Friday, November 17, 2017

#BeThankful Moving

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I am thankful that I moved four years ago. 

Four years ago today, I moved 1600 Miles away from everyone I knew to be with my boyfriend. And I wasn’t the least bit scared because I knew it was the right choice.

I left my mom, my dogs, my cat, my job, my friends. I left the place I had called home for ten years (which is a long time when you moved as much as I did as a kid).

But I’m still with my boyfriend. I have hamsters. I’ve had three different job, two of which I generally enjoy(ed). I’ve made a lot of new friends that I can see being around for the rest of my life. I’ve lived here for four years already, which is mind boggling to me because it feels like I just moved.

If I hadnt moved, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. It taught me how to be on my own as an adult (even though boyfriend and I rely on each other). I know hot to pay bills and get shit done- I learned this week how to handle a doctor appointment and a pharmacy appointment because I’ve never done that alone until now.

Moving turned my world upside down in the best possible way.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

#BeThankful No More Stabby Stabby

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Last week, I mentioned I had a doctors appointment. Which if you know me at all, you’ll know I only go to the doctor if I absolutely can’t fix it on my own and might actually die if I don’t go. However, I didn’t say why I was going (because I didn’t want anyone to worry).

Now that it’s over and I’m most definitely not dying...

I had an IUD. (Birth control device that chills up in your girly organs).

Said IUD came loose and starting stabbing things it ought not be stabbing.

Was not a fun time.

This morning, I had it removed. (Which hurt more than the stabby so you can imagine how fun that was).

I cannot express the relief that the stabby is gone. That I don’t have to worry about it doing serious damage or causing heavy internal bleeding. That it won’t be fucking with my periods anymore or causing me pain. That it’s gone.

No more stabby stabby!

I understand this isn’t a post most of you can relate to and that’s okay. Because the stabby is gone and that’s kind of all I care about at this moment in time.

If you need me, I’ll be eating everything in sight to celebrate.

(Obviously talk to your doctor before making the choice that’s right for YOU. This is my personal account and experience. But I am not everyone.)

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

#BeThankful Disagreements

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I’m thankful for disagreements. 

I don’t mean those disagreements that lead to fights or the people who will belittle you if you don’t think they’re 100% right all of the time.

I mean those differences between people. I believe in this because of xyz but you believe in that because of abc. 

Obviously, assholes are excluded. No racists, sexists, homophobes, etc. Y’all gotta want equal rights still or you’re just a cunt. That’s just fact. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But if we can discuss religion even though we believe different things, that’s fantastic.

If we can talk about politics even though we vote differently (or don’t vote at all), that’s amazing.

I love deep conversations that can make me think and make me see another point of view. It’s our differences and disagreements that make us all unique.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

#BeThankful Happy Kids and Good Parents

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


I’m totally stealing Emelle’s idea again. Go check her out. She’s great.

Today, I’m thankful for all the little kids on the busses I take. 

Which sounds weird.

I’m thankful for all the little babies that stare at me, which allows me to make a face or play peekaboo (often with their parents unaware) so I can make them laugh.

I’m thankful for the tiny babies I wave at and dance at, who reach out to wave back, often to tiny I’m amazed they are able to.

I’m thankful for those kids on that one bus ride who asked me to play Pokémon with them, then the 4 year old and 7 year old girl kept forcing their 11 year old brother to let me win because “she’s new at this, you have to be nice to her”. 

I’m thankful for all these innocent small humans who can just bring joy to the lives of others by just being themselves. By being so innocent and happy that it’s just contagious.

Sometimes you just need one of those kids to unknowingly cheer you up because they can turn your whole day around without even trying.

Also, shout out to their parents. The ones who catch you making silly faces or dancing around and who smile at you or thank you for making their kid laugh. Props to them for sharing their thanks instead of thinking you’re crazy or weird. 

As somebody who had done retail and customer service my entire adult life, I will be the first one to go out of my way to make a well behaved kid laugh and thank their parents for raising them so well. Because Lord knows we need more of that.

Monday, November 13, 2017

#BeThankful Home

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I am thankful to have a roof over my head.

