I'm not sure if I've ever told y'all about breaking into my neighbor's house once. It was a few years ago. She was going to come over and hang out with my mom and I. Well, she had to go somewhere. My mom realized that she had not locked her doors.
"You should go to her house and get her Maddog so we're ready. We'll have it waiting for her." Momma said.
"You want me to break and enter?" I asked.
My mom shrugged. "Don't be a wimp. It's a joke."
That's how I ended up being peer-pressured by my mother into breaking into my neighbor's house and technically stealing her alcohol. The neighbor thought it was hilarious.
Today, I went grocery shopping at Wolfy's store and he was going to just drive us home once he clocked out. I got the keys from him and went to put everything in the trunk while waiting on him to be off.
I got everything into the trunk and put the cart away. Then I went back to the shiny new black car. The shiny brand new 2015 car he worked his ass off to get.
I opened the passenger's side and the seat was surprised by how much stuff was in it. I started moving the mail and the newspaper and the food container.
"Since when do we have this food container?" I wondered.
I tossed everything into the backseat.
"Since when did he use a case for his sunglasses?" I wondered.
Something seemed weird to me and I saw an ID in the consol. I picked it up and saw the smiling face of a guy I had never seen. I put the ID back and closed the door. I walked to the other black car, one space over and opposite of the car.
I tried the trunk. It opened and all of our stuff was inside.
"Oh my God."
If you know anything about me, know that I have not said that phrase in years. I never use that phrase because even though I curse, some things just seem inappropriate and wrong. I think it was the shock.
"I just broke into a car." I said. "I just broke into a car and it wasn't even my mom's fault."
I have learned two things:
1) That guy needs to lock his fucking doors.
2) I should always have a paper and pen ready so I can apologize if I accidentally break into a car and also tell them to lock their fucking doors.