Monday, June 13, 2016

Telemarketers

     Don't get me wrong, I don't hate telemarketers for doing their jobs. It doesn't bother me at all. Considering how much I hate making phone calls, especially to people that I don't know, I almost admire them. Like, props to them for doing an honest job so that they can earn money. Better than being a drug dealer or a black market gun smuggler.

     However, please don't be the person that makes something super weird. Don't say something that's going to leave the person on the other end of the phone wondering how the fuck they're supposed to respond.

Me: Hi! Thank you for calling (name of my store). This is Rachel. How can I help you?
Man: Hi Sweetie! My name is (whatever the fuck he said). I'm a salesman from a window installation company. Is your mom or dad home?

     I didn't even know where to begin. I didn't know if I should tell him that he had called a business that does not have any outside windows and that should he want to discuss windows, he should call the mall leasing office which handles all the windows in the building. Not the store, which actually has no real say over any sort of construction, because my goodness the lease is strict.

     I didn't know if I should tell him that I'm 22, nearly 23, but thank you for saying I still sound young enough to live with my parents. Or maybe it was an insult by saying I sound immature. I'm not sure. Should I have questioned him? I don't know. I couldn't decide.

     What if I had made some crack about putting my fucking juice box down so I could go to the airport, get on a plane, fly 1600 miles all the way back to my mom's house, go knock on the door, hand her the phone, and say, "Mommy, there's a man on the phone for you."?

     I was so dumbfounded that I didn't even say anything for a full minute. When I finally did, all I could squeak out was, "Umm.... I'm the manager of a business. I think you have the wrong number. Can I help you with anything?" to which he got flustered and quickly said goodbye.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Oreo Etiquette

     What is the proper way to eat an Oreo?

     Do you split it open, eat the frosting, dunk the cookies, and then eat the cookies?

     Do you dunk the whole cookie and then eat it?

     Do you just shove the whole cookie in your mouth and hope you don't choke?

     I'm having a debate with my friends. Apparently, doing all of the above is incorrect and they believe that you should go with the first option to fully savior the cookies.

     However, I have a friend who will only eat the frosting and her boyfriend refuses to share Oreos with her because he only gets the cookies and no frosting.

     We need answers. How do you eat your Oreos?

     (And if you don't like them, you can GTFO. Mom, I'm looking at you. I love you, but I'm looking at you.)