Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Where's The Ring?

You know, I've been with my boyfriend since just before I turned 19 years old. I've known him since I was just barely 17. That means I've known him 6.5 years and I've been dating him for 4.5. Thats a long ass time, I think. 

And somehow, I'm not sick of him.

And even more surprisingly, he's not sick of me.

People ask me all the time if (when) we're getting married. All the fucking time. Like anytime I meet somebody new and they find out I have a boyfriend, the automatic question is how long have I been with him and then, "Woah! And no ring!?"

Like...no, there's no ring. It's also not your damn business if there's a ring or not.

I don't need a ring to be happy with him. I don't need paperwork to say he's mine. I don't need "security" of a marriage license so he'll stay.

Because I already have all of that and more. 

If I wasn't happy and had a ring, I would just be unhappy with a ring. Paperwork can legally make him mine, but nothing can make him stay if he doesn't want to. We choose to be together because we want to be, not because of anything else.

And honestly, that's all I need. The thing I want most for us, for anyone in a relationship, is that they feel safe, happy, and loved. I already have that.

If there was a ring? That's cool, but I'd be curious as hell how he knew my ring size when even I don't know that. If there was paperwork? Damnit, I can't even fill out job applications, so I would need 14 people and an instruction manual to help me out.

But all that matters is we're happy. He can still make me laugh, make me happy, make me lose my God damn mind, and make me choose to not murder somebody. It takes a special person to do all that.

And I'm not letting him go.

Now, the next person who asks where my ring is will be dealing with the girl from The Ring, got it?

Today's positive thought: Also, he had no idea I was home so when he came home with food for himself, he gave me half without even thinking. Just to make sure I ate today.


  1. Marriage is overrated. Seriously. It means nothing because it can be killed with a divorce.


    1. For real. 50% of marriages are murdered by divorce every year.


  2. I love being married. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But that's what the wife and I wanted, and it's what works for us. We don't try to push that on anyone else, because everyone else is completely different. Besides, we like the title, but we admit that it doesn't prove anything. It's not like it makes us love each other more somehow.

    And as a guy who's married, let me just tell you that nosy people will always find something to pry about. For the wife and I it's always "What, no kid? So when's the kid coming?" And then when we tell them we don't plan to ever have kids, man, do we get an earful. "Oh, you'll change your mind! They all do!" "Oh, I used to think the same way, but now my little Timmy is my LIFE. HE DEFINES ME AS A PERSON."

    Yeah... that's really sad. Marriage, kids... those are nice things, but they shouldn't define who you are as a person.

    1. I think the lesson is: People are nosy little shits.

      Marriage is wonderful for those who do want it. And I'm happy you're both happy. But also I'm happy that you're not trying to shove marriage down my throat.

      I also get, "Oh you're 23?! How many kids do you have?!" None, bitch, I can barely care for my hamster.

    2. I can barely take care of myself on most days and I'm 33. And yeesh, people expect you to have kids already at 23? When I was 23, I was just savoring the peace and quiet of living on my own for once without adult supervision.

      I just feel bad for my wife. One particularly nosy shit actually gave us the spiel about how I, as a man, can have kids at any time, but there's only so many "good years" my wife has. And, you know, the longer she waits, the more likely they are to be shat out retarded, so chop chop.

      Ah, the things complete strangers feel they have the right to say to us.

    3. I've had people asking how many kids I have since I was 20. Mind you, how many, not if I have them. Like, excuse me, just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I have to have a tiny person inhabiting it until it shuts down.

      Your wife should start responding with, "Oh, you must have a really old mom then" any time they say something would be wrong with the kid.

  3. Hey. Iv just stumbled acoross your blog. Really like your posts. I post about mental health too. Im always saying the same thing about marriage
    That you dont need to go through all that stress, legality and paper work (and spend all that money) to prove you love someone. I totally agree with you on this subject. People just assume you're going to get married and they seem to think its strange if you dont go alone with it like everyone else. I think a lot of people marry and have kids for the wrong reasons, one of those reasons being that they just think its what thier supposed to do because its what everyone else is doing. it should be your own choice. Xx

    1. Thank you so much!!

      I agree- Marriage and kids can be wonderful...if all parties involved are happy with the decision. But it's just not for everyone either. One size doesn't fit all.

  4. I sometimes wish to file my taxes "Single"... but that's usually because college sweetheart and I married 20 years after we dated, meaning we'd grown up separately and were very different by the time we married. Why did I marry 1st husband? Love, security, The American Dream (we had ALL the stuff and vacationed well), a step-child who was abused by her mother and ended up destroying marriage #1. Oh, and my credit along with it, as we filed joint bankruptcy 2 years before we split.
    Married husband #2 too quickly, because I didn't want to just "live together". That was my mistake. I ended up giving HIM security and improved credit and whatever else, but there's not a lot of love in our relationship, so there's also not a lot of FUN. We simply co-exist, and because we're legally "one", it would be too inconvenient for either of us to walk away.

    So. Seriously. I'm not UNhappy in my marriage, but I'm certainly not HAPPY. So don't do it, unless YOU want to. And be sure to have good reasons!