Saturday, February 11, 2012

Childhood Dreams: Then and Now (Part Two)

     This is the second part of the different childhood dreams I had. As I stated in the last post, Brother was the one who came up with the idea, but I really liked it.

The Animal Reserve Dream
     As I mentioned, I love animals. Some time after the vet and teacher dreams ended, I went back to the cowgirl thing, in a way. There was a girl who lived across the street from me and we found this stray cat. We took it in and started feeding it, until he was all happy and healthy. He greeted us every morning and was always there for our amusement when we were playing.

     We also found this scruffy little dog, who had a collar on the other side of our street. We put him on a leash and started looking for the address to take him home, because every animal deserves a loving family. My mom will find this out by reading the blog (haha, surprise Momma!) but I broke her rules and went to the other side of the street. I wasn't allowed to turn the corner but I did anyways, because I knew the address would be on the other side.

     We made it about two houses down before this huge, black truck pulled up beside us. He said that was his dog and he had been looking for him for hours. Thinking about it now, I probably should have asked him what the address was so I could double check it with the tags, but I was just happy that we had found the puppy his home.

     After that, my friend and I decided we wanted nothing more than to have a big farm with a lot of land to take in those poor animals who didn't have a home, and to return lost animals to their homes. We didn't want to be like animals shelters, who kill the animals after three days.

     Do I still want to own an animal reservation? Absolutely. I kind of already do, since I have mostly rescued animals.

The Singer Dream
     When I moved and made new friends, they really got me interested in music and singing. I still wanted to own the animal reservation, but I figured that could be where I lived, while I was making music and traveling the world. I mean, I really loved singing. A lot. I was singing almost constantly, especially with my friends.

     That lasted for a long time and eventually we moved to a new state where I met another friend. She asked me to join her band as a co-lead singer. You guys have no idea how happy that made me. I couldn't stop smiling and we instantly became best friends. We planned everything. We had the band name and logo and who the rest of our band could be. It was pretty awesome.

     Eventually, that dream started to go away. Our band members kept leaving and we never had a place to practice, not once, so I was losing faith. My friend and I decided to try out for American Idol when I was seventeen and she was sixteen, but our friendship ended before that point, so it never happened. One other thing that happened was that I discovered I have hearing loss in both ears from ear infections when I was little. There are many pitches I can't hear, or sing, unless my voice is very soft.

     Do I still want to be a singer? If I could get passed the stage-fright and hearing loss, hell yeah! It'll never happen, but I can dream!

The Writer Dream
     While I was singing, I also got the urge to start writing. I never really knew where my stories were heading, but I had all these ideas I just had to get out on paper. If I wasn't with the friend and/or singing, I was writing. Those were my only two real interests at the time.

     This dream hasn't actually gone away, like the rest have. I still love writing (and singing, but that's already been decided I can't do it). I still write fiction stories, mainly. When I'm inspired, I'll write poetry or song lyrics, but those are almost always related to a very strong emotion and non-fiction, so those are a lot more rare than anything else.

     The problem is that I either come to writer's block or I put too much emotion into the stories, that I don't want to share them. I get very self-conscious with things that I write, that I have had panic attacks while waiting for people to give me their opinions. If anything, I think I could get some of the poems published, but that would be it.

     Do I still want to be a writer? Yes, but for now, only unpublished. Maybe one day I'll become professional, but I need to work on how to deal with criticism first.

The Psychiatrist Dream
     I have known a lot of people who suffer from depression and the things the depression can cause. I've gone through times in my life where I've suffered from it as well. It's horrible and something I wish nobody had to go through. It affects more than just one person but can also destroy other people, especially if a loved one commits suicide.

     I want to make a difference with it. I want to be a person that everyone can go to when they need somebody to talk to. Helping somebody get through the dark thoughts and hard times is what everyone should want to do, but most people choose to ignore. I didn't want to ignore it. For about a month, I decided that was what I wanted to do. Then I discovered a flaw.

     A friend I had, had an online friend who had planned her suicide. The friend asked me to talk to her and try to break through to her because nobody had her address to go and stop her. I stayed up an entire night, talking to this girl and trying to get her see how much the world would miss her. Ten minutes before she had said she was going to do it, she cut off contact with everyone. We thought we failed. I cried like I had lost my best friend.

     For half an hour, I thought I had failed in saving her life. I was completely broken. It felt like it was my fault and that I hadn't been able to do what I had to do. Then my friend sent me a text message. She told me that she had tried to do it, but the cops got there in time to stop her. Somebody, I still don't know who, had managed to use the girl's phone number with the cops, to track down her address and save her life.

     Do I still want to be a psychiatrist? I could never handle it if somebody committed suicide because I couldn't help them. I would never forgive myself. But I will always be there when somebody needs me.

The Daycare Dream
     For a long time, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Nothing really seemed interesting that I thought I could emotionally handle. I would love to save lives, but I hate blood and couldn't handle it if I failed. I would love to do something to be famous, but there's little to no chance of that ever happening. It only goes on like that.

     Then I saw that my dad's youngest sister had opened and was running her own home daycare. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I love kids and I'm actually very good with them, but being a teacher with twenty something kids is too much for me to deal with. A daycare can only legally have six kids per adult where I live, which I could totally handle.

     I've researched it and made plans. I haven't found anything that's discouraged me and everyone I have talked to thinks it's a good idea. Working as a babysitter (on and off since I was twelve and watching my little cousin, until I got my first official job when I was fifteen that lasted a few years, and now again that I'm eighteen) has given me experience and I really like it.

     Do I still want to own and run a daycare? Absolutely. I just need to get everything set up to open it.

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