Another post from Mercedes' Choice after she rescued my chance to do the Challenge this year, by providing me with new topics after I accidentally deleted all of the ones I had.
It was suggested I put a warning here. This topic is about eating disorders, weight loss, weight gain, and the like. Please do not read ahead if it could trigger anything with you.
Eating is a good thing and you should do it. It's basically that simple, but I know there are plenty of people out there who struggle with it.
I have never had an eating disorder, but my weight has been all over the place since I was a pre-teen. The first time, I was about 9-12 and I was so stressed out, that eating food did not help me gain weight. I ate food, but my weight dropped, but nobody knew why. Once we moved and were out of reach (except by phone) from my dad and his family, we figured out what was wrong.
The fear and stress of what his family does, made it impossible to gain weight. Some people get stressed and gain, I got stressed and lost. For my height, I should have been about 95-100 pounds. Not long before we moved, I weighed in at 77. My mom freaked out and accused me of having an eating disorder. She began monitoring my food intake and would buy sodas and cookies and chips, since regular food wasn't doing the trick, but it didn't work.
Then we moved right before my 12th birthday. I had a friend, who isn't my friend anymore but was the best friend I could have asked for at that time, help me calm down. She helped me realize that there wasn't any danger anymore. And I started to gain weight. By the end of the school year, I could wear a size 4 (which was about where I needed to be since that was the second to last time that I also got taller) without it falling off my hips.
The problem was, once my body started gaining weight, it didn't want to stop. I ended up at 135 when I was 14, which was not where I needed to be yet. I should have been 110 or so. I ended up in a size 6 when I was 15 and it stayed steady for a while. I was chubby for my height, but I was hitting my final growth spurt, so the chubbiness went where it was supposed to... for a while. I wasn't exactly happy, seeing all the 110 pound girls my age when I weighed more, but I was okay. Until I started gaining again, despite no real change in anything.
I ended up about 145-150 and almost a size 9 before I decided that was enough. I had officially reached the "overweight" range instead of just "oh its just a little chubbiness". I changed what I could, but I also got a babysitting job. That alone made me start running around to keep up with three kids, so the weight started coming back off. Then I went a few months without a job and it came back. Then I started working in a restaurant.
I only worked a few days a week, but I noticed a change anyways, especially once my hours increased. From October until the next May, I went from a loose size 9 down to a loose size 7. I ended up back at a size 6, but that's where I need to be with my height and body type now. I was perfectly happy with it.
Back in the last week of February, I found out I was 110. I knew I lost weight again (stress and loss of appetite this time around) but I hadn't realized it was so much. I lost 25 pounds and ended up 10 pounds under the absolute minimum weight I can be and be healthy. I've started gaining some weight back since then. I'm not sure of the actual number at the moment, but my jeans are still loose, but they're not falling off my hips anymore.
My point of this post, is I understand weight struggles and though I've never had an eating disorder, I understand the need to do anything to make yourself feel better, but not having a healthy diet isn't a good choice.
I don't even believe in diets, actually, unless your medical doctor puts you on one for medical reasons. I believe in balanced eating. Like the food pyramid that we were taught in elementary school. Vegetables, fruits, grains, and meats for every non-vegetarian and non-vegan out there. A full meal of food, three times a day, maybe with some dessert or a snack if you get hungry again. However, I also believe that you should be physically active. That should naturally counter a balanced diet, so that you stay at a healthy weight and have a healthy life.
If you don't eat, if you force yourself to throw up, or if you eat insane amounts of food to where you get sick- you are giving your life to the eating disorder and whatever caused it. You are giving up everything you have, because if you don't get it under control, you will die. And then, even if you don't care if you hurt yourself, you cannot imagine how much you will hurt the people who love you. Do you really want them all to think "I wish I could have saved him/her." or "I didn't realize they were so sick. I should have paid more attention and done something."
Let me put it this way:
If you don't fight to be healthy, then who or what caused the eating disorder will win and they will have successfully made sure that you can't come back stronger than ever. You're strong enough to have survived this far and you are the only one who can save yourself now. Don't you dare let something like food ruin everything for you.
P.S. Here is the phone number to NEDA
1-800-931-221-800-931-2237 or you can go to nationaleatingdisorders.org and find a local support group.
The suicide hotline number in the US is
The suicide hotline number in the UK is
+44 (0) 8457 90 90 90+44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (local rate) or
+44 (0) 8457 90 91 92+44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (minicom)
If you have any other numbers, treatment centers, or websites from your part of the world, please comment them below and say where it works for. You could save a life.