Friday, June 26, 2015

Equality

     In case you haven't heard...

     Gay marriage is now legal in the United States.

     I'm so proud.

     I'm gonna go buy something rainbow and wear it to work today so I can tell everyone who comments on it.

     While we celebrate, let's not forget that this was a huge milestone, but we still have many more to go before everyone is treated the same. Let's keep fighting for equal rights for all.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Oh. No.

     Big news coming soon, but here's the story of the time I thought I was about to die (about five minutes ago):

     My boyfriend said, "If I go to McDonald's, will you go get drinks from the gas station next door?"

     I said, "Yes. Don't forget my sweet and sour sauce."

     When I walked into the store, I saw the lady behind the counter. She has "crack head teeth". Rotting, crooked, falling out of the mouth teeth that would make a dentist very rich. People who do crack for long periods of time have teeth like that.

     Then I saw the guy leaning on the counter. He just gave me bad vibes. He was in a wife-beater, jeans, and I didn't even see his shoes. Because when my eyes got to his waistband, I saw a mother fucking pistol.

     My first thought was, "I can't die yet. I have nuggets waiting for me at home."

     Then he turned around to look at me so I walked in and pretended I didn't see a damn thing. The manager walked out and they started counting the register.

     "My nuggets! I can't get shot yet! Fuck, who's going to cover my shift tomorrow?" I wondered.

     Then the gun guy left.

     I felt relieved. I realized that he was the boyfriend of the lady with the crack-head teeth, which made me feel highly less relieved.

     I thought I was going to die again when I saw him sitting outside glaring at the rush of people who followed me into the store.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Coke Clarification




     Real posts will be coming soon, but for now, please enjoy a normal conversation between my mother and I.