Monday, December 31, 2012

Who Wins The Carnivorous Plant?

     Two weeks ago, I posted this post for who could win a venus fly trap, like the one I got Momma for Christmas. Okay, what happened with Medusa (her plant/pet) was that it ended up getting sick and was sick when it got here. We don't really know what happened. I'm going to read reviews of who I order it from on Amazon, before I order it to make sure that I buy it from a place that's actually good. Ashley is helping with the judging so she'll probably help with that too.

     Okay! Ashley and I are looking through Amazon to find a highly rated place to get the venus fly trap. In the mean time, the A Beer For The Shower boys should email me the mailing address at so I can order the carnivorous plant! Congrats!

     As for Kianwi and Brett Minor, I feel bad that you don't get anything, so you can each pick 2 topics for me to write about. Nothing is off limits. (Well, keep it respectful, but I'll write about basically anything.)

     Ya'll have a Happy New Year and stay safe. I hope to hear about all sorts of crazy stories from you guys later on in the week!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Guest Post Saturday: Edition Twelve

     Wow, okay, I was not expecting to post this. Its been a looong time since I've had a guest post and I guess this will serve as a reminder that if you want to do one you can go here for all the information and send me an email at

     Ashley from My Fight Inside looked up the Amanda Todd video to learn who she was and why everyone hates her. It then caused her to post something on Facebook, which one of her husband's ex coworker's decided to argue with.

     A grown woman said that bullying was justified because a mistake was make and "she would teach her kid better than to make Amanda Todd's mistakes". What I wanted to say was, "Look here mother fucker, how about you teach your kids how to treat another human being properly instead of allowing them to bully others? Do you WANT your kid to be a murderer? Because if they bully somebody to the point they kill themselves, they should rot in prison for the rest of their lives." But it was settled before it came to that. I think. I don't really know because she stopped replying while things were still kept decently nice.

     Anyways, this post is for Ashley and not about me or my thoughts, but I did want to include the link to the collection posts I did for Anti Bullying Week as well since its related and Amanda Todd is mentioned in Day Three. This is a topic we feel very strongly about and if you haven't read my posts, please do so after you watch Ashley's video. 

     Click here to watch the video. I am unable to upload it to my blog but this link will take you to it.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Past Week And A Half

     Bad things that have happened in the past week and a half:
-I have been sick in bed to the point I couldn't work.
-I went to work sick.
-I was constantly yelled at by the owner of the restaurant for not doing anything right.
-I had to deal with a week of "end of the world" posts all over the internet that made want to punch people.
-I burned the crap out of my arms under a heat lamp at work to the point an ice cube had a steady stream of water dripping off my arms because I was doing my job and the expo's job so I was under the heat lamps too much.
-My mom shoved a bunch of chips in my mouth and made me choke which made a bunch of chips fall right down my shirt in front of my boyfriend.
-My dad sent me a "Merry Christmas" text which was followed by "Sorry I can't do anything, money is tight" text instead of calling me or even getting me a card.
-The Kitten has been bleeding an unreasonable amount for going on 7 weeks of heat and its scaring the shit out of me, so she's getting fixed on January 7.

     Good things that have happened in the past week and a half:
-Wolfy got me awesome socks for Christmas. (Pictures to come later.)
-He also got me one of the most beautiful necklesses I have ever seen. (You'll see that later too.)

-I got over being sick.
-Even though the owner yelled at me for doing things wrong, when he would walk away, I would do things the right way and he praised me for doing such a good job and it was kinda my own secret "fuck you, mother fucker, I was doing it right the first time" because I couldn't actually say that.
-The world didn't actually end. (You can thank Brett Minor for that.)
-My arms are doing much better since the servers took over running and being the expo so that I could put ice on my arms and  then I put burn cream on them. Still sore from being slow roasted, but not nearly as bad.
-My boyfriend seems to think it was funny that I got chips down my shirt but I'm not entirely sure because I haven't asked him.
-My dad actually texted me "Merry Christmas".
-Christmas. (Details to come when I get the rest of my presents. Mom got me pretty awesome stuff too.)
-I got paid even though it wasn't much money at all.
-The Kitten has an appointment to be fixed so she'll be okay again.
-The Big Dog now has his own dog bed and actually (sometimes) gives me room to sleep in my own bed.
-Wolfy, Ashley, Mercedes, Sissi, Brother, and Mom all seemed to like their Christmas presents and that made me very happy.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Harry Potter And Concussions

     No, I didn't get another concussion! Everyone keeps asking me about it every time I bump my head. For the record, that's only happened a few times. Once, it was on the car and I knocked myself silly. It felt like I had a concussion but the feeling went away after a few hours. The rest of the times, it just really fucking hurt because my head is crazy sensitive still. For those of you who don't know the story, I suggest you read it here. You won't understand this conversation between Sissi and I otherwise. You probably won't anyways but still.

Rachel: Its crazy to think about
Rachel: But one day
Rachel: I'll be at your wedding (I hereby, invite myself)
Rachel: And one day
Rachel: I'll be at our two year old niece's wedding
Rachel: omg
Sissi: duhh you can be at my wedding!
Sissi: And i hope you can be at her's!
Rachel: I invite myself to that one too lol
Sissi: lol you just like show up and we're all like
Sissi: "Hi?"
Rachel: lol
Rachel: "Hi. omg your dress is so pretty. Where's the bathroom? That was a loooong drive and I have to pee. Okay bye."
Rachel: Why can I see that happening?
Sissi: omfg
Sissi: that sounds very appropriate actually
Sissi: but not at my wedding rachel omfg youre gonna be there for the honey moon too
Sissi: and my husband will be like
Sissi: "hey..... why is she here............."
Sissi: jk thats weird
Rachel: lol
Rachel: I would be like "Sissi..... I love you but................. Can i go? I don't want to witness this."
Sissi: yeah i dont blame you......
Rachel: hahaha
Rachel: "Sissi seriously this is just weird. Okay love you bye. Oh wait, new brother in law dude, behave yourself or I'll let The Big Dog jump on your head. Okay, for real, bye."
Rachel: That's going to be my new threat
Rachel: "I'll let my dog jump on your head"
Rachel: It sucks
Sissi: "i'll jump you. actually my dog will. literally. he will jump on you"
Sissi: "stop laughing he gave me a concussion"
Rachel: yes
Rachel: exactly
Rachel: holy shit
Sissi: hahaha omfg
Sissi: thats one of my favorite concussion stories rach
Rachel: One of?
Rachel: What tops it?
Sissi: umm
Sissi: oh
Sissi: my friend got a concussion by her great danes butt
Sissi: slamming her into a wall
Rachel: She wins
Rachel: I don't know who she is but she can say "I had concussion by dog ass"
Rachel: I can only say "I had concussion by dog"
Sissi: is a donkey's ass
Sissi: would that be
Sissi: ass to the power of two
Sissi: ass squared
Rachel: I don't do math
Rachel: But that makes sense to me
Sissi: hehehe :D
Rachel: "I had a concussion by ass squared"

     If you haven't read or seen the Harry Potter books and movies, just skip this part and go do that. Now. I order you to educate yourself on Harry Potter and not on Twilight. Spoiler alerts ahead. Ashley has been having a Harry Potter marathon and then this happened.

