Monday, June 13, 2016

Telemarketers

     Don't get me wrong, I don't hate telemarketers for doing their jobs. It doesn't bother me at all. Considering how much I hate making phone calls, especially to people that I don't know, I almost admire them. Like, props to them for doing an honest job so that they can earn money. Better than being a drug dealer or a black market gun smuggler.

     However, please don't be the person that makes something super weird. Don't say something that's going to leave the person on the other end of the phone wondering how the fuck they're supposed to respond.

Me: Hi! Thank you for calling (name of my store). This is Rachel. How can I help you?
Man: Hi Sweetie! My name is (whatever the fuck he said). I'm a salesman from a window installation company. Is your mom or dad home?

     I didn't even know where to begin. I didn't know if I should tell him that he had called a business that does not have any outside windows and that should he want to discuss windows, he should call the mall leasing office which handles all the windows in the building. Not the store, which actually has no real say over any sort of construction, because my goodness the lease is strict.

     I didn't know if I should tell him that I'm 22, nearly 23, but thank you for saying I still sound young enough to live with my parents. Or maybe it was an insult by saying I sound immature. I'm not sure. Should I have questioned him? I don't know. I couldn't decide.

     What if I had made some crack about putting my fucking juice box down so I could go to the airport, get on a plane, fly 1600 miles all the way back to my mom's house, go knock on the door, hand her the phone, and say, "Mommy, there's a man on the phone for you."?

     I was so dumbfounded that I didn't even say anything for a full minute. When I finally did, all I could squeak out was, "Umm.... I'm the manager of a business. I think you have the wrong number. Can I help you with anything?" to which he got flustered and quickly said goodbye.

8 comments:

  1. If it was like most of these calls, he would have then told you there was a problem with your computer. When a friend of mine got this call and told them there WAS no problem with the computer, he threatened to "send an officer." Another of her friends pretended they thought they were selling windows or blinds or some such and confused them into hanging up. I'm guessing yours was told by his computer that does the calls that "a child has answered" and he never heard your first greeting. Prolly hung up saying, "Damn machine!"

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    1. Hopefully! If not, I guess it's better than sounding like a grumpy old person!

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  2. From an old post of mine:

    Do you ever get tired of telemarketers calling & yet you’re too polite to just hang up? Me, too. I think I got even some time ago when I was very busy & someone called me with an offer for pre-need funerals. “I told him, “I’m so sorry—I wish you had called last week. I died yesterday!”

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  3. The next to last paragraph made me laugh so hard. Then I read fishducky's comment and snorted. It's a good thing I don't have a drink. As you know, I'm at home most of the time and usually don't answer the phone unless it's a call from someone I know. However, if I expect a call from someone who provides a service I've requested, then I answer the phone if it's the right area code. Last week I received a call from a very loud woman who said, Is this B$$$$$ H#######? No, I said. Oh, that's okay, she plowed on. I want to talk to you about your windows. I know you need our replacement windows and you think you can't afford them, but Mrs. H(((((((, put away your checkbook because . . . I finally managed to break in to say that I'm not Mrs. anybody, and I'm not buying windows and don't call me again. I also received a call recently from someone who had the wrong name and when I told him so, he said, Well, that's okay. I'm going to assume you're older than 58 and need to talk about a burial plan. NO! I am not older than 58 and have no interest in talking about a burial plan. I've already told my kids to throw my body in the trash. I hope they wait till I'm dead, but if you don't hear from me, you'll know I'm trying to climb out of the dumpster.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. How rude of them! "I'm going to assume you're above this age." Bitch, fuck off with that shit. I'm gonna assume your parents never taught you manners. One of us will be right. Those jerks.

      Love,
      Rachel

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  4. Ok the bit about getting on a plane and flying to your parents to give them the phone cracked me up, also it makes me wonder if people listen when a phone is answered if they did wouldn't they have realised they rang a business not a home and would a child be answering the phone at a business.

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    1. The first comment pointed out that sometimes they have machines that say if a child answers and that it's possible they didn't hear my initial greeting. I do wonder, then, how did they know somebody answered the phone?

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