Thursday, February 21, 2013

I'm Moving But Not Like I Was Supposed To

     I haven't talked about it in a long time. Last year, when I started the babysitting job, I was putting all of my money into a trailer next door to my mom's for me to live in. The deal was that if I fixed it up, I would have free rent and only have to pay water, electric, and other bills like that. Thats because the trailer was in such bad condition, a few thousand dollars went into it.

     However, my bosses from that babysitting job decided to screw me over by saying, "Oh we'll see you next week!" and never calling me again. It took me so long to find a new job, that I already had a feeling that I wasn't going to be able to finish the trailer and be able to move into it like I wanted to. When I did get the job, I soon learned that there was no way I would be able to afford it because I'm making a lot less money than I need.

     Finding a second job hasn't been working out too well. I've had to stop looking until after I get back from Wolfy's in April, because if I do get a job, I can't exactly say, "Thanks for hiring me at the beginning of March, by the way I need nine days off in April" and expect to still have a job. After I get back, I'll keep trying to find another job, but I decided it was time to just stop with the trailer.

     I've had the job since October and they keep cutting my hours instead of giving me more, except for Valentine's week. When I get back from my boyfriend's, I also plan on asking them to finally train me as a server. The only reason I haven't, is because on slow nights I usually make more than the servers. Things seemed to have been picking up lately so maybe it'll work in my favor.

     The trailer Mom and I live in now is crap. Her dad is to blame. When he moved it here, he literally broke everything he touched. Including but not limited to, the pipes, the electric, the front door, the back screen door, a window, and the TV antenna. We've never tried to use the gas stove for two reasons: Gas is expensive and he touched it so we're literally scared it would blow up.

     Mom has been wanting to move for a long time but until recently, she was under a contract with him to stay here so she wasn't able to. I decided to offer her a deal. She takes the trailer I was fixing up and finishes working on it, then we both move into it. She loaned me a lot of money and I put a lot of money into it that I don't want to lose. She'll take out what I owe her and then pay me the remainder that I spent, after we move in and in payments if that's what she needs to do.

     It was only designed to be a one bedroom after I started working with it, but I'm usually home alone anyways when I actually do get to sleep. The other room is just too small to have a bed and anything else in it (which would mean just a bed, no place for my clothes or anything and that would not work out at all).

    Basically, by moving over there with her, I'm becoming the "screw college, I'm going to write my blog and blast music loud enough to mess up my ears more than they are, while sleeping on my parent's couch rent free" person. Except that I actually do have a plan to move out and do something productive with my life.

     If all goes as planned, when I get a second job, I'll be able to actually move out. Maybe closer to where I work, since its a 20-30 minute drive, depending on traffic. Sometimes its longer. Its on one of the most dangerous streets in the city I live in, so there are a lot of wrecks and that makes it hard to be on time sometimes. There is also a good chance I'll be moving in with my boyfriend by that point. It depends on how long it takes, where I end up working, and whats going on in my life.

     We've already started getting things done next door. A new porch has been built since this winter sort of killed (rotted) the old one. Things are being done inside. I worked Wednesday through last Sunday, and helped Mom clean Monday and Tuesday, then I worked yesterday too so I haven't been able to do that much. Today was my first day to relax and I think I would have punched anyone who told me otherwise.

     By the looks of it, we'll be over there before or around the time I go on my trip. Instead of taking probably another year for me, even if I get a second job right after I get back in April. (Thats not to say Mom has a lot of money because lol why would she live in a trailer if she had money? It means that she's starting off with a lot more than I was.)

     So, that's the newest update in my life. What's going on with ya'll?

Monday, February 18, 2013

Mindy McCready

     To be honest, I had absolutely no idea who she was until last night. A bunch of people on Facebook (by people, I mean country singers I 'liked' one day when I got super bored) started posting about how she died and well wishes for her family and that sort of stuff. I asked Momma if she knew who she was, and she got really upset, because Mindy was so talented.

     Mom wanted to know how she died, so I started going through the comments to see what I could find out. She killed herself. I told Mom and the more I read, the worse the comments seemed to be on Facebook. It wasn't just comments about "Rest in peace" or things that should be said. It was comments about "Oh, she was a druggie, she deserves it" and "I hope her kids actually get a stable caretaker now".

     I'm sorry, but what?

     This woman just killed herself. First of all, bullying and attacking somebody for any reason is just wrong. Secondly, can you have some sort of respect for the dead woman? The woman who suffered so much throughout her life that there are three previous suicide attempts that I found just by going to Google.