Ashley: you should probably know something
Rachel: What?
Ashley: I am Lord Voldemort..
Rachel: dun dun dunnnnn
Ashley: Beware Mudblood
Rachel: The heir of Slytherin has returned
Ashley: I just want to hug you because you said that
Rachel: lol I had to say it
Rachel: I couldn't not say it
Ashley: It was the proudest moment of my life
Rachel: Prouder than having two kids and a husband and a job that pays a crap load of money?
Ashley: 0.o
Ashley: As Lord Voldemort, it is the proudest moment of my life
Rachel: Yeah, I guess you can't count killing Harry Potter...
Ashley: I am back
Ashley: I will get that hoe
Ashley: Andddd
Ashley: 0.o yuhh
Ashley: I am crying now. Dumbledore just died
Rachel: oh no
Ashley: As Voldemort, this is the happiest moment of my life
Ashley: As Harry Potter, I am devastated
Rachel: Who else are you?
Ashley: lol. Do you realize that question just makes it seem like I am mental. It seems like you are asking "Who else lives inside your head?"
Rachel: lol I am
Ashley: WOOO. Now I am on movie seven part one
Ashley: As snape, I am pretty excited because this is my big moment
Rachel: The moment everyone knows you're a good dude
Ashley: Its my time to shine
Rachel: At least you won't sparkle

P.S. Please vote in the poll Ashley and I are having located at the top right side of the page and please check out my contest if you want to own a carnivorous plant.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas Party

     I went to a Christmas party at work on Monday. I was there for a little over an hour and a half. The following is a list of what happened:

4:00 - Arrive.
4:01 - Listen to my manager say "You made Mr Fix It come! Good job, Rachel. You are not fired today!"
4:02 - Get told to write my name and put it into a thing.
4:04 - Start to get bored already.
4:05 - Get handed a piece of paper and told its for a scavenger hunt.
4:06 - Listen to manager yell at people not to start eating yet.
4:10 - Finally find one thing one the paper.
4:11 - Listen to manager yell at people not to start eating yet.
4:12 - Give up the scavenger hunt.
4:13 - Start texting.
4:14 - Some lady wearing waaaaaay too much perfume says, "HI. I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT I'M GOING TO HUG YOU."
4:15 - Realize that because of the hug, I smelled like her old lady perfume instead of my one.
4:17 - Listen to manager yell at people not to start eating yet.
4:18 - Wonder why I decided to go to the Christmas party at all.
4:19 - Manager gathers everyone to say grace.
4:22 - Actually manage to say grace with people barely laughing inappropriately.
4:23 - People swarm the food.
4:24 - Get coughed near by the owner.
4:25 - Get yelled by the owner at for not eating yet.
4:26 - Go back to texting.
4:28 - Realize that I am hungry.
4:29 - Realize that there's barely any good food left.
4:30 - One of the servers asks me to sit with her, her sister, and a couple people I actually know.
4:31 - Try to sit with them but some old lady took my seat.
4:32 - Get yelled at by the owner for not sitting down fast enough.
4:35 - Eating peacefully with Mr Fix It and two of the cooks he knows.
4:36 - Manager announces its time to open presents and starts drawing names.
4:40 - Two more dudes join us at the four seater table and sit on either side of me so I have no breathing room.
4:50 - Everyone finishes eating and gets distracted, except for one dude (the runner who once told me to scratch his back) and a server who I rarely ever see, who I invited to sit with us because she was as bored as I was... and I didn't want to be alone with the runner.
4:53 - The hostess joins us.
4:54 - The runner disappears and I go to get more soda.
4:55 - I come back to find the runner has taken my seat.
4:56 - He gets up so I try to take my seat back.
4:56 - We fight over the chair. He wins.
4:56 - He drags me around on the other chair and almost makes me fall on my face because he is a jerk.
4:57 - He disappears again and I get my seat back.
5:00 - The hostess disappears and the runner wins one of the presents.
5:01 - He opens it to find a long, zebra printed thing that you put in the microwave for your neck.
5:02 - He starts joking about certain zebra male body parts.
5:03 - I wonder if I can strangle him without getting arrested.
5:04 - I decide that I probably can't so the server and I get our stockings.
5:05 - We both get a bunch of junk food.
5:06 - She's allergic to wheat so she asks who wants her Moon Pie.
5:06 - The runner snatches it up so fast and shoves it in his mouth that we can only stare in shock.
5:06 - He asks to buy my beef jerky from me.
5:06 - I ask him how much money does he have.
5:06 - He discovers he has no money.
5:06 - Become sad that I won't  get money.
5:08 - Recover from sadness and he tells us to watch his "zebra penis" while he goes to the bathroom.
5:08 - Reconsider strangling him.
5:09 - He returns, takes the zebra striped whatever it was, and finally goes away to bug other people.
5:10 - The server and I briefly celebrate.
5:11 - The server goes to the kitchen.
5:12 - Another server sees me sitting alone so he sits down across from me.
5:12 - The server starts drilling me with questions about school, work, and other such things.
5:17 - The server tells me I'm awesome and then leaves because I'm awkward and couldn't hold a conversation.
5:18 - Return to texting.
5:20 - The other server returns and tells me that she's leaving.
5:21 - The server leaves and I become sad.
5:25 - Get tired of people asking for pictures of my outfit so I go to the bathroom to try to get a picture.
5:26 - Realize that the mirror is no where near long enough.
5:27 - Get hugged by the server who asked me to sit with them.
5:30 - Tell Mr Fix It that I'm bored and I'm ready to go whenever he is.
5:31 - One of the cooks is like "HEY RACHEL" and then hugs me.
5:40 - Mr Fix It finally tells everyone good bye so he can take me home.
5:41 - He gets stopped and has to go do things.
5:45 - We go out to the parking lot.
5:46 - One of the servers yells at him for not hugging her.
5:46 - They argue through the car window.
5:46 - He finally hugs the server and she leaves.

      I was getting sick when I went to bed Tuesday and woke up totally sick on Wednesday so I couldn't go to work. I can't decide if its because my hair was wet when I left for the party and it was cold outside or if it was because the owner coughed so much around me. Or because so many people hugged me and they may have been carrying something. Regardless, I was well enough to work today and I can almost talk.

     I'm not sure how, but I actually did have fun while I was at the Christmas party. I was pretty bored a lot of the time but it was worth going. Oh, and for my outfit, Sissi picked it by me sending pictures of clothes to her. It was really cute but I'm not going to take a picture right now.

P.S. Remember to vote in the poll!

P.S. #2 Remember that I'm giving away a venus flytrap later this month!

P.S. #3 Mr Fix It keeps saying that he's sorry for ditching me but he "was trying to make me talk to people because I don't talk enough". I think its hilarious. Obviously, he doesn't know me, because leaving me alone in a crowd of people will not make me talk. It will make me play on my phone.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Who Wants A Carnivorous Plant?

     I haven't had a contest in months so I figured I might as well have one again, since its Christmas time (the time for giving gifts). I'm getting Momma a venus flytrap for Christmas. She has to know because she has to take it out of the box when it arrives. I haven't told her anything else though, so it's okay. But it seemed like it would be a really weird and cool prize/gift to give away.

     If you are interested in winning a carnivorous plant, which is really more like a pet than anything, then you should read the rules. Ashley and I will go over all contest entries and I will announce the winner on Monday, December 31. Don't worry about a "green thumb", or rather, not having one because I will include links to information on how to care for your new plant/pet for the winner.

The Rules:

1) All entries MUST be commented below so that both Ashley and I can see them, and so they don't get lost.

2) You MUST be within the USA. I can't ship anything out of the country because that shit is fucking expensive. (Honestly, it will cost more to ship the plant/pet than it will to buy it, and they really are not expensive at all. You could easily buy one yourself but why would you do that if you have a chance at winning it?)

3) To win the prize, you MUST answer all of these:
What would you name your new pet/plant?
What is the best holiday present you have ever received?
What is the worst holiday present you have ever received?
What is your favorite holiday tradition?
What is the best holiday story you have? It can be funny, sweet, sad... Anything true.

4) You MUST promise to take a picture of your plant/pet and show me either on your blog, email, Twitter... I don't care. I just want to see it when you get it.

