repeat the process and that makes the redness worse. Wanna guess who comments on it? Everyone. I use my nails to scrub my scalp and then overload conditioner, which I let sit for at least five minutes. Sometimes, there's still a little 'dandruff'. Wanna guess who comments on it? Everyone who sees it.

     You're probably thinking that it's just a medical condition and I shouldn't be ashamed or self conscious because I can't help it. I'm fully aware of that. But I can't help it. If I'm having a bad day with it, that's all I can think about. Last night, at work, the manager tried to tell me I had an eyelash on my face and I freaked out because I thought I had noticeable dry skin there.

     Moving on to a different subject, friends can be as big of bullies as the best you scream at every day. I used to have a friend like that. We met in the fourth grade and were only friends until a couple weeks into fifth grade, when I made a real friend and I finally understood that I didn't have to be treated like crap by somebody who was supposed to care.

     This story is actually really unpleasant to talk about even though its far from the worst thing to happen and I'm going to say this now: If you actually know me, don't bring it up. Just don't. This is the only time I plan on talking about it.

     In fourth grade, I had a crush on a kid in my class. I decided to tell my friend during a field trip when we were allowed to talk, because that's what I thought you were supposed to do. Within five minutes, she had told somebody else, who then went and told the boy's friends, who then literally screamed it for the entire fourth grade (roughly 120 students, plus staff) to hear. That was how he found out. He never spoke to me again and wouldn't even be caught dead on the same side of the classroom as me.

     At the end of the school year, the girl and I were still friends. To this day, I don't know why. I guess it was she was the only person who didn't shun me after that, even though she caused it. Her family would take me to church on Sundays so she called me to talk about it the day before. I never saw the movie The Ring until I was fifteen or sixteen. I never knew about the "You will die in seven days" quote until school started back up. While we were on the phone, she went dead silent in the middle of a conversation. When I asked if she was still there, she whispered it and sort of deepened her voice so I couldn't tell it was her. Then she hung up. I literally thought I was going to die seven days later.

     The first day of fifth grade, in science class, we had to fill out work sheets in a group of two or three students that you didn't know. It was basically to help you make friends by getting to know each other. You had to write your name, your favorite song, your favorite movie, that sort of thing. The teacher partnered me with a girl I had never met. Every time I answered a question, she would scoff because I didn't like the same movies as her. To be likable, in her book, I had to love romance movies, rap music, and leaning over so that my bra could be seen by everyone in the room (I'm not kidding. She did that.). That was the start.

     The entire year, that girl had two girls she was friends with and three boys. They made it their personal goal to harass me. I never once saw them harassing anyone else. If they could say something nasty about me, they said it. If they could tell on me for something, they would, whether I had done it or not. They would follow my two or three friends and I around during recess, so maybe they could over hear some sort of rumor to spread, since that was their biggest weapon.

     They even tried to make me relive what happened in fourth grade, since one of the girls was there when it happened. In math class (you won't believe this, but that was my favorite class that year, because I loved my teacher- only time I ever enjoyed math), the boys started calling my name and whistling at me and if I turned around, they would wink or blow a kiss or things like that. We had free time at the end of the class so the girls ganged up on me and demanded to know which boy I liked and when I said I didn't like any of them, they demanded to know if I was a lesbian.

     I literally went home crying every night because of everything they did to me. They had me convinced that I was ugly, that I was stupid, that I would never be good enough, that nobody loved me or cared what happened to me. My emotions were so out of control, that things almost got physical with my mom because of my actions, the only person who wanted to comfort me. If everyone else wanted to hurt me and thought badly, surely she would too. It would only be a matter of time before she would have turned on me too and it would be easier to just be a bitch so it wouldn't hurt as much.

     Sixth grade involved moving to a new state, where I live now. I met a friend, who to this day, I honestly believe saved my life because I was going downhill so fast. A lot of people in that school thought of me as an outcast but people weren't usually straight out mean, at least not to me. I watched one really sweet kid get bullied because he was gay. I ran into him when I was sixteen and he was a recovering drug addict because of what the kids put him though. I never stood up for him, even though I wasn't mean to him, and I regret it to this day. Maybe I could have helped him like my friend saved me.