Since I’ve been gone so long, I don’t believe I’ve told you how absolutely shitty my landlords are. 

In short, in the last six months:

-They lost our renewal lease from last October so they tried to charge us a $100 month to month fee, then argued with us that we never signed the lease until I told them when we did and who took the paper. They said they would take off the fee.

-They tried to charge us a $80 late fee for not paying aforementioned $100 fee. They did not like it when I started yelling legal terms at them and said they would remove that fee.

-They did not come fix our sink for almost 2 weeks of it being clogged, despite me calling daily. It took the pipe bursting, me threatening to sue them for all the products I had to throw out, and me threatening to call the health department on them. Also, a lot of profanity by the end of the second week.

-They are forcing us to get renters insurance through them, even though we’ve had it through Boyfriend’s car insurance company for almost five years because that gives us a huge deal. So now we have to pay double insurance because that’s still cheaper than just going through them.

-They disappear for hours at a time during rent week and don’t have a drop box. Also, they don’t answer their phones when they are there. Considering how much money they want to take from us, you’d think they would want to be there to actually accept it.

-Also, they’re dicks. Maybe just to me. But I wouldn’t have to threaten legal action if they did their jobs.

-Oh and they moved in some drug dealers to our building. They’re loud. I’m not getting much sleep.


So... it’s safe to say we don’t like them very much. (At all.)

But when I go home, I know I’m safe. I have running water, a bed, A/C and heat. I can charge my phone (which I work on, watch tv on, and is my lifeline to my family). Boyfriend can play his video games and watch YouTube. We can make dinner (...or pick up McDonald’s and bring that home but whatever.

I know where to go every single night and I never have to worry about where I’m going to stay or what my next move is.

On top of that, the lease is up mid- summer next year so we will be moving. We have that option. We get to choose where we want to go next and what sort of home we would like to have (well, within budget). 

We’re super lucky to have that. Even if our landlords and neighbors are less than desireable.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

#BeThankful Social Ineptitude

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Well. I skipped yesterday... but in my defense, I was at a wedding alllllll day. Let by 9 am and didn’t get home until close to 11 pm. Forgive me??

Today, I am thankful for that one guy yesterday who asked me to dance and made me panic. I don’t know who he is and I will probably never see him again.

But I am thankful because he made me realize an area of myself I can work on self improving.

My friend/date (Boyfriend didn’t go) and I were chatting at the table, having fun alone since we only knew the bride and didn’t know who else to interact with because we are both awkward humans.

Some guy walks up and asks me to dance. The music is so loud he had to ask me three times for me to understand. My face became the 😳 emoji and I quickly shook my head no.

First of all, sir, you’ll never see this, but I am very sorry for how rude I was about saying no. I probably should have and could have been much politer because you were very nice to ask and very nice/respectful about me turning you down. 

Secondly, because of this man... I realized my social skills suck.

1) I could have been much nicer about saying no.

2) Why say no when it was a loud, upbeat, fun song? The kind of song where you just sort of go for it, not the kind where you wonder who’s getting pregnant on the dance floor. Boyfriend wouldn’t have cared if I said yes, because he trusts me.

Well, both are because of anxiety and my absolute ineptitude at social situations.

And because this happened, I realized it’s a much larger problem than I originally thought.

My goal is that next time, I’ll say yes (provided the circumstances are just as innocent as it was yesterday). My goal is that next time I’m at a big event with dancing, I’ll be one of those people looking like an idiot (on purpose) and having a blast on the dance floor.

And it’s because of this guy I can do this. So I am very thankful for him.

Friday, November 10, 2017

#BeThankful My Timezone

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I’m thankful for the time zone I live in.

Why?

First of all, Arizona doesn’t do daylight savings. So while all y’all have lost an hour, we are totally fine and don’t have to adjust our sleep patterns. Ha!

Secondly, when you do lose an hour, it makes it easier for me to keep up with my loved ones who are a few hours ahead of me. Most everyone I know is 1 or 2 hours ahead of me, or during the other six months, 2 or 3 hours ahead. Which can suck if I’m working until 6 or 7 pm, meaning it’s 9 or 10 where my loved ones are.