The contest is now open.

P.S. In Thursday's post, I said you guys should check out Ashley's post with the (actually entertaining) plot of the entire Twilight Saga. I also asked you to vote in our poll, which you can find on the top right side of the panel thingy. One of the comments I received said that they did not like the idea of "slut-shaming words". Let me just make this clear: We are not slut-shaming. We are not saying its bad to sleep around with people as long as it's legal, consensual, and you're not cheating. Its a word. If you had to pick one to be called, what would you pick? I personally, don't get a give what people do with their bodies and it's none of my business what people do.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Look At My Poll And Ashley's Post

     First of all, Ashley and I have a poll going on, on the right hand side of the little panel thingy. We're having a debate about if people would rather be called a "whore" or a "bitch" and that will be going on until January 20th. Please vote! We've been checking it constantly because we want to know who will win!

     Secondly, I don't care if you like the Twilight saga or not. Personally, I don't. Seriously. I wouldn't even care if people didn't make such a big deal about it. Ashley wrote a post about Twilight and gave a summery of all four books. It will literally take you less than two minutes to read and comments will make her happy. I swear, it's a billion times more entertaining than the book. Please read it.

     Thirdly, I have discovered that I am absolutely horrible at telling people what I want for Christmas, or even knowing. When girls have asked me, I usually just say, "I dunno. Make-up or perfume or something." Wolfy has no idea what to get me and, as I guessed, he's not going to get me make-up or perfume because he's a guy and doesn't know anything about that stuff. But the only stuff I need costs a lot of money so... Yeah. I'm not very good at that.

     And now, I'm going to go eat some barbecue chips, watch some TV, and be impressed that today was incredibly productive.

P.S. I slapped myself awake this morning. My hand was asleep so I started shaking it... then I slapped myself in the face.

P.S. #2 No, Mom, I didn't get another concussion.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Half The People In Town Have Seen My Boobs

     You probably clicked the link on that, hoping that I came up with something totally crazy to get people to read my blog. Well, you would be wrong. Something happened the other day that almost killed me from how embarrassing it was. Since you guys tend to ask about embarrassing stories and I haven't figured out how to cope with this yet, I figured I'd tell ya'll what happened.

     When I went shopping for my work uniform, we found a couple of shirts that I would be allowed to wear but upon actually wearing them, I discovered my arm movement was too restricted. I'm claustrophobic so that made me crazy enough but it was also impossible to put a jacket on without making the sleeves bunch up at my elbows and rub them raw. So, I decided I needed to get a new shirt.

      The only other shirt I found was kind of low cut, but it looked enough like what the other people wear that I didn't really care. After all, I could just wear a t-shirt under it if it were a problem. Since it gets really hot in there and it's not polite to sweat all over peoples' food, I put the shirt on and bent over. I asked Mom, "Can you see anything or is this work safe?" She told me that she didn't see anything.

     I wore that shirt every day I worked (while washing it in the morning, since I hate ironing) and never thought it was a problem. I never gave it a second thought because it's pretty modest when I put it on. A lot of my jobs include bending down to pick up hot trays, or leaning over to either set a table or clean it or pass out food. That sort of thing but Mom had checked the shirt so of course nothing would cause a wardrobe malfunction.

     I noticed that a lot of women had started glaring at me, but I just assumed they were some of the prissy bitches who have never worked a day in their life. We get a lot of people like that and you can tell just by their attitude, so I didn't think too much of it.

    After a week of this, one of the servers pulled me aside after everything had slowed down. He's one of the people that actually comes up to me just to hang out and talk when there's nothing going on, so I thought that he was going to tell me something that happened at one of his tables, like he normally does.


     "When you leaned over earlier, I saw down your shirt."

     Have you ever had a moment when you hear something where your mind literally goes blank and then you're filled with this overwhelming embarrassment and horror? Well, that was me. Before I could even respond, the expo (the guy who puts the food on the trays for the servers/runners) called me over and told me that I needed to do something, which I sort of did in a daze because I was in shock. When I had finished, the server waved me over into the togo area where he was rolling silverware.

     "Are you mad at me?"

     I was confused by that. Honestly, I can't blame him if he saw down my shirt. I was the one who bent over. Accidents happen and I know that. "Um, no? Why?"

     "Because your face got really red."

     Well, no shit Sherlock. You would blush too if you were in my position. "That's because I'm embarrassed! If I flashed you, how many tables have I flashed? I lean over in front of guests all the time!"

     "You've flashed me like three or four times today. I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I didn't want to embarrass you or make you think that I was trying to look or anything and I didn't want to just yell it. Don't be embarrassed though. I'm in my late 20's. Its not like I've never seen it before."

     I kind of just ran away and tried to occupy myself with anything else, but we kept walking passed each other while we were doing sidework so that made it beyond awkward. Not only that, but I had to continue to lean over so I had to hold my shirt to my chest so I wouldn't flash anyone else. I did manage to thank him for telling me, since I would have never known otherwise.

     After that, I left with Mr Fix-It and he asked me what was wrong, so I explained everything to him. He told me, "Oh, I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to make you think I was looking and you tell your mom and your mom and I would have a problem. You're a nice girl. You're a good girl. I don't want to cause problems."

     Moral of the story: Mother fucker, if you can see my boobs or any part of me that shouldn't be seen, fucking tell me.

P.S. The server really was nice about it and today at work, he acted like nothing happened. I still can't look him in the eye though.

P.S. #2 Ashley and I are having a debate. If you had to be called with a "bitch" or a "hoe", which would you prefer? Don't vote here. I'm putting a poll up on the side of my blog that will stay up until January 10th. I won't say which of us said what so it won't be biased, but go vote in the poll!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Stupid Things...And Sunsets

     It's been a while since I had a blog of random pictures, so here ya go. Some of these were sent to me, so I'm not going to take all of the credit for these. A lot of them are just random sunrises that I saw, when we were going home.

Random candy that my mom bought me. The ring lights up.

Um, duh?

Um, also duh?

Never would've guessed...

Found those when I bought my boots. They were very furry.

As furry as they were, they really were comfy. Just not comfy enough to ever wear again. Ever.

On the way home.

Still on the way home.

Still on the way home.

Momma bought car magnates for the fridge. The one on the bottom is now missing.

Found those at the gas station. Used to get them all the time when Mom worked at the zoo.

My feet when we went bowling.

I can't remember what it said but it was really stupid.

I wish I could remember what it said.

Yes, Sissi, they do. It's called dirt.

Found that in the gas station window. Almost died laughing.

Sunset at the outdoor mall.

On the way home.

Still going home.

Stiiill going home.

Eventually, we got home, but we were still driving.

We were almost home, I think.

We pulled over and trespassed so I could get this picture.

If we were going to trespass, I was going to get more than one picture.

Had to make it worth it.

After that, we got home.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Conversations #3

     Honestly, I would have used this for NaBloPoMo if it wasn't prewritten. I don't really want to use a prewritten post but I'm exhausted and I haven't been feeling that great. Plus, I've been saving some of these since August. So please enjoy funny conversations while I try to blink enough to get a little scrubby soap bead thingy out of my fucking eye.