     Many of you know that I do not have a good relationship with my dad. He didn't know we moved because we were still getting settled in. He was overseas and my mom had full custody anyways, so he didn't get a say. He found out we moved, called on the cell phone, and started screaming at me to the point my mom heard things clearly through the phone. He called me a liar, accused me of not loving him, threatened to have me taken away from Mom, threatened to have her put in jail. Lots of foul words were involved. I cried for an hour. My dad finally decided to pay attention to me and even he was bullying me.

     This is where I end the first part of this post. The second will be up tomorrow. A lot of you may think that what I went through wasn't bullying or wasn't that bad. Things could have been a lot worse and they did get worse. The thing is, even words can hurt you so deeply that you'll never get over it. Don't point out somebody's flaw. Give them a fucking compliment instead. Don't try to make them relive something horrible or make them go through something bad instead. Stand up for the kid who's being bullied so they don't end up doing something that could ruin their lives.





**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Three

     This is the third day of my posts for Anti Bullying Week. That means I'm half way through after this post. On Saturday, I'll post the final post including links from anyone who wrote a post this week or back in October (Anti Bullying Month), as well as on a new page that I'll be adding to my blog. Please email me your links at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com because I really, really want somebody to join in and I really want to be able to thank you, if you do.

     Today's post is about how literally anyone can suffer from bullying. It's not just teenagers, kids, or students that go through it. Celebrities, presidents, and even those of royal blood have been bullied as well. To top it all off, the bullying doesn't stop when they become famous. Sometimes that's what starts it. A lot of people go out of their way to send nasty messages to celebrities, just like they would a regular person, simply because they aren't a fan.

     I'm going to include a list and short description of what some people went through. Sources are at the bottom, as well as links to much longer lists of celebrities who were bullied. Check those out if you want more information or you can easily Google it.

Jennifer Livingston - She is a TV anchor who went viral recently, when an email attacked her for "being a bad role model" because of her weight. It was followed up with support to Jennifer but it was also followed up with support for the bully attacking her. She runs in Triathlons and has a thyroid condition that makes it harder to lose weight, but that is not any reason to attack her, or anyone else.

Amanda Todd - She recently went viral as well, when she posted a nine minute long video about the bullying she went through and after several attempts, ended her own life at only fifteen. Police have reported "thousands of death threats on Facebook" and it didn't help that she changed schools multiple times. And still, people have not stopped bullying her. I stumbled across her name on Twitter with "RIP Amanda Todd" and when I clicked to see what it was about, all I saw was "Why is RIP Amanda Todd trending? Who cares?" and other things of the same or worse nature. People won't even respect her memory when they killed her.

Eminem - When he was a student, he was beaten so badly that his mother tried to sue the Detroit school system for failing to protect him. It was dropped due to "governmental immunity" and in 1999, he had a song called "Brain Damage". I haven't listened to it because I'm not a fan of rap, but I'm assuming it was about the bully, considering the attacker tried (and failed) to sue him for writing it.

Demi Lavato - She was attacked all throughout her school years and publicly had to deal with not only being bullied, but the effects of being bullied and dealing with bipolar disorder- both of which can be deadly on their own. By age 12, she restricted herself to only two meals a week.

Rebecca Black - Basically everyone has heard her song "Friday". That song came out when she was thirteen years old. The backlash and pure hatred she received after doing that song, not only caused fake pictures to circulate that she was pregnant and cause people to call her things such as "slut", but forced her into homeschooling so she could escape the kids at school.

Miley Cyrus - Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter and former Disney star- everyone knows her. When she was younger, she was (and still is, actually) a small girl. The bullies who attacked her were over a foot taller than her and attacked and harassed her to the point that the principle had to stop actual fights. And now? All you hear is that she isn't a role model because of the clothes she wears. Last time I checked, she's an adult, she is no longer with Disney, and she isn't telling anyone to be anyone to do what she does.

Selena Gomez - She and Demi Lavato were best friends when they were children and Demi wasn't the only one who was bullied. Selena was bullied every minute that she was in elementary and junior highschool, but said that she was glad that at least her best friend was by her side.