     Mindy's boyfriend beat and choked her so bad in 2005 that he was arrested for attempted murder. They broke up, she tried to kill herself, she got back together with him, he got her pregnant, and she tried to kill herself by overdosing on her antidepressants, but by some miracle she was able to give birth to her oldest son. All within one year. Can you imagine the stress that the press would have caused her?

     Let me explain something for somebody who might call her stupid for going back... When you're in an abusive relationship, especially when you're depressed, you truly believe that you deserve it and you don't think you're strong enough to escape. It's about fear and how you're so controlled, you don't think you can or deserve to escape. That's why most abuse victims (not just women, mind you) stay in abusive situations and that's probably why she went back. That is not her fault. That is his fault.

     In 2008, she tried to kill herself again. In 2010, she was hospitalized for a possible drug overdose from medicine that her mother may have given her. Later in 2010, a video she made with an ex-boyfriend was sold by some video company. I'm unsure if she sold it herself or if somebody found it and sold it. It seems to be the latter of the two. In 2012, she had her second son. Last month, her baby's father was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The same man that she called her "soulmate". Just over a month later, she was found dead. Since 2004, she was in and out of jail for different things, which mostly seem drug or alcohol related.

     Does that sound like she ever got the help that she needed? Does that sound like she deserved it? It doesn't matter if she did drugs. If you're addicted to anything, and you can be addicted to anything, you cannot just stop when you want. You can go to rehab a million times but if you don't get the help you need, or if somebody is pushing you to give in to the addiction, or if you get hurt so badly you feel like you'll never be okay again, you can still go right back to it.

     Do I approve of drugs? No. I don't. But you know what? Its none of our business what somebody does, unless they are your friend or family. In which case, all you can do is try to get them help and support them through overcoming the addiction. One of the worst things you can do is saying "oh they deserved whatever they got because they did something bad."

     You've done bad things in your life too. Everybody has. Chances are, you don't have magazines and TV reports and millions of people saying you're a horrible person because you did something wrong. That's probably one thing that celebrities don't realize they're getting themselves into, but that's not their fault. If you insult them, especially if you seek them out to tell them, its your fault. And you know what? If you've done that, you deserve to be in their place for a day to see what its like to have so many people attacking you.

     You don't know what its like to be in somebody else's shoes. They may look like the happiest person in the world, but they could be dying on the inside. One little comment could push them over the edge. One negative comment could be the death of them. That's no different than pulling the trigger yourself. Even if they aren't dying on the inside, one little comment could put them in that place or be enough to kill them right then.

     And this whole thing about attacking somebody who's already dead? "Oh, it won't hurt anyone, they're not alive to see it lol". Wrong. Their family is alive. Their friends are alive. Don't you think they're already hurting enough with the grief of losing somebody they love? Why add to that? Why make it worse for them? So they can end up six feet under right next to the loved one?

     Mindy made mistakes. I won't deny that. But she does not deserve for it to be held against her and for everyone to attack her. She and her family deserve our respect and our well wishes. They deserve to know that somebody actually cares.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

     This is technically posted on the day after Valentine's Day, but that's not entirely my fault. I was at work until almost ten. Then I talked to my boyfriend and ate dinner and whined about how much my back hurts and changed clothes and read other blogs and talked to Brother. (He will be your Valentine if you don't have one but he's underage so nobody that much older than him.)

     I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day.

     I think the idea behind the day is great. Celebrating your love for each other? That's just sweet. For people who celebrate it, it's usually wonderful. Happy times, lots of love, all that sort of sappy stuff. I saw a bunch of old couples celebrating together today and they were just so in love that it was impossible not to see, and caused me to have very girly "ohmygosh they are the cutest thing I have ever seen" moments.

     However, I don't think that you should celebrate it because you "have" to. I don't think that you should shower your Valentine in presents and stuff just because it's Valentine's Day. You should want to do that everyday. Not even just giving the presents, but telling or showing the person that you love them. It doesn't mean a thing if you only do it because you're told to or because you "have" to. It all comes down to if you're celebrating because you want to.

     To clarify, I'm not saying that I'm not celebrating this year or that I won't celebrate. Valentine's Presents will be exchanged, but it won't be until April. That's when Wolfy and I will be together. It's not the day that matters and anyone who is all disappointed that they don't have a Valentine should kind of just get over it. Would you rather have a Valentine for one day or somebody who loves you and lets you know that every day?

     Ohmygosh I think I said something wise and sweet at the same time. I don't even know.

     Here, look at the thingy that Wolfy "shared" on Facebook.