And finally... I may or may not have forgotten to write this post soooo... glad I had that extra hour throw this together!

Thursday, November 9, 2017

#BeThankful Medical Staff

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


I think it’s pretty safe to say that a lot of people are scared of doctors, hospitals, etc. I personally am not. I was always more scared of the dentist but after being in braces for 2.5 years and going to the orthodontist every six weeks, i was sort of forced to get passed that.

Next week, i have a doctors appointment.

Which if you know me, just blew your fucking mind. I don’t go to the doctor. Ever. Last time I went was close to four years ago, and before that was probably when I had a concussion two years prior.

It’s not that I’m scared of the doctor. It’s that I’m that idiot who won’t go unless I’m basically dying.

(I’m not dying. This time.)

And even though I have had some really shitty doctors, i am trying to remember to be thankful for them. Because they save lives daily.

My mom. Me. My friend Ashley about 8000 times. My friend who shall remain nameless but knows who he is. 

Without doctors, none of us would be here.

And they easily have one of the hardest jobs in the world. We literally put our lives in their hands and just hope they know what they’re doing so they can save us.

They might be scary to some people and I understand that... but try to remember they spent a minimum of 8 years in school so they could help people. 

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

#BeThankful Today

Okay, okay! I get it y’all! You don’t like black back with the white font! If I’m being completely real with you... The anti-virus expired on my computer and I can’t currently afford to renew it, so I can’t edit the layout. Not right now, at least. I will when I can, but it might be a while and I hope you’ll stick around until I can make it happen.

Onto the post!

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I’m thankful for today.

I had a good day. It went smoothly. I got a lot done. I was in a good mood the majority of the day.

But the thing is... I’m one of those lucky bastards (and so are you) who woke up today.

We don’t always get a tomorrow, even though we expect it. The last text I genuinely sent said, “You too! :) See you tomorrow!” as if it’s promised. And it’s not.

So, go remind those you love, that you love them. Because you can do that today. You can do just about any (legal and morally right) thing you want today. 

So do it. 

Make your dreams come true. Share your love. Follow your passion. Eat that snack. Make today something that you’re proud of.

Because we might not get tomorrow to make up for it.



This went in a much more dark direction than I meant, but it’s too late. I’ve already typed it. We’re going with it. Decisions are made. 😂😂

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

#BeThankful Stranger Compliments

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


While I’m always thankful for compliments from people that I know, it’s compliments from strangers that I’m thankful for today.

This morning, I woke up in a shit mood because my downstairs neighbors were making so much noise throughout the night, I was waking up about every half hour. That’s not easy to make me do considering I’ve started my 12/13 hour days, 6 days a week. I should basically be unconscious, which tells you how god damn loud they are.

I went by the gas station next to my house to get something to drink before work. The cashier first said, “I love your hair! It looks great on you.” which automatically lifted my mood. Before I left she added, “Where did you get your shirt? It’s really cute. I absolutely love the color.”

Of course compliments from our loved ones are important and mean a lot, but compliments from strangers are special in their own way.

Because these strangers are taking time out of their day to spread positivity and love your way, even though they have no idea who you are and likely won’t ever see you again. Their thought is to make you, a complete stranger, happy and feel good about whatever they’re complimenting.

And that’s super fucking nice.

This lady turned my day around and she’ll probably never even know.

Monday, November 6, 2017

#BeThankful Self Expression

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I am thankful for the things that make me feel confident about myself. Hair dye, makeup, kick ass boots.

These things normally seem like we are bragging or if we say we are happy to have beauty products, we’re often given a speech about how you don’t need makeup or hair dye to be beautiful- which is entirely true. But there’s also absolutely nothing wrong with wearing makeup or dying your hair or dressing up. As long as you can love yourself when you’re dressed down too.

While I was working at the shoe store I managed, makeup was borderline required. Dressing up was required. Since we were selling fashion, the owners wanted us (ages 16-23 at the time my store closed) to look a little older and mature, but still stylish so we would seem like we knew what we were saying. I started hating doing a full face of makeup every day.

