Let me tell you the story of Psycho Thursday.
At 4:27 pm (I checked, because one girl had a theory it was because it was after 4:20) I clocked back in from my break.
The store was in the middle of the first rush it had had all day, but the girl that I was working with was handling it fine. As I clocked in, she came up to me and said, "Do you see that guy?" I looked around. The only guy in the store was sitting on a bench across from the registers.
I said, "Yes. Is he with someone?" We only sell women's and girl's shoes. Considering he was pretty tall, I didn't think he would be looking for shoes for himself, because we don't carry sizes that go up that high.
She said, "No. He came in just before the rush started. He asked me my name and if I live around here. I said no and told him I live in the opposite direction I live in. He asked what kind of hobbies I have, so I said hiking. He said we should go sometime."
At this point, the only lady who was actually interested in buying anything, was ready to pay. I trained this girl myself and she's been working for us since November, so I knew that she could handle the transaction. But I didn't want to leave her alone considering the fact that it sort of summed up to, "Hi. I am a serial killer. It's lovely to meet you. I would like to take you out to the middle of nowhere so that I can rape, torture, and kill you and then dispose of your remains without being caught. Would you like to come with me?"
Finally, this guy approaches us both, and just says, "I guess I'm just gonna go now." To which my coworker replied, "Okay, bye!"
We were both pretty confused and wondering what the heck was happening, when the store died down. I pointed out that she should have said that she was underage, considering the fact that she was only seventeen (her birthday was the Monday following this).
Then a couple came into the store, so I approached them. I started with, "Hi! Welcome to -withheld name of workplace-! How are you doing today?"
The guy, who was much taller than the last guy, turned around and looked me up and down. He said, and I quote, "Eyyyy mama".
I wanted to reply with, "Excuse me, but there is no way that I am your mama considering the fact that you have never been, nor will ever be anywhere near my vagina." but I was working so I just started to walk away and said the sale as I was walking.
Then the woman said, "I need a size!"
I asked what shoe she wanted and in what size. She pointed it out and said, "I need a size eight in this boot. I want to buy the white one but let me try the black one so I don't dirty it up trying it on." I went and got her the white boot in size eight because we were out of the black ones.
As I handed it to her, I noticed the guy making a b-line right for my coworker, who was still at the register.
My first thought was, "Oh hell no. You are not going to fuck with one of my girls. She is underage and my responsibility when she's working and you are just creepy." I didn't say that though, because I thought that might ruin my chance of getting a sale.
The guy said, "Eyyy mama, I saw you dancing earlier so I thought you might like this." And he hands her a copy of his motherfucking mixed tape. I almost died laughing right there. I literally had to put my hand over my mouth and pretend to be coughing because this guy was so serious, I think he might have pulled a gun on me for laughing in his face.
"So, what are you doing for the Superbowl?" He asked us.
I looked at my coworker. "When is the Superbowl?" We asked. Meanwhile, the woman opened the box of shoes, looked at it, and walked away. I am 100% convinced they were trying to separate us to make it easier to target us.
"This weekend. You know, I'm having a party and I need some bad bitches to come on through. You in?" He asked.
"You need some what?" I managed to choke out, through my laughter. Meanwhile, my coworker said, "Oh, uh, I have a party. Sorry."
He didn't look convinced. "I think you two are just the girls I need. I'm gonna have all them bottles out, Lil' Wayne is gonna be coming through-"
"Oh, I'm sure." I commented, trying not to lose my absolute shit in laughter.
He ignored me. "All I need is some bad bitches. I'll tell you what, I'll make you my VIP bad bitches."
"We're good." My coworker, who shall from here on out be known as Bad Bitch (or BB for short), told him.
"Alright, well if you change your mind, look me up."
When he left, I laughed so hard that I was crying and had to take my glasses off. They didn't even fully make it out of the door before we burst into the biggest hysterical laughing fit that I can remember having in years.
We thought it was over, but oh no, it wasn't over yet. We went to the front of the store and looked out. The mall itself was dead. Thankfully, Hiking Guy and Mixed Tape Guy were nowhere to be seen. However, The Umbrella Man was in full sight.
Umbrella Man is a tall guy who walks around the mall in dirty pants, a baggy hoodie with the hood up, carrying an umbrella, and talking to himself with his head down. I had never seen him up until that point (but I have seen him at least once a day since then).
"Holy shit. He looks like a serial killer." I whispered.
BB looked out, both of us leaning out of the doorway. "Today is psycho Thursday. What is going on?" She whispered.
As we tried to figure out if the moon was full or somebody managed to drug the entire city, these two kids (well, like 14 or 15) started walking by. They were walking together until they got in front of our store, then they started to separate. One guy walked away from us while the other guy walked towards us. They were acting like they were going to take a picture. The guy near us raised his phone.
And then I saw it was on selfie mode and I was in the picture.
I ducked behind the wall and my coworker jumped into the picture and posed.
As the kids walked away, Umbrella Man came back walking in the other direction.