Basically everything I just said in less words.
     Also, can I just say, that it really sucks to work in a restaurant on Valentine's Day? We usually close at 8pm on the weekdays and 9pm on the weekends. We had a line out the door and reservations until 9. We ran out of silverware. It was insane. I now feel as though my shoulder is bruised from carrying trays, my back is crooked from trying to balance it out, and that I may cry because its supposed to be busy tomorrow and Saturday too.

     I'll have another story about work for you soon. Maybe two stories. Depends on if I decide its blog material or not. That means real posts! Not random pictures with me whining about things! Yay!

     And on a random side note, I've decided to actually do something for Lent this year. Lent is basically to give up luxuries in your life for a 40 day time period. Instead, I've decided to give up cursing. I figure giving up something I probably shouldn't do would be a good thing to do until I'm out of bad habits and then I can work on something else.

     Feel free to yell at me if you see me slipping up and cursing. I've already had a dream that I gave it up and dropped F-bombs all over the place without meaning to. Hopefully that doesn't happen.

P.S. Be warned, there is a sappy moment to end this post.
I do love you Wolfy. I can't wait to see you and I hope you had a good Valentine's Day even though today wasn't very Valentines-y since you're a bunch of states away.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Happy Birthday, When A Lion Sleeps!

     I'm almost literally screaming right now. I almost did but then I stopped myself and started squeaking instead. Why? Because my mom is asleep. Also, because I AM SUPER EXCITED AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW OHMYGOSH.


     Cue the party hats, streamers, massive cake, and sodas.

     Please do not suffocate yourself by diving headfirst into the cake.

     (Brother is probably the only person who finds that joke funny. Sorry.)

     I thought I created it in March, so I thought I had a few more days to look up when the first post was. I just looked and my first post was February 9, 2012. It is now February 10, 2013. (By the way, I would not suggest reading that first post. It was bad. Just... don't do it. I would delete it, but it's part of this blog and how it started... no matter how crappy it is.)

     I wasn't really planning on posting anything today, since I post on Mondays and its like 4:19 in the morning right now on a Sunday. (Sorry Momma, I tried to go to bed earlier, but the Dr Pepper I had at work is not allowing that.) But I had to post. Because I'm really excited that I managed to keep this blog for an entire year.

     I don't exactly know how these things are celebrated and I am not feeling very creative right now, since I'm really tired (but not sleepy). So I thought I would set all of my settings to the "All Time" preview and let you see what kind of stats and stuff I've gotten since starting this blog.

     I don't know what ya'll think, but that is crazy and exciting for me. I've also noticed that when I set it to "All Time", I only get the top searches for Keywords. There were a bunch of weird ones but they don't show up because they weren't used enough. Oh well.

     I would like to be able to say that I finally know what I'm doing when I post a blog post, but that's really not that true. I don't really censor myself and I usually just write what pops into my mind, which can really go crazy on topics. I've written happy things, depressing things, way more rants than I probably should have. I always tell myself to stick with happier things, but if I'm not happy when its time to write a post, that really just does not happen.

     Currently, I have twenty-nine followers, excluding my mom, who reads but doesn't actually follow me. I get about three to six comments on every post. Some have obviously gotten more. But I just wanted to thank you all for all of your comments and for following me and for never leaving me bad feedback. I've only ever gotten one negative comment and it wasn't even about what I wrote. The link to that is here. The only negative comment ever on this blog and I've never gotten any emails or Tweets saying my blog sucks or anything. How lucky am I?

     I should probably try to sit still long enough to have a chance at going to sleep since I have to go shopping tomorrow, watch a Harry Potter movie (or two, if there's time), and go to work. But I'm so excited, about this and about that trip in April that I've been talking about, that I don't think I can sleep.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Daycare Details

     I am finally posting the final topic from my contest and announced the winner. Brett Minor had both of his topics written about (link one and link two) and though Kianwi picked two, I only wrote about one until now. When she picked this topic, she said:

"And for the other topic, talk more about the daycare you want to open. Where would it be, what kinds of activities would you do, etc. I'd like to hear your 'vision' of it. :)"

     Well, for those of you who are new to my blog, one thing that I want to do is to open a daycare. I don't agreed with the way a lot of daycares are run. That's coming from a kid's point of view (I was in one for a short time when I was little and did not like it) and from an adult's point of view. I want to open a place where a kid feels safe and where they can get attention that they might not get elsewhere.