The store I work in now only asks that we don’t look like we’ve just crawled out of bed. So I toned down the makeup- mostly foundation, mascara, and giving myself eyebrows. And t-shirts and jeans became my go to outfits.

But the last couple months, ever since I went to vegas, I realized how much I actually miss dressing up. It’s too much effort at 7 am for work, but I actually do love it now.

It makes me go from being alright with my face, to thinking it’s a nice face.

I’ve been dying my hair since I was 12. I started because it was that weird shade between blond and brown where it always looked dirty, no matter how much I washed it. Then I started adding colors for fun. Now I’m known as the girl who can’t keep the same hair for more than a few months and I find it hilarious. It keeps things exciting instead of keeping the same thing all the time.





This is the latest adventure. I don’t even know what color it is. In the light, it looks almost pink. In the house, it’s almost black. It’s fantastic.

All of this stupid shit is fun for me and makes me feel confident in myself. 

A lot of people I talk to on the app that shall not be named tell me how much they hate themselves and how much they wish they could change. Some kids even want to just cut their hair but they aren’t allowed. One of my best friends was like that (she’s actually the one who picked the dye for my this time). She wasn’t allowed to cut her hair until she was 16. Meanwhile, I was dying mine at 12.

It just makes me stop and think that:

1) How lucky am I to have confidence in myself. So many people don’t. So many people hate themselves. I used to be one of them but I’m one of the lucky ones who was able to break free of that.

2) How lucky am I that I was always allowed to express myself and do what would make me feel more comfortable in my skin. I could wear whatever I wanted (as long as i could bend over without things getting R rated). I could dye my hair and wear makeup and had a few piercings. Stuff that still makes me happy doing.

3) I live in a society where I can do whatever the fuck I want. My culture doesn’t dictate that I have to be covered head to toe, or that makeup is bad, or anything like that. Granted, it does teach women to want makeup and feel we need it but we are focusing on the positives here. That’s a post for another time.

4) A lot of the products I use actually help with my psoriasis. It helps keep my skin condition in check- which was always the main reason for my lack of confidence.

It probably seems stupid but when you go from hating what you see in the mirror to being pretty happy with it, and you find a love for doing things that make you feel even more confident, you start to value self expression a lot more.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

#BeThankful Lazy Days

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Yesterday, I wrote how thankful I am to have a job, despite being so exhausted.

On the flip side, today I’m thankful to have a day off. For the next month, I’ll have about one day to myself a week. Only once will I have two days off and that will be next weekend- when on Saturday I have to be ready early in the morning for a 12+ hour wedding event (not my wedding).

Today, I’m thankful for bed, where I have spent the majority of my day.

Not everyone gets the opportunity to rest or nap. Thousands of people don’t even have a bed or a comfortable place to sleep. 

But here I am, laying in bed as I write this. I slept until 12:22 in the afternoon, my boyfriend bought pizza, and we’ve just been chilling all day.

Some people don’t get to do that. I work a lot of hours, but thousands of people work seven days a week and don’t get to rest. Millions of people have kids, many of whom don’t have help with the kids, and simply can’t take a lazy day because too much needs to be done.

This time last year, I was working seven days a week, 11-14 hour days every single day. A few years ago, I went a full month without a single day off. It’s absolutely exhausting.

When you get time to be lazy or to rest, or even to practice self care, remember that not everyone gets that chance and to value it even more while you’re able to do so.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

#BeThankful Work

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


I wanted to give a shout out to Emelle, who I stole this topic from.

My boss is going out of town for the month of November. Since so much of my store is online and shipping, somebody has to be there Monday-Saturday to mail out all the orders. His girlfriend and I are making it work. She’s working next Saturday (because I have a wedding to go to) and closing the Saturday after that (because I have a concert to go to, but I still open). I do every other Saturday, starting today (you’ll see this Sunday but shhh.)

If you want to include travel time (in which I work on that app you don’t know the name of), I will be working about 72 hours a week for the next month. Last time I did that was last time this year, but at least it was two jobs so I was bringing in a lot more money.

