Saturday, April 12, 2014

K is for Kid Stories

     I...was a weird child. You can ask my mother. She will tell you that I was not normal. You can also ask Sissi, who I stayed up on the phone every night with for like a week as we told embarrassing/stupid kid related things about ourselves. I'm not posting the most embarrassing ones today though. Maybe in the future. I have plenty more but only two for today. One funny and one that makes me smile.

     At first, I was terrified of the water because of things I won't get into in this post. I ended up going to swimming classes when I was six or so. When I did, I wouldn't go under water until I had been to several classes. Once I was used to that, I was over my fear.

     In that same summer, I fell in love with the water and with the idea of mermaids. I'm pretty sure that same summer, Uncle BS and my grandparents took me to Sea World. We went in a submarine and saw giant rings in the water. I asked what they were and my uncle said, "Those are for the mermaids to play with. You can't see them now because they went some place else to hide from humans." In a Texas lake, but it made total sense to me.

     I was totally convinced mermaids were real and I wanted to be a mermaid why were my parents human. So like any other kid, I pretended to be what I wanted to be, by swimming basically every day in my grandparents' pool or trying to swim in the bathtub. My uncle would swim with me and he was the only one who would entertain me instead of just agreeing with whatever I said. He helped me make up the stories. It was amazing until a story we made up involved sharks in the middle of the pool, at the deepest part. I knew that they weren't there. I could see they weren't there. I still felt like they were there and stayed in the shallow end after that.

Stray Animals
     What do parents and schools teach about stray animals? I don't know about now, but when I was a kid, they taught to get into the fetal position with our hands over our heads and to hide our faces if we ever saw a stray. I thought adults were stupid. I never once listened to that.

     At one point, when I was seven or eight, my friend and I found a small stray dog running in my yard. We were across the street in her yard so what did we do? We went back to my house, I knelt down with her hiding behind me, and I called the dog over. I was too small to lift him so I held his collar and read the tag. He lived on our street, so it became my mission to return him home. I convinced my friend he was a good dog and went inside my house to get a leash and permission to go down the street.

     Once I had both, my friend and I started walking. We weren't allowed to go behind our street but according to the numbers, that's where his house was, so we got three houses down before a huge black truck pulled up and a guy stopped next to us. My first assumption was I was about to be kidnapped and I should have listened to my mother. A man opened his window and said that was his dog. So I said, "He came to my house so we're trying to bring him back." The dog hopped into the car, the man thanked us, and we ran back to our house because we had expected a nice lady to talk to, not a big scary guy in a huge black truck.

     A few weeks later, a stray cat came to my next door neighbor's house. He looked like he hadn't eaten for a while so what did we do? We got some cat food and since he wouldn't let us close, we set up a Roadrunner-Wild E Coyote type of trail, only it didn't result in the cat being blown up, poisoned, or eaten. It just led to us and a pile of food.

     And guess what?

     It fucking worked.

     My friend and I co-owned that cat after that. He would be at my house every morning where we would be and then follow us around between houses. He let us pet him that first day and let us do whatever we wanted after that. He was a major part of our games and by the end of the month, he had other houses in the neighborhood feeding him, but he still chose to be victim to two eight year old girls with very active imaginations.


  1. Your story reminds me a little of how we got our cat. He was a stray kitten - and quite a mess - roundworms, tape worms, and fleas - not to mention how starved he was. We took care of him, and now he's a happy, healthy cat.

    1. Most cats seem to be rescues now. The one I have (back at my mom's house for now) was 3 weeks old when I got her. Starving and suffering from hypothermia. I had to use syringes to feed her every few hours for a while. Now she's a pain in the butt and all stomach, but I love her.

  2. I never heard that one about getting into the fetal position. It's hilarious, because you're actually supposed to do the exact opposite if you see a dangerous animal (stand tall, make yourself look big, yell loudly, don't turn your back).

    Our neighborhood seemed to be a prime location for asshole people to drop off their unwanted cats, so my mom took them in. I was no stranger to strays, and they were some of the best companions I had growing up.

    1. I was only ever in danger with two animals, both with owners. The first was a Saint Benard who had been inbred, that my dad's parents bought. She attacked me and bit my arm when I was two. My mom had her pinned against the wall by her throat until my aunt got me to a safe place. The second was around the time the stray stories take place. It was my next door neighbor's dog, who we (my two friends and I) had all made friends with. We noticed the gate was open so me and the girl in my story went to go close it, when out came his German Shepard, all teeth and drool. We barely got up on my porch and in the house with the dog trying to eat us. My mom ripped that neighbor a new one when he got home. He tried to say it was an accident and she said something like, "Well, it'll be an accident when I shoot you if any of my kids (my friends and I) get bitten by your dog. If he's so much as outside of his fence and I see him, I'll call the pound and I'm coming after you myself." We were all sitting on my porch like, "Can we just...never make you mad please..."

  3. We have so many cats in our neighborhood that I don't know which ones are owned and which ones are feral. I recognize all the dogs in the neighborhood and have taken some escapees home. When people see a dog that looks at all collie-like, they knock on my door. I'm so grateful to have neighbors who help me with the boys.


    1. People are too scared to help with my mom's dogs. If they ever get loose, the easiest way to find them is to follow the trail of people hiding behind trees or in their cars. Sometimes, they point while hiding, but not to really help so much as to get the dogs away from them. haha

    2. If she or I ever get a video if it, I'll email it to you. It's great.