Megan Fox - Before she was famous, she said that she only ever hung out with boys because girls just straight out hated her because she wanted to be an actress. They bullied her and she was an outcast with her own gender, simply because of what she wanted to do with her life.

Prince Harry Windsor - Everyone knows who Prince Harry is because for one, he's a prince, and for two, his bright red hair. When he was in school, he was tormented because of his hair color. One would think you would be able to escape such petty bullying if you join the military. If you were that one who thought that, you would be wrong.

Christina Aguilera - After being on the show "Star Search", a group of bullies would show up at her singing events and try to sabotage the performances. They even went so far as to slash her mother's tires. It got to the point where the bullying was so bad, Christina had nightmares and had to seek out therapy.

President Bill Clinton - When he was in school, his weight caused him to be bullied horribly. A 6'6" kid punched him right in the face. After that, it's not really a secret what happened between him and his secretary, and the entire country bullied him for making a mistake. People still bully him for that even though it was over a decade ago.

Winona Ryder - When she was in middle school, she was beaten up for "looking like a boy". She went into the bathroom and heard the bullies say, "Hey faggot" before they slammed her head against a locker and then proceeded to kick her. After she became famous, they asked her for an autograph and she used some colorful words in telling them no.

Tyra Banks - A now-supermodel who was made fun of for her looks in school. When she was a student, a boy she had a crush on caused her to cry by saying, "I do not want that tall, skinny, braces mouth, big foreheaded girl anywhere near me." Years later, she went to a club he was a bouncer at and completely changed his mind about her, for her appearance.

Rihanna - When she was in school, she was bullied because she was "white". Honestly, I don't even understand what that means. I've never understood what anything like that means because a person is a person. That's all there is to it.

Brittany Snow - She was bullied every day by a girl in school. The girl would write her a note every single day, telling her how she should kill herself. She would also write cruel things on fliers that she would throw around in the lunchroom, as well as throw things at Brittany herself, and hit her. Brittany has been struggling with depression, anorexia, and cutting.

Jessica Simpson - In highschool, Jessica was one of the popular girls as well as a cheerleader but that did not protect her from the bullies in her school. They were a group of girls who would egg her house and write profanities on the sidewalk outside of her house. She says she is thankful, though, because now she knows how to deal with things now. Is it just me, or does that make it seem like she's still being bullied?

Clay Aiken - Before American Idol, all through his school years, he was made fun of for being gay. They would call him things such as "fag" and torment him because of his sexual orientation. It only continued after American Idol and now he's working with Congress to pass laws requiring teachers to discuss the issue of gay bullying.

Princess Kate Middleton - An interview from one of her boarding school friends, says that Princess Kate did not fit in with the other girls at the boarding school. They went so far as to put feces in her bed, so that the princess would be lonely and in tears most nights.

Justin Timberlake - When he was in school, he was made fun of for having acne and for his hair. He found it impossible to fit in because he preferred music to playing football.

Daniel Radcliff - After he became Harry Potter, people became jealous of him and began tormenting him for taking the role. He is now outspoken about bringing attention to bullying in hopes that people will realize how horrible it is.





Source One

Source Two

Source Three

Source Four



**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Two

     Today is the second part of my posts for Anti Bullying Week. If you want to write your own post, I will gladly post the link with full credit to the author on Saturday. Just email me the link at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com and it will be on the post and new page I will be adding.

     I want to do a little exorcise that I saw on TV once. It seemed stupid at first, but it had a very valid point. I'm going to write out a scenario and I want you to pretend that you're the victim. Imagine how you would feel if something like this happened to you. Or better yet, imagine how you would feel if it happened to the person you love most.

     My original plan was to write about the different types of bullying, but I didn't know how to write it where it would be easy to fully understand without writing out a scenario. So, I wrote out a short scenario about what one might go through on the daily basis of being bullied in school. It honestly might just be best to skip this post though, especially if you've ever been bullied or know somebody who has been bullied.

     If you've been bullied, you might just want to skip the italicized font and the pictures and go to the part after that. I don't want to upset anyone with this. I know it's incredibly easy to go back to a certain place in time when you were hurt and that's the last thing I want here. I've put my warning and I'm also making this my disclaimer, so its your choice to proceed from here.