     I should probably start of by explaining what I don't like about other daycares. Most daycares are way too crowded. The laws change depending on the type of daycare you want. Either one adult per four to eight kids, depending on the state and age of the kids. Or its one adult per eighteen to twenty-two kids. How can one adult possibly take care of that many kids?

     I know teachers can do it, but you also have to realize that those kids are in their seats, not running around and playing. Recess has several adults, or at least it did when I was a kid, just because its hard to watch so many kids at once. When I was in that daycare, which was "the best daycare" in the city I was in, I saw kids beating the shit out of each other because the adults were too busy with somebody else to notice.

     Mom used to work in one that was part of an actual school and she was the only one who noticed when some kids went to the daycare, drugged to out of their mind, on medicines because they were sick but the parents wanted to work. Her bosses didn't want her to do anything about it. Then a little girl, about two, passed out and an ambulance was called. Her mom, who worked in the daycare, had given her medicine to make her stop crying while she was sick and told the paramedics to just give her an IV there and call it a day. The girl was never allowed to be taken to the hospital.

     I do not want to be put in a position like that. I want to be able to have a smaller daycare so that I can interact with the kids, so I can help them when something is wrong and actually know about it before an ambulance is called. I want to be able to protect the kids from each other. Bullying is so horrible and so many people suffer from it, at school and at home. I want to be able to give them a safe place where they won't constantly feel scared or hurt.

     The daycare wouldn't really be for any specific age group. Well, anything about babies over six months old. Newborns scare the shit out of me. If they can't hold their heads up on their own, I'm terrified to hold them, especially if I'm the only one around.

     Even if they're older kids or maybe were there when they were little or maybe they're looking for something to do for volunteering, or things like that. I wouldn't just be like, "No, you're too old to have a place to go, go away". I need to look into the laws and regulations and stuff, but I would probably have them as volunteers when they get to a certain age (or if I can afford it, I might hire them), so that they can still be somewhere safe.

     I'm not saying it will always be a small daycare. Maybe after a few years pass, I'll have some really trusted friends who I can hire to help me make it bigger. Those would have to be best friends who I would trust with more than my own life, if I want to trust them with kids, but I'm sure I'll have friends like that (I actually already do, they just don't want to open a daycare).

     I honestly don't know where it would be yet. That depends on where I am living, when I can meet all of the requirements to be able to open it. It would be a good sized building, with a nice yard so that they can go outside. A kitchen, enough room for them to play, lots of books, their art work hanging up on the walls.

     Too many places let kids just sit around and watch movies or even play on the computer or with other electronics. I'm not saying thats bad, but its not good for them to do all day. I would focus more on simple art projects, reading, having them tell stories, group games (especially ones that teach lessons, like the game Telephone), things like that. More planning clearly needs to go into this but I am hoping to get a job at a daycare around here to get more experience than just babysitting. I do know that movies would be kept until the end of the day, when things are winding down, so that they can relax and be calm when its time to leave.

     One thing I would be really specific about would be any meals that I would be providing. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have snacks or eat unhealthy food, but I've seen school food. In one school, the brownies were literally wet when they were passed out and the rumor "they were soaked in cat piss" was going around, probably because of the smell, and their taco salad gave me (and several others) food poisoning. In another school, hotdogs were green and my friend's brother found a tooth in his food (I don't remember what he was eating). In most schools (and I went to... six schools, I think, with all the moving I went to one twice), I could take a thick handful of paper towels and put them on the food and they would come up dripping with grease and other gross things. In every school, the milk was hot, which is not only gross but dangerous.

     Even if it would cost a little more, it would all be healthy food. Like, "green" food. It will be healthy fruits and vegetables and lean meats and such. I'm not going to feed them some stuff that could be replaced with dog crap without anyone noticing. Yes, there will be allowed to be cupcakes or cookies or something for snacks, but not in an unhealthy amount. And they would most certainly not be served something that would potentially poison them.

     Something I've noticed is that parents expect schools to give their kids certain lesson while the schools expect the parents to do it. Like, how to behave yourself in public, how to deal with animals, how to treat other people, that bullying is wrong, etc. Then in daycares, the kids typically run wild and do whatever they want, which is usually acting out because they don't get a lot of attention from their parents. Thats not to say its always the case, but honestly, it is a lot of the time. It's not fair to the kids.

     I guess this was mainly about what I would like to accomplish with the daycare. Without having a budget yet, I can't really decide exactly what I'm going to do down to the last details. I know what my goals are and what I want to do, so I'll find a way to do it, but I also know that I am not prepared for it yet. Look at the list of stuff I have to do just to open it with all the legal regulations. Plus I have to be more specific about what kind of games would be played and things like that.

