Monday, February 1, 2016

Retail Stories

     I've mentioned many times before that I work in retail but I'm not sure I've ever really told any retail stories. I don't know if I have any long enough for a full post so I'll tell you two of the shorter stories today and if ya'll like this, then I can do some more stories later on.


     The first story happened just a few days ago. After the holiday season, the malls become completely empty. Nobody shops. The only people you'll see are kids killing time and avoiding homework, people who work somewhere in the mall, or people who have to do returns for something.

     I was working with one of my employees. A couple (I think; they were holding hands) entered the store and I loudly called out, "Hello! Welcome to (name of my store)!" As my coworker started to approach them, they turned around and walked right back out. She had only gotten to take about two steps. Quietly, I said, "Okay then. Bye." The guy of the two turned around and gave me the perkiest wave. "Bye! Have a nice day!"

     The music was blaring, I said it under my breath, and they were literally on the other side of the store. My conclusion is that he must have supersonic hearing or something, in which case, shame on you sir for not being a superhero.


     The second story happened a few months ago. It was closing time but it was the holiday season, so our store hours were extended by opening an hour earlier and closing an hour later. On that particular day, it was a week day and I was closing by myself, at 10 pm. I had had a last minute rush right at 9:50 so it took me a lot longer to close than normal. (I can usually be done within 10 minutes.) I clocked out around 10:20-10:30, when the mall should have been empty except for staff. Lights off, music off, literally trying to leave the store and go home.

     The gate of our store is controlled by a key. If you turn the key up, the gate goes up. If you turn the key down, the gate goes down. I like it a lot more than the manual one we used to have which involves a lot of jumping to reach the gate. Anyways, I was off by the wall where the key hole was and I was opening the gate about 1/3 of the way so I could duck under and leave.

     I looked up and saw a group of roughly 6 teenagers.

     Don't do it. I don't know what you're about to do but don't do it.

     They walked past one window and as the gate went up, one of them did a fucking tuck and roll right under the gate and into the store. His friends started laughing.

     "Our store and the mall are both closed. Either you leave now or I'm calling security." I have never seen a teenager run so fast in my entire life. He should be in track, for sure.


     Actually, I've just realized that I met a guy with super hearing and a guy with super speed.

     Guys, ya'll need to get yo shit together and start being superheros.