     You wake up with a feeling of dread in your stomach. You have to go back to school today and though you love your lessons, you loathe the school. That place has become your own personal hell. But you have to go. So you get up, get ready, and make your way to your class.

     When you open your locker, you can hear people talking about you, saying your name. "___ looks fat today." "They're the ugliest thing I've ever seen." "___ is  an idiot. It's a wonder they passed last year." It hurts more than you want to admit but by now, you have become used to it.

     You start to go to class but somebody sticks their foot out and trips you. Your books go everywhere and you can feel everyone staring, hear how loudly everyone is laughing. "What a loser." "Why don't they just kill themselves already?" "We'd be better off without somebody like that."

     The rest of the day is much of the same. People shove you, lie in class that you're doing something wrong, call you names. In PE, you find that somebody has stolen your clothes for the third time the semester so you have to wear sweaty gym clothes for the rest of the day. In lunch, somebody knocks your tray of food out of your hands so you have to wait in the line for another ten minutes to get barely edible food. On the way home, you get followed and harassed, until you're finally in the safety of your home.

     But it hasn't ended yet. No, your day is not yet over. You have homework and want to check Facebook, so you sign onto the computer. You're greeted with this:














     There are so many hateful messages. You may not have believed them at first, but you're really starting to wonder if they're right. What if what they're saying is true? Should you listen to them? The feelings are so dark and painful that you don't know what to do anymore. All you know is that you have to wake up tomorrow and do it all again.

     Let me see if I can list all of the emotions... Anger, fear, sadness, loss of hope, anxiety, depression, weakness, self loathing, hatred of the world and everyone in it, jealousy, pain... Where is the happiness? Where's the joy and love of life? Just because somebody has a smile, doesn't mean that it's real and that they aren't hiding things like this.

     There are more types of bullying than I listed. I pointed out harassment at school and cyber bullying, but it goes so much further than that. People are bullied at work, at home, by their friends, by their significant others, by their family, by their teachers, by students... You can literally be bullied by anyone.

     Being insulted isn't okay. Being pushed around isn't okay. Being told to do something that could hurt you or someone else isn't okay. It doesn't matter who the person is; it is never okay to bully somebody else. It is never okay to hurt somebody else. There is absolutely no reason for bullying to be acceptable but people keep turning their heads the other way.

     I accidentally found forty-five different messages sent to one person on Tumblr and sent by one person on Twitter. Forty-five messages. I was originally going to upload a video but it would be five and a half minutes and I didn't have time to make or upload it. How can somebody be that cruel, to send so many cruel things?

     When is the bullying going to stop? When are the bullies going to learn that it's not okay to hurt other people? When are the victims going to be able to wake up in the morning and know they're going to have a good day, without fear or anger or depression?

P.S. The girl getting all of the messages on Tumblr deleted her account. Last time I checked, she hadn't posted on anything else in months and she had attempted suicide multiple times prior. I'm convinced that she finally succeeded.



**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Monday, November 19, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part One

     I've been talking about it for months, but in case you've just stumbled upon this blog or forgot what this week is, it's Anti Bullying Week. This entire week, I'm going to write a different post every day in an attempt to bring awareness to just how bad bullying can be. I invite you all to do the same and send me the links to your post (via my email pertinax_puella@hotmail.com) and I'll post those links in the final post, as well as a new page.

     This post is going to have the facts that I've researched. Statistics are boring, I know, but just read through them for a minute. Just sixty seconds to see what I'm really trying to get across. All of my sources will be linked at the bottom of this post, if you want to see for yourself, or check out more facts.

