Thursday, September 27, 2012

How Were We Not Kicked Out?

     I was supposed to do this post like two weeks ago and then shit happened so the post didn't. Also, I'm sorry for not posting at all Monday, but I was stuck in bed and unable to think. I was stupider than I was in the video.

     I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself that, when Momma and I go somewhere. The only theory I have, is that people are just too scared of us to do anything. Well, that, or we're pretty damn good entertainment for people who have nothing else to do but stand by and watch us.

     Saturday before last, Momma had to drive to a town about 25 minutes away so she could pick up her mileage check for all of the work errands (which is pretty ironic, if you ask me). So, I decided to go with her, even though I only got three hours of sleep (which is starting to become pretty common when we go somewhere) and I was super excited because Momma promised it would be cool enough outside for me to wear my new boots, even though it's only the middle of September.

Aren't they beautiful?
     Once we got to where we needed to go, I discovered that for somebody who never wears heels (because I fall on my ass enough when I'm not even wearing shoes), I was actually pretty awesome at wearing the boots. Unfortunately, I ended up standing in the other office for about half an hour. Just standing. That's all I got to do. Anyone who has ever worn new heeled shoes, after never wearing heels, will understand that I felt like I walked on broken glass.

     Also, while I was just standing there, this guy who likes to hang out in there (who I've met maybe three times, before Saturday) decided to launch onto the most random topic ever. He started telling me how bad it is to meet people on the internet and something about his son and carrying around a large knife. I don't know; I got bored and zoned out.

     I'm all for internet safety and all that shit (I mean, I don't give out pictures or names for a reason), but dude doesn't know me. He doesn't know I have a blog. He doesn't know that I even talk to strangers on the internet. I mean, I know there are bad people out there, but hell, bad people live in the neighborhood and I still have to deal with them too.

     Not only was all of that going on, but everyone in the room except for some 3 year old little boy and myself, felt the need to smoke a cigarette at the exact same time. I felt like I was in a burning building only the smoke was grosser. (Hey Mom, here's a subtle hint: Stop it.)

     So after half an hour, we finally got to leave and headed back to our city. We had nothing else to do and I didn't spend fifteen minutes doing my make-up (hey, give me some credit, that's not a lot of time for all the make-up I wear) just to go home and do nothing. That was how we ended up at the big outdoor mall again.

     Sissi was confused about that, so let me explain. The outdoor mall is this huge outdoor area, with huge stores everywhere. There are restaurants, stores, some of the biggest hotels in the city, a boat rental place for the river/pond around the area, and a huge carousal (which, of course, we rode... sorry, the video's star is me... to be more specific, my ear and neck because I have no aim apparently).

     I changed shoes in the car, so I would be able to walk, and then we had to walk across the entire parking lot. During which I realized, "Wow, it's really hot out here." Thanks to Momma, I was wearing skinny jeans and my hair was down. When it was so hot, I should have been wearing a tank top, shorts, and my hair up so that I wouldn't melt or sweat to death. (Thanks, Momma. I still appreciate it taking ten minutes to take my jeans off when we got home because I was that gross by then.)

     When we got to one of the openings to the mall, we came across a sign. I don't remember seeing it last time we were there, when we ran into Mom's old stalker. I'm almost certain they made it just for us.

Number 3 should have gotten us kicked out right away.
My dad wouldn't be allowed in at all.
     We walked around the outskirts of the mall, since we had never been around there before, and I started looking for something that would be good blog material because I really didn't have anything to post  because we always make a scene worth writing about  because I was hyper and dumb  because I was thinking about what would make ya'll laugh.

     That resulted in me Tweeting a few pictures... but there was a woman in a truck watching me the entire time. Like, she wasn't just watching me. But she was full blown staring at me like she was trying to stare into my soul or something. It was really creepy... I really should have waved at her but I was too busy sweating half to death.

Originally, I wanted a picture of the pretty rock thing they had.
But now I think it's funny that they're so rich they hire people to clean rocks.

He missed a spot.