When I sent Brother his birthday post (linked below), this is what happened.
Brother: omg
Brother: this is amazing
Brother: and thoroughly hilarious
Brother: what if we got a picture of us together and my head was cut out of the frame because I am so tall
Brother: that would be the funniest shit ever
Rachel: I'm glad you like it so much x3
Rachel: But yes, that would be the funniest shit ever
Rachel: I WANT that to happen
Brother: and then we'd be like "we have to retake this photo so brother's in it"
*next photo*
*Just my head and perhaps sissi and sis's hair*
Rachel: And then I'd be like "Wow okay don't include me at all" and I'd have to sit on your shoulders or something
Brother: *next photo*
Caption: This is us dragging Brother into the emergency room after he fell backwards and hit his head
Rachel: I'm literally crying now
Brother: xD
Rachel: so many laughter tears
Brother: gross
Rachel: You think everything is gross
Brother: yes I do
Rachel: What about pie?
Brother: I like some kinds of pie
Rachel: I'm still giggling
Brother: pie is a very serious subject
Rachel: I know Brother
Rachel: I'm sorry
Rachel: But you have to understand
Rachel: I am so not socially acceptable
Rachel: Or politically correct
Brother: oh yeah
Brother: I forgot

I was telling Brother about how I'm going to start studying the menu I was given for the restaurant I'm going to be working at.
Rachel: I'm going to start studying the menu tomorrow so that I can go through my training easily.
Brother: yay
Rachel: I think it would be easier to learn if I made the shit but I'm not cooking Italin food lolol I ain't got time for that homemade from scratch shit
Brother: lol
Brother: you almost went full gangster there
Rachel: lol Almost. I'm still learning from the master. (you, except when you say thanks)
Brother: th-
Brother: oh
Brother: shit
Rachel: Good save
Brother: th
Brother: oh
Brother: fuck you
Rachel: no fuck you

Just a random conversation between my friend Emily and myself.
Rachel: I just gagged on my sandwich.
Emily: Sorry.
Rachel: On the bright side, my stomach and every other organ food goes through must be REALLY FUCKING PRESERVED AND HEALTHY.
Emily: hahahahahahahahahahahahha
-awkward moment where nobody knows what to say-
Emily: I have to go to bed.

Pretty self explanatory.
Rachel: I'm watching Young Guns on tv and they changed "fucking" to "farking"
Rachel: It makes me giggle
Sissi: lol
Sissi: fark
Sissi: you
Rachel: OMG
Rachel: I LOVE YOU
Sissi: i love you too hahaha
Rachel: But Sissi
Rachel: fark
Rachel: you

I got a text from a number I didn't recognize, that woke me up. Then I had this conversation. I automatically assumed it was Momma, trying to play a joke on me.
Stranger: Wake uppp
Stranger: Do it do it do it
Me: Who is this?
Stranger: Somebody really really cool
Me: You have to prove how cool you are. A name would be a good start.
Stranger: Voldermort
Me: You misspelled Voldemort
Stranger: I'm so cool it doesn't matter ^.^
Me: Mercedes
Mercedes: Yes?

Wolfy and I were trying to get each other to answer a question first but we were both refusing. Then this happened..
Me: Stubborn
Wolfy: Yes you are
Me: Smartass
Wolfy: Yes I know you are. What about it?
Me: lol
Wolfy: I'm such a smartass
Me: No shit
Wolfy: Cat shit? Dog shit? Rabbit shit? Oh you mean bull shit lol
Me: lol
Wolfy: You're laughing aren't you?
Me: I might be
Wolfy: Thats a yes

Friday, November 30, 2012

NaBloPoMo Is Over

     I'm done with the challenge. I had to write a post every single day for the entire month of November and I have done that! It's a little shocking, actually. I took on the challenge while starting a new job and recovering from a concussion, so I thought I would fail by the second week. I almost failed on the second day, when I forgot to post until an hour before midnight.

     There were a lot of days, where I really struggled with what to say. I went from posting twice a week, to posting seven days a week for an entire month. It wasn't as easy as I thought it might be but it was still fun. It was a real challenge, which is probably one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much.

     Anti Bullying Week fell right in the middle of November, but I was putting off writing those posts because of how emotional they were, so I didn't really cheat on the challenge. Even if I would have had to, I would have posted prewritten posts during that week, since it's a really important topic. Luckily, I put important things off so I was able to just write them up on the write day (with the research I had previously done).

     Now that NaBloPoMo is over, I'm actually kind of sad. As difficult as it was at some points, this was really a lot of fun. I'm going to miss it and I totally plan on taking part in it again next November. In April, there is an A-Z Challenge that I just found out about, that I also plan on taking part in. The goal of that is to write a post every day, except Sundays, according to the alphabet. (A for __; B for __)

     Until then, unless I find out about another blogging challenge, I'll go back to posting every Monday and Thursday, with possible guest posts on Saturdays. It'll be a lot easier to post so much less but I'm really going to miss the challenge, so if anyone wants to challenge me to do something, feel free to do so.

     As for my rowmates (or romies), from Yeah Write during this, I'm really sorry if I haven't kept up with the comments on your blogs. I really haven't had time to go to so many blogs and leave comments. But! I'm going to be checking out every blog that has commented on mine and there is about a 99% chance that I'll end up following you. I just need some time to get around to everyone on my list.

     I guess I'll see ya'll on Monday.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Somebody Asked Me Questions

     That somebody was Brett Minor of The Transformed Non-Conformist. He wrote a post inviting all of his readers to ask him questions. In my crap-tastic post yesterday, I invited my readers to do the same thing since I am seriously struggling with what to write about (the offer still stands- I'm out of topics to write about). Brett stopped by and asked me two questions that I thought I would answer tonight.

"What makes you laugh? Every one's sense of humor is unique, so tell us what you find to be funny?"

     I actually tend to laugh a lot. I like laughing. Despite that, I don't really know what makes me laugh and I can't really describe my sense of humor, so I guess I can just name a few things that I can think of.

     Honestly, going back to read a lot of my old posts makes me laugh. It makes me thinks of all the stupid shit that Momma and I have gotten ourselves into. I don't even find the posts themselves that funny- It's the memories that make me laugh, I guess.

     My boyfriend, Wolfy. He probably makes me laugh the most out of anyone. Most of the time when we're talking, we're just being smartasses to each other. Even more often, he's trying to make me laugh because he says it's his job to keep me happy.

     Sissi and Brother have a lot of inside jokes with me that never fail to make me start laughing. It's mainly just stupid things that nobody would even understand, so I'm not going to bother explaining, but they deserve to be on this list.

     Jeff Dunham. I'm not a big fan of comedians or anything like that, but he is just fucking hilarious. I watched one of his shows with an old friend of mine, while we were laying on her bed. Her stepmom came running and told us to change the channel so we did. I laughed so hard that I had to run to the bathroom so I wouldn't pee myself and I almost fell off the bed several times.

     Ironic things and puns almost always make me laugh. Most of the time, it's at some sort of ironic thing that nobody else understand so everyone looks at me like I've lost my mind. As for puns, most people don't think they're funny. I was at Red Lobster with Sissi last year and she picked up her crab and had me pull her jacket sleeve over her hand. She said, "I'm feeling a little.....crabby." And I almost died.

     Children and animals. I'm not talking about brats that  punch their parents (which I saw at the restaurant, by the way). I'm talking about cute adorable little kids that are just cute and silly. A grandma at the restaurant was holding her grandson and he reached out for me so I offered my hand and he gave me a highfive, which made me laugh. When animals are playing and being cute, but being good, they made me laugh. My animals do that a lot because they're kind of weirdos.

     Jenna Marbles, Allie Brosh, and basically everyone else listed on my page of blogs that I read make me laugh. I love reading blogs that make me laugh (though, Jenna Marbles makes videos instead). Chances are, if I follow you (whether now or later), you have made me laugh at one point or another. Either that or I just think you're awesome so you win either way.

     A lot of times, when I fall, I laugh unreasonably hard. Once, I was playing with The Big Dog (back when he was about 30 pounds) and an old dog we had. One of them moved behind me and the other jumped on me. I lost balance, fell over the other one, and laughed so hard that my mom wanted to take me to the emergency room because she thought I had a concussion. I laughed for about ten minutes. (I didn't laugh when I actually did get a concussion.)