  • 1 out of 4 kids are bullied.
  • 9 out of 10 LGBT students have been bullied.
  • As many as 160,000 students skip school to avoid being bullied.
  • 282,000 students in secondary schools are physically attacked each month.
  • 43% of students have been bullied online.
  • 1 in 4 have been bullied more than once.
  • 97% of middle school students are bullied online.
  • 35% of students have been threatened online.
  • 1 in 5 have had it happen more than once.
  • 58% of students have admitted somebody has said something mean or threatening to them online.
  • 4 in 10 have had it happen more than once.
  • 58% of students haven't told a parent or adult about what has been said.
  • 77% of students are bullied physically, mentally, and verbally.
  • 43% of students fear harassment in the school bathroom.
  • 87% of school shootings are motivated by a desire to "get back at those who have hurt them".
  • 86% said, "others picking on them, making fun of them, and bullying them" cause teens to turn to lethal violence in the schools.
     I've lived through the hell of being bullied and even I didn't realize how high the numbers are until I looked up the facts. I don't know what happened to make people start attacking everyone else, but I do know that it has to stop. People don't deserve to be treated like that; nobody deserves to be treated like that.

     If you've read this far, you've already read through a lot of statistics, but now I'm going to ask you to read some of the effects that bullying can cause. Calling somebody ugly or stupid or fat doesn't just go away. A compliment can make somebody feel wonderful for a while, but a victim of bullying never forgets. There are always effects.

  • Depression. (121 million people, worldwide, are suffering from depression. 2/3 will never seek help.)
  • Suicide. (In the last 45 years, suicide rates have increased 60%)
  • Self-harm. (This includes but is not limited to eating disorders, cutting, flogging one's self, burning, bruising, breaking bones, infecting one's self, inserting objects into the skin, pulling out hair, picking at wounds or preventing healing... It is just as addictive as drugs.)
  • Low self-esteem. (Imagine always thinking you're stupid, you're worthless, you're untalented, you're just a waste of space every single minute.)
  • Bad body image. (Imagine thinking you're fat when you're so underweight your life is at risk or being ashamed of your looks.)
  • Drugs. (Illegal, but can also cause death through more than overdoses. You could lose everything because drugs would be all you would care about.)
  • Alcohol. (A depressant, even though it's typically used to celebrate or forget why you're upset to begin with. Very easy to drink too much and wind up in the hospital, ill, or dead. Also very easy to destroy your liver.)
  • Tobacco. (Cancer.)
  • Loneliness. (Imagine being locked in a room all by yourself, with no form of communication with anyone, for days, while everyone else is moving through life without you. That is true loneliness.)
  • Increased susceptibility to illness. (Could be anything from stress related pain, such as stomachaches that can put you into the hospital, down to actually becoming ill.)
  • PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is something war survivors and rape victims often have. It includes but is not limited to difficulty falling or staying asleep, flashbacks or nightmares, anger, and hyper-vigilance.)
  • Anxiety. (Imagine constantly being worried or fearful, having a constant feeling of dread. Imagine it getting so bad that you have an anxiety attack and you can't breath because you're crying and hyperventilating.)
  • Violence and/or aggression towards others. (Columbine.)
     Bullying can't be taken back or be undone. The embarrassing story or picture that's been sent around or put online can't be erased. The insults can't be taken away and easily forgotten. Being physically hurt, sure the bones and bruises can heal, but that leaves behind emotional and mental scars, along with any physical ones. Suicide can never be undone- once they're dead, they aren't just going to wake up. Addictions and mental illness can last a life time.

     I'll see you all tomorrow, with a new post, but I only have one last thing to say for today.

     Instead of thinking about yourself in all of those scenarios, thinking about the person you love most. Your children, your mother, your father, you aunt, your uncle, your grandparents, your cousins, your best friend, your nieces, your nephews... Think about them in the situation of being bullied, harassed, hurt, tormented, and the feelings it would cause them to have.












**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: The Beginning/Final Reminder

     You've probably guessed it by the title, but Anti Bullying Week is finally here! This is the final reminder that I'll be posting about it this year, so you better go write up a post! Let me set some things straight and give ya'll some details first, and hopefully you guys will join in.

     When I wrote a post inviting you guys to do it a couple of months ago, I was corrected about the date. Everything I found was November 19-23 was Anti Bullying Week, but I received an email from a lady telling me that October is Anti Bullying Month and October 10 is Unity Day. So next year, my post will actually be on Unity Day, but it was too late to change the dates since I had already posted and it would mean all of the posts would be last minute. That mean this year, it's a little late, but it's the meaning that really counts, right?