It’s only the first Saturday of this and I’m already exhausted. I had a hard time getting out of bed and seriously considered if I could call out without repercussions (no). If it wasn’t for my boyfriend, I’m not sure I would have been able to convince myself to get up in time, because I barely made the bus.

But here’s the thing...

I’m lucky to have a job. I’m lucky to be able to work. I’m lucky to have money coming in, even though I’m broke more often than not. I’m lucky to have a boss that sees me as a human and that I can joke around with. 

My job may not be the life changing job I want, where I can help people all day long and make a difference in their lives. I’m not saving lives or helping people to save themselves. It’s nothing fancy and I certainly won’t be remembered for it when I’m a little old lady. 

But it pays my bills. It keeps a roof over my head. It lets me buy food. It lets me buy that dress for the wedding I’m going to. It lets me have internet and phone- which allows me to help people save themselves. It takes me on adventures through the city every day and reminds me that I could be the person living on the street.

How easy it could be for me to be like them. One month without a job and I could be the people I see on the streets every day. And once you end up on the street, it’s almost impossible to get back off. 

Even if your job sucks and you hate it and you wish you could be doing something else, try to remember that somebody is wishing they could be you and they would give anything to be making as much as you- even if you’re barely getting by.

Friday, November 3, 2017

#BeThankful My Body (not in that way)

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


A couple of weeks ago, I was running for the bus, because I NEVER leave the house on time in the morning. I have yet to miss a morning bus, but I’ve also only left on time once (the very first day because I had to find which bus stop I needed).

Well, a curb decided to reach out, grab me by the ankle, and kick my ass something akin to Hulk beating Loki’s ass in the first Avengers movie. (Blame my boyfriend and my job. They’re turning me into a nerd. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s all my boyfriend’s fault.)

Actually what happened is my dumbass was running, tripped over the curb, flew a couple feet, landed and slid. I heard a crack which I’m still unsure of the cause (either my phone hitting cement, my neck, or my teeth smashing together). However, I didn’t feel any pain at all. When I realized my hand was torn open, i knew that was a bad thing, but gosh darnit I did not wake up at 7 am to skip work.

The pain kicked in about 15 minutes later, about the same time I realized that my necklace had broken off when I fell. Now, I’ve talked about this necklace before. It’s the necklace my boyfriend got me for our first Christmas together, almost five years ago. It’s easily one of my favorite and more important possessions, because apparently I’m sentimental with some stuff, so on top of being in pain, my heart was broken.

I ended up being about half an hour late opening my store because I had to stop at the store and then spend far too long scrubbing dirt out of my hand. And noticed a few scrapes on my left hand. I ended up having to do this to it:



Now, I’m right handed and even using my fingers, I could feel it stretching the skin on my hand and making it impossible to close up. It took three days to finally stop bleeding, which meant it was essentially useless to shower and I certainly couldn’t do dishes with it. I couldn’t open anything because my left hand suddenly seemed incapable of doing the most basic tasks as if it was trying to make my life difficult.

Meanwhile, by the morning of the day after I fell, I realized I had bruised most of my left side. That didn’t stop me from looking for my necklace. Which I found, half way between where I fell and the bus stop. It’s missing a couple of the tiny stones around it now, but I had the chain repaired and the dirt cleaned out. I’m still in shock it was still there.

By the third morning, pain had fully set in and my ribs and left leg where I hit the ground had swollen up and decided even existing was going to cause pain. All I wanted was to lay on a bed of ice until it was over and my body decided to stop hating me.

It was around that time I realized how fucking lucky I have it that (provided a curb doesn’t attempt to kill me), I am fully able and capable of doing pretty much whatever I want.

 I may not be a gymnast who can do all sorts of elaborate tricks, I may not be a surgeon because I have shaky hands, I may not be able to walk in heels...

But I can walk. I can shower. I can cook and clean up and buy the groceries. I can run (not well, apparently). I can swim. I can drive (not legally, apparently). I can sing (well, that’s up for debate). When we move, I can help pack and carry things out, then I can help carry them in and unpack. I could chase my dogs when they got loose when I lived with my mom. I can play tag and chase and climb things (for instance, the shelves at my old job). I can do my makeup and style my hair. I can feed myself and open my own damn bottle of water (but not the jar of salsa in my work fridge, that bitch).