"Also, what makes you cry? There are some obvious things that bring tears to most peoples eyes, so I am not talking about the death of a family member or losing a pet. Smaller things that might even be embarrassing. Is there a commercial that brings tears to your eyes or do you choke up at the sight of a new baby?"

     I really don't cry that often, but I do cry easily. It's a weird combination. I don't really know how else to explain it, so I'll list some of those things now too.

     I am extremely sensitive to what Brother, Sissi, and Wolfy say. It's a little pathetic, actually. None of them have ever tried to make me cry and they probably don't even know when they did (um, surprise?). But something stupid can set me off.

     When somebody does something extremely nice for me, I will cry. Brother is the one who got me the plane ticket to go see Sissi last year (for reasons that I can't mention because its not my place). He told me that and I cried my fucking eyes out for about three hours. (I also had to fight tears when I saw her and I cried when I got on the plane to leave.)

     When somebody gives me compliments, I have to fight tears. For example, Kianwi wrote a post for Anti Bullying Week (well, she used the post that originally caught my eye and made me ask her). In the first two paragraphs, she explained what she was doing and she called me sweet and said that I poured my heart into my posts and had done an amazing job. I literally had to stop for a minute so I wouldn't start crying.

     If I'm mad enough, my eyes will start watering and I have to fight back tears. This happens less now than it did a few years ago, but if I'm mad enough, I will end up screaming and crying. Before you think it's a temper tantrum, it's not. It's literally something I cannot control.

     The movie Stand By Me made me cry unreasonably hard. I'm still not sure if its the movie itself or the way it ends or the fact that I was going through a rough patch or what. All I know, is the first time I saw it, I started crying and kind of freaked my mom out because movies don't typically make me cry. It still depresses me when I see it so I don't watch it.

     Math makes me cry. I'm not even kidding, as pathetic as it is. I get so frustrated and angry, that I can't deal with it. I will never be a math teacher, which is pretty obvious.

     Well, I hope I answered your questions, Brett. I wasn't really sure how to go about this. Thank you for giving me something to write about today. If anyone has any questions for me though, just comment some where and I'll use them in a future blog post.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Worst. Post. Ever.

     I can't think of anything to post about today. The only thing that's really happened, is that I've learned I'm getting such crappy hours that either they need to triple my pay or I need to get a second job. Or you guys can totally buy advertisements from me. That would be the best thing ever.

     Meanwhile, the park owner is in town while Mom is claiming that she isn't sick. In the six years she's worked here, she's only been sick once. The owner has never seen her sick. The owner is also a complete asshole who owes her a couple thousand dollars in bonuses because he "never has money". He used to live next door to a celebrity's summer home until he moved across the country and bought a boat last year. I think he can afford it. (Maybe he can buy an advertisement from me and I can just delete this post...)

     Apparently, the owner feels so bad that she's sick, that he's giving her one of her bonuses right away and is treating her nicer than he's ever been. So now she's admitting that she's sick and being all pitiful and pathetic. But she rescued me from a spider last night and drove me to work at the last minute today, so she's probably not on her deathbed.

     Now, I'm going to go finish my dinner, take a shower, and complain about how I don't get to work enough to afford anything to move out.

P.S. Brett Minor is doing something where he wants questions to inspire posts, so you should check it out. And since I have nothing to post tomorrow, you can ask me anything you want so I'll have something to say.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Apparently, I'm Accepting Advertisements Now (For Money)

     If you've checked out my other pages or you've been a reader for a long time, you'll know that I like having guest posts on my blog. I haven't had any in months though (and I guess I can't really accept them during the NaBloPoMo challenge, but that literally ends on this Saturday so let me know if you're interested).

     Last night, I was checking my email and I was surprised when I had two emails from somebody with the title "Do you need a guest post author for your blog?" I clicked on the first one and this is pretty much what I was greeted with:

     As you can see, I have to work tomorrow and Emily's birthday is coming up. I use my phone calender to keep up with things so since my phone is hooked up to it, I get emails too. As you can also see, I got five emails within the first fifty-eight minutes. The last one came after I had sent my reply:

     Honestly, I do like having guest posts because I love seeing what people can come up with. But what they were asking for was nothing more than a free advertisement. Um, no. As of now, I charge $30 a follower but that's subject to change. So if you want an advertisement, feel free to email me about it, but you better be ready to pay me.

     By the way, I haven't heard back from Yasir. That's a little disappointing. I could really use the $750.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Things That Make Work Less Fun

     Before I go any further, I'm going to let you guys know that my mom now has a Twitter (@onebaconlady) and you should follow her since she has no idea what she's doing and there's no telling what she'll say. It's also her first social media site ever. And you should follow my Twitter (@whenalionsleeps) because I'm me and I'm awesome.

     Yesterday, I wrote about things that make working in the restaurant a little more fun. Today, I'm going to talk about things that make my job a little less fun. Well, it's really just one thing in detail. When I'm a hostess, you would not believe how many people ask to change tables before they're sitting down or sometimes even after they've been sitting down. It's rude and it's not okay.

     Let me explain something. The servers add themselves to the list when they arrive. Each server gets a section with a certain amount of tables. You mark off a table on a seating chart when you take the person to that table, going in order of the list of servers to make sure you don't sit them multiple times and so you make sure you get everyone. Its very easy to give somebody too many tables otherwise.

     Of course, if it's Person A's turn and they only have a table that will seat four and Person B has a table that will seat six, when a party of six comes in. You can give seat them at the table for six and then go talk to both people to see who will take it. That means you have to leave the door unattended and other people get irritated. It also means you may not get to them fast enough before Person B takes the table since it's in their section or you may not find them fast enough and they'll be irritated they weren't greeted. And, if the tables are too far apart you're easily forgotten and it makes it hard to get to each other.

     Acceptable ways to request a certain table:
     You can call ahead for a certain table because it has a certain meaning and it will be reserved.
     You can call ahead if you're having more than four people, especially if you have more than six.
     You can ask to sit outside (if the option is available) or to sit inside.
     You can ask for a certain server by name.
     You can ask for a table or booth, if you are injured or have to have a highchair.

     Unacceptable shit to pull on the poor staff (all have happened to me):
     The server takes you to a nice table and all of the sudden, you decide you don't want a table anymore and you want a booth.
     You don't like the room you are put in and ask to go to a certain room five minutes after you've been taken to your table.
     Asking the server instead of the hostess.
     You make a reservation for 10 and then bring 14 people and expect your table to be set up.
     You don't make a reservation and then bring 6+ people and expect there not to be a wait.
     You ask for a booth/table before leaving the hostess station. (That results in the hostess running back to the station, checking to see where they put them and correcting the floor plan, often seating other people, and then trying to track down people to find who will take them.)
     You are a total asshole.
     You're "too close to the kitchen/bathroom/another table/kids and you hate them".

     In summery: You were put at a certain table or booth for a reason. If there was a choice for a booth or a table, it would not be rude to pick, but to just request one after being taken to your table is fucking rude. Shut the fuck up and enjoy your meal.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Things That Make Work More Fun

     I just went through a straight week of pretty depressing posts about bullying (links to all the posts can be found here) so I thought I would share a couple funny things that happened at work, mostly today but also a few weeks ago.

      After one of the big homecoming dances for a school, we had a table of ten teenage girls wearing the tiniest dresses ever made come in. We decided to sit them with one of the male servers who is still in highschool (a different highschool), since it was the only table open and it was his turn anyways. Everyone started making jokes about how he was going to enjoy serving their table.

