26) When asked how you're enjoying your food, if your answer is, "We're fine. Thanks." the server will know that it is time to leave you alone. That is pretty much the dismissal phrase, which I learned because of the tone of voice it is typically said in.
27) The server will tell you their name for a reason. Fucking learn their name because reaching out to grab them to get their attention is not okay, nor is yelling, "Waitress!" across half the restaurant.
28) Servers are judgmental bitches.
29) If you say you're not a judgmental bitch and you are a server, you're lying.
30) An alarming amount of young children know what diet drinks are and eat like they've been obese for years.
31) Just because you say, "Can you get my server? Its the tall guy." does not mean that the person you are asking will have any idea who you are talking about.
32) It is not helpful when you say "My table was over there" and point to an entirely different room.
33) It's worse when you make the server laugh and joke with them for an hour, then leave them a shitty tip, than when you're a complete bitch to them and leave them a shitty tip, because you got their hopes up.
34) If you tip less than 20%, you will annoy the server.
35) If you tip less than 15%, you will make the server mildly angry.
36) If you tip less than 10%, you will be remembered and not in a good way.
37) If you tip more than 20%, you will make your server extremely happy.
38) People actually do random acts of kindness and pay for a stranger's meal.
39) It was so sweet that I almost started crying when it happened to my table, because they almost started crying.
40) If you have more than four people going out to eat, call to make sure there is a table.
41) If you have more than six people going out to eat and you don't call, everyone will be pissed off that they have to drop everything to set up your table when their other customers are waiting and your table could have been set up prior.
42) Even if you entertain a customer for two hours and laugh the entire time, sell them wine, appetizers, some of the expensive dinner dishes, keep their drinks full, and push the guy in a wheelchair to a bathroom... they might still leave you a 36 cent tip.
43) If you tell a fellow server about that, she will probably say, "You should have chased him down! I would have. There would have been some words, if you know what I mean."
44) You will know what she means and you will agree.
45) Multicolored pens help you stay organized.
46) You will be made fun of for being so organized.
47) A coworker and I have a theory that the multicolored pens will get you better tips.
48) If you stack your dishes for the server to take before you leave, you will make things a million times easier on them.
49) Sometimes the server will slip up with their routine because its been a long day, they are tired, or they are extremely busy. Don't take it out on them. Just laugh it off and make things easier on them.
Example that I did the other day, because I was distracted working on a party:
"Hi guys. My name is Rachel and I'll be taking care of you. How are ya'll doing?"
"We're good. How are you?"
"I'm doing good. Can I get ya'll something to drink?....-notices the silence-....-looks at table-......Or you already have drinks. Okay. Oops."
50) Paying in credit cards is a lot easier, but cash tips are way better.