We have another birthday to celebrate! Damn I've done a lot of birthday posts lately. But today is Mercedes' 23rd birthday! Considering she told everyone on Facebook that she's "turning old today", I thought I might just use that as the title since I'm creative like that.
I'm not going to go into details since that would ruin this whole thing, but I'm starting up a collection fund for Mercedes. This collection fund will be to have her mother in law sent to Mexico to have her head surgically removed from her ass by a very professional, qualified doctor who hopefully speaks English since I don't know Spanish.
That would make a wonderful birthday present for her and she totally deserves it, so you can call in those donations at 1-800-Fix-The-Monster-In-Law. I know, it's a long number, I'm sorry. But it will totally be worth it since she has to deal with her on her birthday. You could probably also donate alcohol to Mercedes and her husband, but you'll have to talk to them about it.
Anyways, Mercedes, I wish I were there to celebrate your birthday with you and to keep the bitch in law off your back for at least today. I hope she doesn't stop you from having a good birthday but I'll make it up to you either way. Maybe I'll buy you that monkey you want. Or a stuffed one since I don't know where to buy a real monkey.
Happy birthday Mercedes, you old lady you! I love ya!