     He started getting their drink orders when a different girl walked in. She asked to sit in that same guy's section and he just had a table open up. The other hostess looked at her and told her that she had to swear to behave, so the girl promised and then I took her to the seat but I didn't know what was happening.

     About five minutes later, we heard a huge bang that came from the kitchen and then one of the servers came out laughing and told us that somebody dropped a pan of bechamel sauce and it got all over the other server's ass. I thought it was funny but everyone else was laughing a lot harder than I was so they finally thought to tell me, "Not only is he serving a bunch of slutty girls while his girlfriend is here but now they're all staring at his ass."

     Today, I was a hostess again. The day after Thanksgiving, the entire restaurant was decorated with Christmas things too. We have a tree inside and outside. There are huge fake presents under the tree and all around the hostess station. Christmas music has been playing and one song sounds like a dying cat, playing with a donkey in labor, while a chainsaw is spazzing out. I'm not even kidding.

     A lot of people keep making jokes about what present do they get to take home. It was funny the first time and I was just like, "I dunno. I guess you better start checking the name tags." After that another server picked up the biggest empty box and handed it to them and said, "Well you get the biggest present!"

     I held the door for a couple that was leaving and the man was like, "Merry Christmas!" So I was confused since that's a month away and I was like, "Christmas? It's not even December yet!" He laughed and told me, "Well it's just around the corner. Merry Christmas!" Considering Thanksgiving was a lot closer and I'm a little bit of a smartass, especially with the guests, I told him, "Well then Happy Late Thanksgiving!" He walked away giving me a look like I'm the weird one.

     Also today, two old ladies left while I was at the hostess station. I didn't get to the door in time to hold it open so instead, I just told them, "Thank you for coming!" so they looked at me and said, "You too!" While I was trying not to cry from subtly laughing uncontrollably, their server ran passed me and out the door. A couple minutes later, he came back and told me, "They forgot their credit card. I watched them open the book, sign it, and then close it." We then decided that the little old ladies should not be allowed to drive.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Contributors

     This is my last post for Anti Bullying Week 2012. This post is a collection of links that people have sent me since October. These are other people, brave and strong people, who are sharing their stories with the world and are speaking out against bullying. Please, click the links and read what they have to say.

Lori Sizemore- Lori shared her story of struggles with low self-esteem from being teased about weight throughout her life. She also shares a breakthrough that she had, realizing that bullies will always find something to tease you about for the simple fact that they're bullies who will be cruel. You can click here for her blog or here for her Twitter.

Landra Graf- Landra shared her story of being of a family without money as a child and being bullied throughout her elementary school years, to the point she lost part of herself in highschool. She admitted that at first, she wasn't going to write the post, but I'm incredibly happy that she did. You can click here for her blog.

Kianwi - Kianwi shared her story of what it was like to be singled out for purely superficial reasons, while living in another country. Though she wasn't actually bullied, they treated her so differently, that it was as though they worshiped her. Instead of accepting her, they saw her appearance. It really could have been a lot different- She could have been treated in the exact opposite away. You can click here for her blog or here for her Twitter.

Ashley - Ashley shared her story of being bullied into transferring schools, self harm, being admitted to hospitals, and even attempting suicide. Her story shows the snowball effect of what one person can cause. If she had succeeded, my wonderful friend would not be here today to share her story of what she went through for far too long. You can click here for her blog.

Mercedes - Mercedes shared her story by explaining different types of bullying and even some things that people think as normal, are really just bullying. She also shares what its like to be different and be judged for it, and how much it can hurt. You can click here for her blog.

Alexandra Founda - Alex shared her story on a blog that she made just for this project. She talks about how being bullied as a child, by basically everyone, almost killed her. Eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, stealing... She did it all, in an effort to make people love her after they tormented her. You can click here for her blog, though she probably won't write other posts.

     I'm hoping that next year, I'll have an even bigger turn out. All of you are invited to join next year, whether you're reusing a post from this year or you're going to write a new one, whether you participated or not. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that these six people joined in there year.

     If you want to read my posts you can click here
Part One- Bullying statistics and the things it can cause.
Part Two- An exorcise that shows some examples of what it's like to be bullied.
Part Three- A list of celebrities, royalty, and presidents who were bullied and some of their stories.
Part Four- Part one of my story of being bullied.
Part Four and a Half- The second part of my story of being bullied.

**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Friday, November 23, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Four And A Half

     This marks the last of my personal posts for Anti Bullying Week, the second half of my story. Tomorrow, as promised, I will post any links you email me ( with full credit given in a post and on a new page. Trust me, I know how scary it is to speak up, but it's better to speak up and potentially help somebody than not.

     Like yesterday, there are a few things I would like to make clear before continuing on. I do not want sympathy, pity, or anything like that. If you feel bad, then write a post and email me the link to it. That is the only kind of sympathy I will accept. I'm not doing this to gain attention for me. I want attention about bullying and the victims. I just want to help somebody.

     In yesterday's post, I explained that I have blocked memories and sometimes things will trigger them, and that is basically never a good thing. I talked about how people would make comments to me, and others, about my skin condition and how insanely self conscious I am of it. I talked about how even the person you think is your best friend can actually be a bully. I talked about the hell it was, having a group of kids harass me at school every day and try to make me relive one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a kid. I talked about how it affected my emotions so badly, I would start fights with my mom because I was sure she would eventually hate me anyways. I talked about how an old friend saved me, but I failed to stick up for a boy and last I heard, he was a recovering drug addict. And finally, I talked a small bit about how my dad screamed and cursed at me until I cried for an hour for not telling him that Mom and I moved, when she had full custody and he was overseas.

     Before I go on to talk about seventh grade, where the time frame would pick up, I'm going to talk a little bit more about my family. Families can be some of the worst bullies there are. Anyone who has read my blog since September, should know that I do not have a good relationship with my dad. I never have and I've come to accept the fact that I never will.

     My dad was in and out of the country a lot, for various reasons I can't post here. I understand that and I know that's not entirely his fault, so he couldn't be present for everything. I don't blame him for that. What I'm talking about, is how he lived two hours away and always promised to visit but never did. What I'm talking about, is how when we lived with him, I would beg him to play games with me or watch TV with me or just talk to me. He would yell at me and usually send me out of the room to entertain myself, if he didn't straight out pretend I didn't exist.

     When I was in school, he would randomly ask for report cards and I would proudly tell him that I was on the A honor roll or the A-B honor roll. My name was in the newspaper a couple of times, along with other students, because of our high grades. I got an 84 in math one time, when I was in fourth or fifth grade. He yelled at me so bad, for "getting a bad grade" and "not doing good enough" that I stressed myself out every time he wanted to know my grades. That made it harder to keep my grades up.

     Nothing I've ever done has been good enough and I don't think I'll ever do anything good enough to please him. I spent seventeen years of my life trying to make my dad happy and make him give a damn. All he's ever done is push me around and tell me it's not good enough. Then throw in an "I love you" or an expensive present or something to make sure I won't stop talking to him.

     His mom used to be somebody I was insanely close to when I was a little kid. She was always trying to do the right thing to make my mom happy so that I would be allowed to visit. Then my dad got transferred and she stopped trying. So did my dad's dad. I talk to them on the phone maybe three or four times a year. I haven't visited it about a year and a half. I used to try but they never tried to do anything to help.

     No, instead, they would make the visits to their house hell. Memaw made dinner one night and after eating, I took my plate to the kitchen. They don't buy tissue so when my nose started running, I went to the bathroom and even left the door open. I was gone less than a minute. Memaw pulled me aside and demanded to know if I had just thrown up my food on purpose because I was "too skinny".