And every single day, I take it all for granted. I just get up and go do all these things I want to do. 

Y’all, I can get up.

One of my best friends has always been in a wheelchair. He was in the hospital for weeks. Weeks! I won’t go into details because that’s his personal business, but he wasn’t allowed to have a real shower for a very long time.

I was complaining that after two days, I could physically shower but it was difficult, because my hand was still bleeding.

At least I could fucking shower. Sure, it took longer, but I was able to shower and feel clean anyways.

That was a wake up call for me. I am so much more thankful for my body, for all my working limbs and the fact I am not disabled in any way. Those of us who are fully able to do whatever we want, don’t realize how lucky we have it.

And for those of you who are disabled in some way, you are stronger than I will ever know.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

#BeThankful Life

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.

Last night, I met a man that I’ve never met before but hope to see again. I didn’t get his name, which I should have, but we had a fascinating conversation.

I missed the early bus hope so I stopped at the gas station by the bus stop for a snack, since I had at least 35 minutes before the next bus even showed up and then another 30-40 before getting home on top of that. With my bag of chips, I sat down next to this man who was eating his bag of chips.

After a few minutes, he said to me, “Are you on the way home, sister? You’re traveling far tonight.”

I said, “I am. I live way up by that place I’m not putting on the Internet but is safe to say out loud because there’s dozens of apartment complexes and hundreds of houses in the area.”

He said, “I have three homes here. One with my sister, one with my girlfriend, and one over there by myself. I come from the Navajo reservation, but that’s not my home now. As soon as I turned 18, something pulled me away and I knew I had to leave. It wasn’t where I was meant to stay anymore.”

I said, “I know what you mean. That’s why I moved here.”

He told me, “I travel all over the place, looking to lost souls. You’re not lost, I know, but I felt drawn to start a conversation with you.”

After a minute, he said, “Sister, are you native? I feel like it runs strongly in your blood.”

It took me completely off guard. I’m about as pale as you can get, with green eyes and natural lighter hair (but currently died a deep burgundy red). Looking at me, you can’t tell. But I actually do have 2+ Native American Indian bloodlines. Most people in my personal life don’t even know until I’ve told them. So I said, “Yes, I am.”

He smiled. “I thought so, sister. I can tell. I’m trying to read you... You’re very open minded, very curious. But your curiosity holds you back because you want everything to be explained and have an answer. You don’t like to accept things at face value.”

Again, he shouldn’t have been able to know any of that  without me telling him, but I would accept that he was reading my facial expressions for that. I feel like this paragraph here can prove his point though.

He asked me, “What is it you believe, in the simplest of terms?”

I had to think about it, to try to make it as simple as I could. “You get what you give, even if it takes decades to appear. If you spend your life trying to provide love and joy to others, eventually it will be repayed. If you tear others down or hurt others, the same will happen to you.”

He smiled at me. “Sister, do you believe this scientifically or do you believe a higher being is causing this?”

Again, I had to think about how to explain myself. “I think a higher being is in charge. Or higher beings. I don’t know- Most religious essentially say the same thing, but in different words and with different names. My God might have a different name than your God, but that doesn’t mean we are praying to different Gods.”

He smiled again. “My friend calls this being Source, because that is all life source. Now, let me ask you one more thing. What has happened that you can’t explain? Something that shouldn’t have happened, but did anyways.”

Excluding the fact he was able to tell me so much about myself, I decided to go with, “I was never supposed to even exist. My mom was told she would never conceive, but she did. She almost had me at 4 months, but she didn’t. She was in a coma that lasted for days, but we both survived. Today (Halloween, at the time it happened) was my expected due date but I was born in September, even though I was perfectly healthy.”

By the time I was done talking, he had tears in his eyes. “Sister, you’ve been given a gift. Life is a gift for all who have it, but yours was a special gift. Don’t let it go to waste. Remember to say thank you and value this gift every day, because you are truly blessed to have it.”