     As I mentioned before, if you email the link to your post to me, I will put it on a new page on my blog and a post on Saturday night as my way to thank you. You will have full credit with your name, your blog, the specific post list, and anything else you wish to have. You can email me at pertinax_puella@hotmail.com. If you don't email me, I may not know about your post, so please please please, remember to email me the link so I can thank you. I would love for you to invite your followers to join in and I post their links and stuff too, if they email me so that I'll know.

     I'm not going to go into details about what I'll be posting about this week, but the exact topic changes from day to day. Thursday and Friday will have a two part post that share the topic, but otherwise, it'll be different so you won't just be reading the same thing in different words every day.

     This is taking place during NaBloPoMo and that means I'll kind of be taking a break from it, but not really. It's "cheating" to post a prewritten or already scheduled post, but in all fairness, I haven't been able to write all of the posts. If I have started them, I wasn't able to finish them, so I'll be doing that and continuing the editing process all week. I would rather fail the challenge anyways, than not speak about this.

     I guess that's all I really have to say at the moment but I really hope you guys will just write one little post. I honestly just want somebody to speak out about it and maybe help one person. That's what I want to accomplish with this. So you should help me.



**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 17 of NaBloPoMo

     I'm not shy about admitting that I have an obsession with Disney (actually, I am wearing Eeyore pajamas right this moment). I don't really have an obsession with anything else, but I do have sort of fascinations with different things. So here is the post for day 17 of the NaBloPoMo challenge (also the last post that I haven't previously planned until the 25th of this month).


The Holocaust - I've always had a weird interest in this, ever since I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was little (I'm looking for a new copy that won't take my entire paycheck). In 6th grade, we had to do a project on it (we got a 100%) and now I read every book I can about it, historical fiction or non-fiction. Currently, I have The Devil's ArithmeticNumber the Stars, and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (well, that's the movie version, not the book). I really need to work on my collection. My mom used to have a book from one of the concentration camps, Dachau, that she visited when she was ten that I used to read all of the time but our old neighbor stole it. I really want to go to Anne Frank's house or one of the camps. Anyone want to buy me tickets?


Lizzie Borden - I don't know why it interests me so much. Everyone knows that Lizzie killed her parents in the now bed and breakfast that used to be their home, but nobody can figure out why. There are a ton of theories and I really just want to know why it happened. I'm pretty sure that at least one of the theories are right, but I want to know more.


The Winchester House - I don't know where I heard the story of the house first, but I remember reading about it in 6th grade and it was more like jogging a memory but I can't remember where from. I'm not sure since nobody has ever shown me proof, but it seems like Stephen King based his movie Rose Red off of the story, since the house in the movie has a story that is incredibly similar. Maybe that's one of the reasons that's one of my favorite movies?


The Lochness Monster - I'm not one of those people who is into conspiracy theories or thinks every single creature ever made up actually exists. I don't even know if Nessie exists, but I think it's interesting that nobody can find anything about it, yet there are stories all over the world about similar things. I would also like somebody to answer this question: If the "monster hunter" people ever find what/who they're looking for, what the fuck are they going to do? Have a tea party?


Jack The Ripper - This is another one of those where I really just want to know what happened and why. It's so famous and if it had been present day, they would have been able to find the killer with all of the DNA. But who was it? Why did they stop if they were getting away with it? Why did they even start? Nobody really knows and that bugs me.


     I'm going to stop my list (which is very incomplete) now since I actually have a hard time naming things off the top of my head. There are a more but I'll just write about that later. What do you guys have weird fascinations with? Momma loves Salem and World War II. I know we're not the only ones, but the list isn't limited to darker things. I'm just only able to think of darker things right now. Unless you count Disney.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Bacon And Bacon Related Things

     Okay, I wasn't going to post about this because I just didn't really want to, but I'm going to anyways because I don't have anything else to say. (Well, Wolfy suggested that I post about my favorite Disney movies but there are so many I loved when I was little that I haven't seen in years so I don't know if my opinion would have changed so I'm going to save that post until I complete my collection of Disney movies and can watch them all. Hey, if you want to send me Disney movies, just ask which ones I don't have yet and I'll be happy to tell you.) So, Momma, here is your post.