     About a year later, I wasn't hungry one hour after eating a big breakfast and she accused me of being anorexic, in front of my entire family. That same trip to her house, I was having a bad week with the psoriasis and sometimes, with the skin getting so dry on my face it will cause it to become too oily and I'll get a zit or two. Every person on the planet gets them. It sucks but it's not a crime. Apparently, she thought it was, because she let the thirty something people in the nail salon know that my face wasn't perfect.

     She's yelled about how I shouldn't dye my hair because my natural hair color is too pretty. She hadn't seen me in a year to even know what my natural hair color was anymore, since it had darkened up so much. Two hours later, she sat with me on the couch and started playing with my hair and telling me it was pretty. She yelled about me dying my hair again later.

     I could go on for a while about all of the things that she's said, done, and accused me of, but I'm going to finish with this last one and then move on. For those of you who don't know me, I am nineteen years old and I've been dating my first boyfriend since the middle of July. Please note the words 'first boyfriend'.

     I have never hidden the fact that I refused to date because I would not lower my standards. If somebody asked me why I wouldn't date, I would tell them exactly why. Most people encouraged me. Of course, my family (outside of Mom) didn't believe me and they would ask me several times a visit, just to be sure I was telling the truth.

     When I turned about fifteen, Memaw asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. She asked why. I told her why. This is what she told me, "Well, one day you're going to meet a boy who's just so cute that you're going to think you're in love with him and your just going to drop your panties for him. Make sure you use protection." If that's not a subtle way to call somebody a whore, I don't know what is. She has done that at least once a visit every time I've got to see them since then, even in front of my little cousin and Pawpaw.

     That probably all just sounds like family drama and trouble. Technically, you're right. What you have to understand is that it literally does not matter who is bullying who, it is still bullying. There is no way around that fact. Memaw isn't the only one in my family who has treated me like that but she's the most blunt about it, so it's the easiest to give examples on. Think about it this way: If a stranger told you those things, it would be bullying, so why would it only be considered family trouble if somebody you share DNA with said the exact same thing?

     Now we're going to pick back up at seventh grade. Even though we stayed in the same state, we moved about an hour away because of my mom's dad and stepmother. They could probably have their own post, just like Memaw could, but I'm not even going to go into that because I have to sleep at some point in the near future. They're the ones who moved us to the city, even though I finally had a school where, even if  I didn't fit in, I had friends and I wasn't being harassed every day.

     I started school and that was where it all went to hell. From then on, people would talk about me behind my back and to my face, people would shove me against the lockers or walls, and trip me while I was walking. I was pushed on the stairs, which I was on roughly six times a day between classes. Thank goodness I never fell more than two or three steps.

     I was grabbed and smacked in the ass. I only ever caught one person who did it. The entire cafeteria heard me completely lose my temper with him. That didn't stop somebody else from doing it- it just made them careful to only do it in crowded hallways so they could disappear.

     My gym locker was broken into and everything was stolen, including my deodorant. The teacher yelled at me and accused me of leaving it unlocked or losing everything in the locker room. She never made an effort to listen to what I had to say. She also used to punish our class for what the class before us would do (she literally told us) and we would have an hour of jumping jacks, push ups, and sit ups without a break.

     The reading teacher was probably the worst. Every time she had something bad to say about a student, I was always the one she looked at. She literally told the class, "Don't trust the school councilors. They'll tell everything to the rich kids." She looked right at me and from then on, people though I was a gossip and a snitch, so things just got worse. I have never been rich in my life and I have yet to know who the councilor was for me to have ever spoken to him or her.

     I was absent one day and didn't have time to read the entire short story plus write the essay, but she wouldn't allow me to take it home. I read all except the last page, which had three paragraphs on it. I wrote the essay and finished it as the bell was ringing. Because I didn't include one sentence about the last page, she gave me a 64 on it and a 64 of the report card. I was the only one in the advanced reading class who could read and I was the only one she failed.

     Things were so bad in that school, that I would come home with new bruises basically every day that I went. I ended up with horrible stomachaches that were so bad, I wouldn't be able to move at all. I was in and out of the ER. They had me do all sorts of tests and scans and x-rays but nothing was physically wrong. The school was so bad, that I had incapacitating stomachaches.

     So I left. Winter break came and I just never went back. Considering my advanced English class was the only class where I was actually passing (with an A, if can point out, to prove that I am not stupid when it comes to reading), I wouldn't have been allowed to go to eighth grade anyways.

     The only homeschool system in my city was connected with that school. I would still have to go in for testing. We couldn't even find the building until the summer came and they weren't accepting anyone to enroll. Not only that, but we couldn't afford a few hundred dollars for books, and nothing could make me go back to the school.

     Even the school cop tried to keep me out. He came to check on me after I had been 'absent' for three weeks. He never came inside like he was supposed to. He knew who I was and he did his best to watch out for me in school, but he couldn't just escort me. So he told the school that I wasn't home and couldn't be found.

     I was literally bullied out of school in the seventh grade. I'm in an online highschool now. That means, in order to get my diploma, I have to skip two years of knowledge (not that I was learning in seventh grade, if I may point out) and go straight into subjects that I wasn't ever taught about. We've already paid way too much money for me to just go get a GED and we can't afford a tutor, so I haven't done any school work in about a year. If I hadn't been bullied in school so badly, I wouldn't have the problem of going on twenty years old and not having any sort of diploma.

     I haven't stepped foot in that school since the day I just stopped going. I never even planned it. It just sort of happened but there are three possible outcomes at the rate it was going: I would have failed and had to repeat the school year. I could have been jumped and probably had the shit beat out of me. I could have been killed. That was going on six years ago and every time we go by the school, I still remember and feel everything as if I'm supposed to get up and go to class tomorrow morning.

     I'm lucky enough that I got out of the school before I was seriously physically hurt, but they did a lot of emotional and mental damage. I haven't gone to see a therapist, but I can tell you right now that I've suffered with depression for years. I don't really know how long. I've wanted to hurt myself and I've wanted to kill myself so that I could make it all stop.

     The lowest part was about two years ago when I was on the edge of doing something drastic every single day. Things have gotten much better, yes, but there are still hard days. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in over a year, give or take a few months since I didn't exactly write down the date, but I'm terrified they'll come back. I'm finally learning what it's like to be happy and what it's like to have people who actually give a damn about me, but I don't think I will ever get rid of the fear that it'll just go away and I'll be bullied and hurt again.

     I'm lucky enough that I survived, not only being bullied, but the depression that came with it. I found my real family, my Sissi and my Brother, and my Sis when she's not being a hermit. I have amazing friends- some of whom will be sharing their own stories tomorrow. I have my mom and I actually understand that now. And I have an amazing boyfriend who understands that my emotions are fucking insane and has made it his personal goal to keep me happy.

     Not everyone is that lucky. Stand up for somebody, write a post, just do something to make a difference and help people who are being bullied. Nobody deserves it. I wouldn't even wish it on the ones who bullied me.

**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Anti Bullying Week 2012: Part Four

     This entire week, my posts have been split into parts, each with a different topic about bullying. Today and tomorrow, my posts will be split up again. I guess you could call it part four and part four and a half, because my story is too long to put into one post.

     Honestly, I am scared shitless about posting this. I don't like talking about it. I don't like thinking about it. It's just a really scary and hard topic to discuss with anyone and now I'm putting it out there for the entire world to see (or at least, my 23 readers). If you don't want to write a post and open up because of that, trust me, I completely understand, but the best way to make a difference is to talk about it. If you do want to write a post, and I encourage you to, please please please email me the links at so that I can post the links with full credit on a new post and page on Saturday.

     Before I go any further, I would just like to state that I'm not doing this for sympathy or attention for myself and I really don't want pity or sorrow or anything like that. The best thing you can do, if you want to make me feel better, is to write a post and let me link up with it so we can potentially help more people. That's all I want out of this.