     I know I have a lot of work cut out for me. It's going to be a long time before I can do any of this. That's okay though. One day, I will open the daycare and do what I want to do. Until then, I ask that anyone reading this respects that it is my choice and my dream to open a daycare where kids can feel safe, and that I do not want to go to college to be something that will not make me happy later in life.

P.S. Telephone is the game where kids sit in a row and the teacher passes a message to the first kid. Then they whisper it to the second, all the way down to the last, who says it out loud for everyone to hear. It's to teach that gossiping and passing messages can change what it was to begin with.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Happy Times!

     A couple months ago, I had a contest and told Brett Minor and Kianwi that they could each pick two topics for me to write about, since Bryan from A Beer For The Shower won. Brett already had one of his topics posted and Kianwi had one of her topics posted. That was a lot of links, sorry. Today, I'm tackling Brett's second topic:

"I have your second post decided. What was your happiest time? Whether it be a particular day or an entire summer, what was it and what made it so great?"

     I have wanted to post about this for a while. I really do love this topic. But, I have been thinking about it for a couple weeks and I cannot figure out what my happiest time is. I have a lot of amazing memories that made me happy, and still make me happy, and I just cannot pick one. So, these are some of my happiest times, in no particular order.

1) In January of 2011, something crappy with Sissi and she called me crying. I was on Skype with Brother, so I asked him to look up plane ticket prices from my state to her's so that I could go see her and do something to make her stop crying. The plane ticket was well over $500 and there was no way I would be able to get that money until sometime in 2012. Brother then popped in with, "I'll pay for it." Just the offer made both Sissi and I cry because it was so sweet. We told him no and there was a long drawn out process, but eventually he said his dad had a lot of frequent flier miles that he was going to give to me and basically just told me to shut up and take them. There was more crying, but it wasn't sad tears. Just the fact that, for the first time in my life, I had somebody willing to do something that big is what really gets to me.

2) In March of 2011, I got to go to Sissi's house for her spring break. I got to see her, my niece, her mom, her sister, my niece's mom, their two dogs, and one of their cats. At one point her sister's friend came to stay with them. The only male in that house was one of the dogs, which I think it pretty funny. We talked about everything, we went shopping during major sales, we watched some of our favorite movies, we ate a bunch of food, I drank all their juice, we played with our niece, we made bracelets, we Skyped with Brother almost every night, we did the tango in the middle of a store and had a sword fight with PCP pipes in another. Basically, that entire week was amazing. We still talk about it all the time. It's probably one of the happiest weeks that I've ever had.

3) In June of 2011, Sis was driving from her state to go through my state. She was with her father, her sister, and her autistic brother who is absolutely adorable. They weren't going through my town but they were only going to be about two hours away, so we decided that we should meet halfway and have dinner. Thanks to bad directions and me not being listened to, we ended up being super late so we didn't get to have that much time together. But, we still had a lot of fun. In a very short amount of time, we managed to take a bunch of pictures and even a couple videos. Since it was pretty spur of the moment, we didn't tell anyone until we were together and we stole each other's phones to text Brother and Sissi. I still find that hilarious and it was just a really good day, especially since I didn't think it would actually get to work out.

4) Last year, Wolfy told me that he loved me. I, being a dumbass, thought that he was actually joking about it. Things worked out and then in July, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Both of which are happy things, for pretty obvious reasons. In April, as I previously mentioned, I'm going to go see him for nine days. I thought about just waiting for this post until after I got back because I know that I'm going to include that visit into this list. However, I decided that I'll probably have too much to say and will turn into about ten different posts of things that happen. But you'll have to wait for the details about anything; I'm just putting it here now because we all know that I'm going to have an amazing time.

     I have a lot more happy memories, but when somebody asks me about it, these are the ones that really stand out the most as my happiest times. Ashley also wants me to go see her sometime after I go see Wolfy, so I'm sure that will make it onto the list as well. Eventually, when we're all super rich, Brother and Sissi and Sis and I all want to take a vacation together, which will probably end up on that list too.

     I'm noticing a little bit of a theme. Any time I get to see somebody that I love makes me incredibly happy and makes it one of my best memories. This list is going to get a lot longer, and there are a million other happy things I could say, but I think this post is sappy enough and I need to get to work on finishing up the research for Kianwi's post so I can post about it before I actually open the daycare I'm supposed to be writing about.

     What's your happiest memory? (And I expect an answer, damnit. This is not one of those end of blog questions that you can avoid. You have to answer.)