     Bacon. Momma's favorite thing ever.

     I got a debit card a few weeks ago and Momma has sense learned that she can order bacon related products online. That was really my fault. I realized that she never buys anything for herself (other than actual food- mainly bacon) so I decided to look on Amazon for bacon related clothing since she once wanted to jet a bacon jacket from Hot Topic but didn't have the money on her. We've been getting bacon things in the mail for the past week:

They only had men's pants so she got the smallest one and it shrunk in the dryer so now they fit.
Must have been boy's clothing, not men's...

I can't believe she actually got this.
It's a patch to iron onto your biker jacket or something.

She hasn't had a chance to use these yet.

It's a Christmas ornament but since we don't have a tree up, it's hanging from a kitchen cabinet handle.

Admittedly, I was curious how you could come up with 101 things to do with bacon.

That pretty much disgusted me.

Then we opened it up.

Well played, person she bought this from, well played.
     She is still waiting for a bacon car air freshener to come in the mail. It has until November 19th (today is now November 16th) to get here on time.

     I don't really have that much to say about bacon. Bacon is good. You can do many things with bacon. Bacon comes from pigs, unless it comes from turkey. Everyone loves bacon except for vegans, vegetarians, and PETA. Momma may be the cause of the bacon shortage, except that was in Europe, and we're in America so I'm not sure how that would be possible but she really does like bacon a lot.

P.S. Just thought I would clarify, Momma is not using my money to buy her bacon things. She's been giving me the money for it and has just been using my card to order it. She better quit though or I won't have anything to get her for Christmas.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Elephants Are Awesome

     In yesterday's post (which I really wouldn't read, if I were you, but I'm linking to it anyway), I mentioned that I'm really struggling with posts and that you guys should suggest things for me. Izzy Mason suggested that I write about elephants. To be more specific, this was what Izzy actually said:

"Hm... Hows abouts elephants? Big cute fluffy elephants. I haven't seen enough blog posts on them recently.. Such a shame."

     You know what? I haven't seen any blog posts about elephants, ever! That's actually pretty disappointing. Why don't more people write about elephants? I wrote an open letter to people who imitate elephants while blowing their noses a couple of days ago, but that's no where near the same!

     So! I'm going to tell you guys about my mom used to work in one of the biggest zoos in America, though I'm still not going to say which one. I have many stories I can tell about the zoo, now that I'm thinking about it, but they're mostly related to Mom so maybe I can convince her to write a guest post one day...

     While she was working at the zoo, they had many animal births. One of the births was of a baby girl elephant. I don't know how famous she was elsewhere, but she was incredibly famous in our city and she was all anyone wanted to talk about. Of course, she was probably the cutest elephant to ever be born, so that was completely understandable.

     Another cute elephant is little baby Dumbo. You know who Dumbo is, right? The famous elephant with the giant ears, created by Disney. Who can look at Dumbo and not want to hug him and tell him that he's adorable and then take him to his mommy?

     The dancing pink elephants, not so cute. They used to scare the fucking shit out of me when I was a little kid. The clowns were also pretty terrifying but the pink elephants made me not want to watch the movie, since I was too little to understand that the mouse was drunk and hallucinating. Totally kid friendly.

     I really don't know much about elephants so I'm struggling with what to say here. I know that they're not actually scared of mice, but rather, scared of anything that they may step on. I know that I rode one with one of my aunts when I was like three but I don't remember it. I know that they're mostly gentle animals. I know that Scar's hyenas lived in the Elephant Graveyard, outside of the Pridelands, before Scar was a total asshole, killed his brother, blamed his nephew, and took over.

     The only other thing I really know is that elephants are hunted and struggling for survival by a bunch of people who want their tusks to sell. Stop it. If you keep killing them, there won't be any left. Go find a new job. You'll have to anyways if you drive them into extinction.

     In conclusion: Elephants are awesome. I like elephants. If I had a bag of peanuts, I would give it to the elephants, but I don't have a bag of peanuts because I ate them all. Sorry.