     I don't even remember a lot of my childhood. I have a lot of blocked memories and sometimes things will trigger them. Things can get pretty bad when that happens. My emotions are at their worst when my mind starts to wander, especially if I've had a bad day or if something happened to make me start thinking about it.

     I've mentioned before, in older posts, that I have psoriasis. That's a skin condition where your body makes too many skin cells so they over lap and become very dry and irritated. I don't even have it that bad. It's on my scalp, so my hair hides it. On bad days, it'll try to go on my ears and my face. My left ear had a piercing in the cartilage when I was thirteen. Skin over grew it in one night, about a month after I got it, and it got infection so it was removed.

     When I was little, we didn't know what it was. We didn't know that lotion, certain soaps, or my nails scrubbing my scalp could keep it under control. This was long before I discovered hair dye. My face was always dry because we just didn't know what to do and I never gave it a second thought until people started saying things. I was probably only in pre-k when I first remember it but it continued until I was in fourth grade.

     "What's that stuff on your face?" "Ew, you have something on your face." "Don't you wash your face? What is that stuff?"

     Every. Single. Day.

     The worst part was, it wasn't just kids that would say things like that. Teenagers would ask me if they were with their little siblings. Parents would ask me. Even staff may have asked me, but I can't be sure about that. What I did know, was that they were adults. I even had hair salons turn me away when I was in elementary school because they thought I would give it to their customers or something.

     Eventually, a doctor told me what it was and to use certain medicated shampoos. I actually became immune to them. I would use about two or three bottles and then they would just stop working and it would all start right back up. My 'cousins' used to love playing with hair and they would beg me to play with my hair when I was little, because it was such an unusual blond, but I was literally ashamed to tell them because of all of the verbal abuse. To this day, they think it was because my scalp was too sensitive and the brush would hurt me, even though I absolutely love people playing with my hair.

     Now, I scrub my face with a soap that has little beads in it with wash rags, so people won't see it. A lot of times, that causes my face to look red or pink. I'm already really pale so that's easy enough to notice. If I see a little patch of dry skin after applying part of my make up, I have to repeat the process and that makes the redness worse. Wanna guess who comments on it? Everyone. I use my nails to scrub my scalp and then overload conditioner, which I let sit for at least five minutes. Sometimes, there's still a little 'dandruff'. Wanna guess who comments on it? Everyone who sees it.

     You're probably thinking that it's just a medical condition and I shouldn't be ashamed or self conscious because I can't help it. I'm fully aware of that. But I can't help it. If I'm having a bad day with it, that's all I can think about. Last night, at work, the manager tried to tell me I had an eyelash on my face and I freaked out because I thought I had noticeable dry skin there.

     Moving on to a different subject, friends can be as big of bullies as the best you scream at every day. I used to have a friend like that. We met in the fourth grade and were only friends until a couple weeks into fifth grade, when I made a real friend and I finally understood that I didn't have to be treated like crap by somebody who was supposed to care.

     This story is actually really unpleasant to talk about even though its far from the worst thing to happen and I'm going to say this now: If you actually know me, don't bring it up. Just don't. This is the only time I plan on talking about it.

     In fourth grade, I had a crush on a kid in my class. I decided to tell my friend during a field trip when we were allowed to talk, because that's what I thought you were supposed to do. Within five minutes, she had told somebody else, who then went and told the boy's friends, who then literally screamed it for the entire fourth grade (roughly 120 students, plus staff) to hear. That was how he found out. He never spoke to me again and wouldn't even be caught dead on the same side of the classroom as me.

     At the end of the school year, the girl and I were still friends. To this day, I don't know why. I guess it was she was the only person who didn't shun me after that, even though she caused it. Her family would take me to church on Sundays so she called me to talk about it the day before. I never saw the movie The Ring until I was fifteen or sixteen. I never knew about the "You will die in seven days" quote until school started back up. While we were on the phone, she went dead silent in the middle of a conversation. When I asked if she was still there, she whispered it and sort of deepened her voice so I couldn't tell it was her. Then she hung up. I literally thought I was going to die seven days later.

     The first day of fifth grade, in science class, we had to fill out work sheets in a group of two or three students that you didn't know. It was basically to help you make friends by getting to know each other. You had to write your name, your favorite song, your favorite movie, that sort of thing. The teacher partnered me with a girl I had never met. Every time I answered a question, she would scoff because I didn't like the same movies as her. To be likable, in her book, I had to love romance movies, rap music, and leaning over so that my bra could be seen by everyone in the room (I'm not kidding. She did that.). That was the start.

     The entire year, that girl had two girls she was friends with and three boys. They made it their personal goal to harass me. I never once saw them harassing anyone else. If they could say something nasty about me, they said it. If they could tell on me for something, they would, whether I had done it or not. They would follow my two or three friends and I around during recess, so maybe they could over hear some sort of rumor to spread, since that was their biggest weapon.

     They even tried to make me relive what happened in fourth grade, since one of the girls was there when it happened. In math class (you won't believe this, but that was my favorite class that year, because I loved my teacher- only time I ever enjoyed math), the boys started calling my name and whistling at me and if I turned around, they would wink or blow a kiss or things like that. We had free time at the end of the class so the girls ganged up on me and demanded to know which boy I liked and when I said I didn't like any of them, they demanded to know if I was a lesbian.

     I literally went home crying every night because of everything they did to me. They had me convinced that I was ugly, that I was stupid, that I would never be good enough, that nobody loved me or cared what happened to me. My emotions were so out of control, that things almost got physical with my mom because of my actions, the only person who wanted to comfort me. If everyone else wanted to hurt me and thought badly, surely she would too. It would only be a matter of time before she would have turned on me too and it would be easier to just be a bitch so it wouldn't hurt as much.

     Sixth grade involved moving to a new state, where I live now. I met a friend, who to this day, I honestly believe saved my life because I was going downhill so fast. A lot of people in that school thought of me as an outcast but people weren't usually straight out mean, at least not to me. I watched one really sweet kid get bullied because he was gay. I ran into him when I was sixteen and he was a recovering drug addict because of what the kids put him though. I never stood up for him, even though I wasn't mean to him, and I regret it to this day. Maybe I could have helped him like my friend saved me.

     Many of you know that I do not have a good relationship with my dad. He didn't know we moved because we were still getting settled in. He was overseas and my mom had full custody anyways, so he didn't get a say. He found out we moved, called on the cell phone, and started screaming at me to the point my mom heard things clearly through the phone. He called me a liar, accused me of not loving him, threatened to have me taken away from Mom, threatened to have her put in jail. Lots of foul words were involved. I cried for an hour. My dad finally decided to pay attention to me and even he was bullying me.

     This is where I end the first part of this post. The second will be up tomorrow. A lot of you may think that what I went through wasn't bullying or wasn't that bad. Things could have been a lot worse and they did get worse. The thing is, even words can hurt you so deeply that you'll never get over it. Don't point out somebody's flaw. Give them a fucking compliment instead. Don't try to make them relive something horrible or make them go through something bad instead. Stand up for the kid who's being bullied so they don't end up doing something that could ruin their lives.

**Due to news stories talking about people going overboard, trying to stop bulling, I feel the need to put a disclaimer here. I do NOT encourage, endorse, or support anyone doing anything illegal, harmful, criminal, violent, or dangerous activity. This is about stopping people from being hurt. This is NOT about hurting anyone in any way, shape, or form. Any links involving anyone going over the top and handling things inappropriately will not be posted on my blog, Twitter, or anywhere else by myself. If I find a link that involves anything inappropriate, I will delete it, and if possible, I will report it. Also, I am not an expert on this matter. I have included the links to the sources I got my information from and give full credit to whoever did the actual research, that I am using here.**