The bus arrived so I asked him if he was getting on. He shook my hand and said, “Not this time. I have to go find some lost souls who I can return their wings to. We will meet again. Take care.”


Today, I am thankful for his reminder. Today, I am thankful for life. Today, I am thankful that I met him.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

#BeThankful Food

For the month of November, I’ll be posting a different thing I’m thankful for every day as a way to help share positivity and remind us to be thankful for what we have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I am purposely skipping people I’m close to because of course the first thing everyone will say is their kids or significant other or parents. However, people who inspire me are allowed. If anyone would like to join in, let me know below and use #BeThankful in your post so I can find it.


Today, I’m thankful for something very basic we often take for granted.

Food.

How often do we say things like “I’m starving” or “I haven’t eaten in such a long time”?

Okay, now how often are you actually starving and how long has it actually been since you’ve eaten?

My guess is, no you aren’t starving and you probably ate a few hours ago, or maybe yesterday.

But every single day, I go by dozens of homeless men, women, and children who actually are starving. They’re the ones who don’t hold up signs begging for money or food, but the ones you find sleeping on a sidewalk because they’re too tired, too hungry, to weak to move.

They’re the man who cried when I bought him a Hot Dog from the gas station for 99¢. They’re the lady who was asking for formula for her baby on the bus, with her own bones sticking out even though the baby looked perfectly healthy. They’re the two little girls who approached me and asked if I could get them some water because the fountain was broken at the bus stop. They’re the war veteran with the broken neck that healed wrong I drive by every single morning, never asking for anything, but holding a sign only saying “Have a blessed day” with all of his belongings sat at his feet.

Now, we don’t all have much to give and I don’t preach religion on here. If you want to learn about being a good Christian, go visit my friend Megan on her blog. But there is one bible story that has always stuck with me. Your faith (or lack thereof) shouldn’t stop you from taking the lesson away from it.

Paraphrasing: Several rich people gave large sums of money to the Church or somebody in need, while a widow only gave one coin. When Jesus praised the widow, the rich people were upset because they gave so much more. He said, “You gave a small portion of what you have while the widow gave every thing she has, her very last coin.”

Why do we throw away so much food because we let it expire? If we see it’s getting close to expiring or we know we won’t use it, why don’t we donate it?

Why do we judge homeless people? More often than not, it isn’t there fault. More often than not, they are struggling to survive and have a very small chance at ever getting back on their feet.

Maybe don’t give out money, but what’s wrong with having some gift cards for restaurants you pass out when you see someone in need? Why not go to the 99¢ store and stock up on snacks and care products to give to the person begging for a 99¢ Hot Dog because he hasn’t eaten in 2 days?

We will have the American thanksgiving in a few weeks and make mass amounts of food, eat until we can’t move, and then spend a week eating all sorts of variation of turkey because we inevitably made too much food and can’t pawn it off on anyone because we are all eating the same damn thing.

Why not take those leftovers and make plates for the homeless community? Why not donate what you have too much left of to those who actually are starving?

I don’t have much and some months, I wonder how I’m going to make ends meet. But if somebody needs a 99¢ Hot Dog, I’m thankful enough of where I am in life, to go buy them that 99¢ Hot Dog. 

And I promise you, they will be more thankful for that 99¢ burned on one side undercooked on the other probably been sitting there for a week bread is expired and hard as a rock Hot Dog than you or I are for the dinner we have on the regular basis. 

Friday, October 27, 2017

Explanations and #BeThankful

Damn.

It's been a long time.

I promised months and months ago that I would explain why I was suddenly missing again but this has constantly been growing and changing so I haven't really known how to say it. So I'm just going to start at the beginning and work my way back to where I am now.

A little over a year ago, probably September of last year, I joined an app that shall remain nameless. If you are meant to know the name of this app, you already do. This is because it is a support group/self help based app. For reasons you'll see, I'm pretty well known on there and I will not risk confidentiality being broken by connecting this to that.

I joined because I wanted to offer support to others. I know what it's like to feel alone and didn't want anyone else to go through that, so I joined to offer an ear. I ended up joining a group a lady had made. She was looking for people to help moderate her group so I volunteered. And I was chosen.