And a few ant hills.
Last time I checked, nobody likes ant hills except ant eaters.

That is a small part (like three or four stores) of the outdoor mall.
We were on the other side of the pond.

The water fountain didn't work.
It made me sad because I was thirsty.

Those... Those are random donuts.
      I had a video but I lost it. I was following the ducks in the video. I was not chasing them. Please keep in mind, that I'm stupid when I'm exhausted and running on caffeine. And also, Momma is the one who provided me with caffeine and let me be stupid. So yeah, let's blame her. I can't possibly be responsible for myself on three hours sleep and expect things to turn out not stupid.

     Anyways, there was a second video, but it involved Momma doing on of her impressions and any rednecks/hillbillies who happen to find this post would probably be offended... so no. But a random chick was totally watching us and staring so I took a video and I was like "HI RANDOM CHICK" and then she ran away. Oops.

     We ended up at the carousal and Momma was like "Hey, let's ride the carousal!" and so we did. I accidentally said "fricken'" in front of a bunch of little kids and was proud that at least I didn't say "fucking" because their parents looked kind of mean. And there were a lot of them. And security was near by. And it was against the mall policy to curse.

     It was mostly a video of just us babbling and my ear because my mom thought I should take a video of myself instead of holding the camera. Also, guys, that carousal went a hell of a lot faster than I remembered. I was the only one not wearing a belt around my waist and I nearly fell off when it started to go. That probably explains the belts that were big enough for an adult and small children.

     After that, I was still sweating to death so we went to go get food. Since we didn't want to go back to the same place Stalker Face was before and we couldn't find any restaurants on that side of the mall, we had to walk all the way back to the first side. I mean, we would have had to anyways, since we had to get to the car, but it felt like the longest walk ever since I was slowly dying of thirst. (Mom, please remember this guilt trip the next time you give me a weather forecast.)

     We found a map and walked all the way back, but only got until like twenty feet away from the restaurant. Then two random people approached me and made us stop to talk. I don't typically mind random people saying hi. But they wanted a full blown conversation and they were keeping me away from water and A/C.

Random Person: Hi!
Me: Um... Hi?
Person: Are you a teen driver?
Me: Um... Technically?
Person: How old are you?
Me: 18?
Person: Great! We're from Statefarm! We're celebrating teen drivers! Would you like to have some pizza and drinks?
Me: Okay!
Person: Okay, go right that way!
-ten seconds later after following her directions-
Me: I don't see water. Let's go.

     After we ate, we got in the car and drove to the store and then went home. Then I changed into comfy pants and passed out on the couch because I was fucking exhausted and the caffeine wore off.

P.S. That is a pretty sucky ending. Sorry.

P.S. #2 Just for the record, I actually had like four glasses of water in the restaurant.

P.S. #3 The ending line in the video is kind of our motto. "I think we made them mad. We should leave."

P.S. #4 I'll let you know if "Do not follow the ducks" is added to the list


  1. Rachel if anything is added to the list it would be: Do not follow anything.

    1. That would be a very good rule to add, thanks to Stalker Face.

  2. That is the WORST when you are dressed for the wrong season. LOL No one wants to be sweating in pants when you should be rocking shorts. hahahaha

    1. RIGHT? It was supposed to be all cool and windy, so I could wear a fall outfit. NOPE. It was way too hot for that. Shorts would have been SO much better. lol

  3. That mall seems really cool! I confess, I would have been talking to the ducks, as well. Maybe not taking video, but for sure looking at them and having a chat. I adore ducks :)

    And nice boots! Definitely have to wear them in, but it will be worth it!

  4. That mall IS really cool! It's a lot of fun, even if you don't have the money to buy all of that stuff. haha I knew I couldn't be the only one who would talk to the ducks! I'm not really sure why I took a video, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

    Thank you! It's going to take some time to adjust to them and everything, but they're so cute that it's worth it!

  5. I always hate a nonworking water fountain

    1. So do I. If they don't work, they should at least put a sign on it or something.