Thursday, June 18, 2015

Oh. No.

     Big news coming soon, but here's the story of the time I thought I was about to die (about five minutes ago):

     My boyfriend said, "If I go to McDonald's, will you go get drinks from the gas station next door?"

     I said, "Yes. Don't forget my sweet and sour sauce."

     When I walked into the store, I saw the lady behind the counter. She has "crack head teeth". Rotting, crooked, falling out of the mouth teeth that would make a dentist very rich. People who do crack for long periods of time have teeth like that.

     Then I saw the guy leaning on the counter. He just gave me bad vibes. He was in a wife-beater, jeans, and I didn't even see his shoes. Because when my eyes got to his waistband, I saw a mother fucking pistol.

     My first thought was, "I can't die yet. I have nuggets waiting for me at home."

     Then he turned around to look at me so I walked in and pretended I didn't see a damn thing. The manager walked out and they started counting the register.

     "My nuggets! I can't get shot yet! Fuck, who's going to cover my shift tomorrow?" I wondered.

     Then the gun guy left.

     I felt relieved. I realized that he was the boyfriend of the lady with the crack-head teeth, which made me feel highly less relieved.

     I thought I was going to die again when I saw him sitting outside glaring at the rush of people who followed me into the store.

8 comments:

  1. Makes you wonder what exactly the approval process is when applying for a carrying permit. Sigh...

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    1. I would like to know but I'm not sure I would ever feel safe going outside again.

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  2. Holy cow, that would scare the stew outta me, too. I'd feel like calling 911 on general principals. Sounds like he might have been casing the place. In which case, the more people - the better! Keep 'em coming! I'm just glad this isn't the outcome you feared. We like you. :-)

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    1. Haha I mean, I was worried about a robbery, but I was also worried about my nuggets going to waste and who would work my shift at work if I couldn't. It freaked me out pretty hard but luckily, nothing bad actually happened (to my knowledge).

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  3. You know, regardless of how you feel about gun control laws, I can't help but feel that this is the exact kind of person that DOESN'T need to just be walking around with a gun. Could just be me, though.

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    1. I think I'm gonna have to agree with you, you crazy bastard. I think you might be better off than him and you have a friend to hide the body and a couple carnivorous plants to eat them.

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