The group only had about 1000 people and there were five of us active so it wasn't a big deal. Until literally every other group moderator disappeared (for various reasons) and the group suddenly grew in size to about 1500 people. I reached out to the group's sponsor around November. He told me, essentially, I was in charge until the creator came back and he would help me.

When I went to Denver earlier this year, was the first time I added my own moderators. I chose two girls at first (a third was later added) because I was leaving state and knew I couldn't be active. By this point, the group was suddenly close to 2000 people. A lot of people thought I was the one who created the group because I was the most active and the original lady hadn't yet returned.

Well, that group's sponsor also has his own group. And had met the app developer.

One day, the sponsor sent a message to myself and my (now three) chosen moderators. The sponsor had been asked to take over the largest group on the app (at the time, 58000 people) and to make his own team for it. He wanted to see which from my team was interested. I was the one who convinced him to take it.

Originally, it was just him and I on that group. Eventually, we added our third, our other team leader. It was decided the three of us would decide everything together. 

It was around this time that the lady from the original group returned. She has since taken over her group again and I've stepped back. I never intended to keep it or take over. I was just filling in.

Well... The developer liked what we were doing and asked if, eventually, we would like to take over all of the other official groups created by the app. So we decided we would make a team for each group and we would sort of go between all of them. Since we all come from retail backgrounds, we would be compared to a "district manager", with a "manager" of each group, and then a team to follow. We have chosen our "manager" for the biggest group. 

As of yet, we only have the one group, but I believe we will be taking over the next largest (31500) by the end of the year. We planned on the end of summer but...

While all this was going on, the developer started an app moderator program. This was probably about August. You see, up until this point, you could moderate the group you were made a moderator of but you couldn't touch the main wall. Also, you could block people from your group or your account but you couldn't ban them from the app. 

Well... he asked us to be the first three actual app moderators too...and to run that program to choose who else to give these (as we call them) "mystical powers" to. So we said, "sure, we're already drowning, what's one more thing". We have a few people in mind but this is such a huge and sensitive responsibility, we haven't given anyone these powers yet.

Also, my real life job moved out of city so I now have to take the bus to and from work. You can see some of my adventures on twitter under #RachelTakesTheBus 

I try to get all my app stuff done while commuting to work so I have my weekends free, but by the time the weekend comes, I'm dead on my feet. Usually all I want to do is binge watch Hulu, eat pizza, and nap. 

Which isn't what I'll be doing this weekend. This weekend, I'm going to mass-Write a bunch of posts for November. I'm using November to post a different thing I'm thankful for every day in an attempt to spread positivity.

Because if I've learned anything this last year- positivity isn't shared nearly as much as negativity and seeing good messages and good vibes can change or save someone's life. 

I think I'm going to call this the #BeThankful series but I'm open to suggestions. I'm also inviting you all to write just one post of something you're thankful for this month, that maybe you don't say enough. 


Today's positive thought: This all started on a whim. You never know what little things you do can take you into huge opportunities or how one thing you say or do can impact someone for the rest of their life.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Week I Caught Up

April 9
 
  



April 10
 
  



April 11
 
  


April 12
 


April 13


April 14
 
  


April 15
 
    


April 16
 
  
Easter dinner!


April 17


April 18
 
  


April 19
 
  


April 20
 


April 22
 


April 23
 
 


April 23
 



April 25
 
Fresh dye!


April 27
 
 


April 28
 
Boyfriend brought it home for me!


April 29
 


Positive thought of the day: Later this week I'll explain why life was so crazy that I couldn't do this for the last almost month!

Sunday, April 9, 2017

The Week I Was Orange

Sunday
 


Monday
 
Not pictured: Senor Psychopath and Frog Bitch are no longer together. I'll give y'all 3 guesses to figure out who I'm talking about.


Tuesday 
 



Wednesday 
 



Thursday 
 
 

 



Friday
 
 
 



Saturday
 
 
 
 
 



Positive thought of the day: I was not attacked by any birds this week and orange makeup comes off (with 3 layers of soap).