For those of you who don't know, I deal with depression and various degrees of anxiety. I also work with the public, which is known to be extremely difficult for those with the best mental health and even worse for those who have a broken brain, like I do.
I call it a broken brain because I feel like it doesn't work properly, but that's not actually true. My brain works just as well as anyone else's, even on my worst days. But I feel like it's not, because I feel like everything is overwhelming and I'll never do anything worthwhile, so what's the point?
A long, long time ago, I read something that said: I can give you all the writing and English lessons in the world, but nothing I can tell you will make a difference, unless you're actually writing.
And that stuck with me.
If I don't write, nobody else will take the ideas and words from my brain to make the blog post or book or poem.
If I don't get up, nobody can make me, even if everyone is telling me how and telling me I need to.
If I don't go to work, nobody can force me to go, but they'll all be begging me to do something to support myself (and Cashew the hamster).
If I don't shower, first of all I'll stink...but nobody else can make me do that.
Everything I do, comes down to me. I have to be the one to do it, because often times, I'm the only one who is capable.
Sure, somebody could take my place at work and my mom could pay my bills, but so what?
Nobody else is capable of making me be an adult but myself.
And a lot of times, being an adult sucks. I would know- I lost a job, started packing up that store, got my period, and found out I owed $600 in taxes in less than 24 hours.
But a lot of times, being an adult is awesome. I would know- I had cereal for lunch on Monday after sleeping until 1, get to dye my hair whatever colors I want (currently red), get to wear whatever I want, get to do literally whatever I want (okay, I mean, there are laws because murder and stuff but you know what I mean).
Nobody can tell me not to have six pieces of cake for breakfast (well you can, but you can't stop me). Nobody can tell me not to dye my hair bright blue (unless your my boss but legally, unless it's in a handbook, you can't do anything about it). Nobody can tell me not to stay up until two am watching Disney movies and texting my friends while snacking on Doritos.
Sometimes it just all comes down to you. What are you willing to do for yourself (and your pet hamster)?
Positive thought of the day: I'm dying my hair tomorrow and I have lasagna for dinner.