Thursday, February 20, 2014

Is My Mother A Cougar? The Great Debate Of 2014

    Before I even get started on the explination to this blog title, I want to congratulate my boyfriend on getting a promotion. I honestly believe that nobody deserved it more than he did and I'm really proud of him for working so hard to get it.

     In other important news, if you haven't already signed the petition explained on this post, please check it out. A lot of servers desperately need the bill over turned before March 12th. (You can probably guess I'm still posting from my phone.)

     Now, my mom and I have a debate going on. One that I'm am going to have too much fun arguing. To vote, simply comment below. The most votes by March 1st will decide the winner. To cast your vote, to make sure it is perfectly clear for both of us, simply write "Cougar" or "Not cougar" though you can also add whatever the fuck you want.

     Why do I believe my mother is a cougar? Well, does anyone remember Mr Fix-It? The guy we hired to fix the trailer we moved into, who then also worked for her in the office but also got me the restaurant job? He was my ride and my friend until he decided we were no longer friends because he decided I wasn't a good enough friend or something? Well, he's 23.

     As I found out this week, he is also now my Mother's boyfriend.

     I will give you a list of reasons that I believe she should be considered a cougar, followed up by her argument. I would like to state that this is a friendly (ie: fucking hilarious) situation for me. As long as he treats her right, I don't care if they date. If he treats her badly, I will Lorena Bobbit him with a blowtorch. I have hit every single one of her boyfriends before and I am not scared to do it again. I have teased her about all of her boyfriends. This one just happens to be the most fun to tease her about.

Rachel's Argument

1) My mother is 40 and her boyfriend is 23, leaving a 17 year age difference.

2) My boyfriend is 27 and I am 20, which while 7 years can be considered a lot, is not the point. My Mother's boyfriend is only 3 years older than me and 4 years younger than my own boyfriend.

3) If Mr Fix-It and I had gone to highschool, we would have been in the same school for two years (assuming neither of us flunked out).

4) My mother was driving, drinking, and smoking (albiet, illegally) before her boyfriend was born.

5) Between my mom being 17 and 26, when her boyfriend was not yet born and 9, my mom met, married, and divorced my father.

     In conclusion, I believe my mother is a cougar because of the large age difference between her and her boyfriend. They are in a relationship, but may I point out Demi Moore was called a cougar for being married to Ashton Kutcher because of their age difference of 16 years?

Rachel's Mom's Argument:

     My mom had me look up the definition of a "cougar" so I will post the pictures below and follow up with her argument.

     After reading the definition, she said this:

     "I did not pursue him, he pursued me. He started having feelings for me last summer and this is not about sex. He's a relationship man. He doesn't just go around having flings and neither do I. Cougars only hunt men for sex. We've been together a few months. We're in a relationship. See what I'm getting at here?"

The Vote:

     Like I said earlier, you can post whatever you want. But be aware that if you have an insulting comment, I will just use your bullying ass as an example on Unity Day. You can explain why you side with one of us and not the other, you can Google the definition for yourself, and you can look at pictures of cougar animals. But to vote, either say "Cougar" or "Not Cougar" so that there are no disagreements on who voted for what. To keep things fair, anonymous comments have been disabled, my mom, Mr Fix-It, Wolfy, and I are not allowed to vote, and we are not asking people to vote for us specifically (only to vote in general).

     I have an alarm on my phone set for March 1st so we'll see who the winner is then!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I Need Your Help

     I'm making a reappearance today for a reason that I think is pretty important. I want everyone who reads this blog to help me out with a petition I learned about last night. It does require making an account but even from my phone, it took less than five minutes, and it's for something that I find important.

     "Just get to the point and tell us what's so important already, damn."

     Earlier this year, a bill was passed that changed the automatic gratuity for large parties in restaurants. Instead of it being counted as a tip, it's now counted as a wage. Restaurant owners will have to either get rid of the auto grat or pay taxes and do paperwork, like they would a paycheck. If a restaurant owner won't even pay a server more than $2.13 an hour or pay a runner, busser, or host an average check (but instead takes it from the servers' tips), how many restaurants do you think will actually be willing to keep the auto grat? Few to none.

     "So? They'll gt tipped by what the party deems fit."

     If they get tipped at all, you mean.

     One thing that I'll never do, even if the service is absolutely horrible, is stiff somebody on a tip. It's not just that servers need that money to pay bills and buy food. Servers have to pay taxes from their tips and they have to tipout as much as 15% of their sales. Let me give you an example of what happened to me, on a party of two.

     It was an old man in a wheelchair and his grandson. They sat at table 92. They joked with me about languages because it was an Italian restaurant, which is a language I know nothin of. We talked about traveling and the old man's visits to Europe. Their food came out on time. Their glasses stayed full. I spent most of my time focusing on that table because while they weren't very needy, they were chatty as hell. They stayed for two, maybe three hours, on a busy night so that I couldn't turn that table and get more tips. Did I mind? No, actually. They were super nice and their bill was up to $99.64 so I was really hoping for the 20% tip of $20. The old man even asked me to push his wheelchair to the bathroom, which I did, despite how heavy an overweight grown man in a wheelchair is. Finally, they were willing to pay. I saw at least six different $100 bills in his wallet and a couple $20's. He paid in a single $100 and I took it to my manager, who determined that it was real. As always, instead of asking if they wanted change, I brought back their 36¢. They are gone. There was no other tip. The rest of my section watched the busboy and I tear the table apart looking for it.

     "At least they left something. Your service probably sucked."

     Well, if you thought that, you need to stick to fast food or eat at home because servers hate you. I lost money on that table. I still had to pay my restaurant's tipout based on the bill, of 2.5%. So I had to pay $2.50 on that table alone. Not to mention the taxes, which I won't even go into, because that is too much math for me. I literally paid to spend a few hours of my life serving a table.

     "Okay, I can see how that's unfair. But that probably doesn't happen very often."

     I beg to differ. I would like you to keep in mind that I earned tips that were 20% and more on the daily basis. Towards the end of my time working there, I had three tables one night and walked away with $75. However, I have also been stiffed completely. I have waited on parties of 5-6 people who ate their body weight in bread and lemonade they made at the table, but still ended up with $100 bills, then they left me $5. I've had $5 tips on people who stay for four hours hogging a table so that I can't turn it. Even on parties, I have made less than $20 because everyone ordered the cheapest thing on the menu and 20% was $2 each for 15 people, which I had to split with another server. I've had entire parties happy and the one person who is footing the bill complain about each and every little thing, so the only way I'd get a tip was the auto grat. And finally, my friend had a party of 12 people who spend over $200 in food, claimed that they saw a roach on the wall, and despite being sooo disgusted, they wanted their food to go and ordered dessert. They didn't have to pay a damn thing. He was counting on that money to help get him back home from a move.

     In conclusion, for every generous person out there, there are a shitton of greedy assholes who don't want to tip. Auto grat is supposed to protect servers from those people. If a big party is all a server gets one night and they don't tip, the server will literally be paying to spend hours of their life at work. Unless its a noble cause for charity, name one job where you pay to work.

     "Shut up already and tell me where to sign. You're bumming me out with that rant."

     Good. I'm glad we see things eye to eye. To sign the petition, all you need to do is go here:  I'm on my phone so I can't link it to the word "here". But I typed this from my phone. All of it. That is how important this is to me.

     I don't encourage you to share my post because I don't want a cheap way to get readers. However, I do strongly encourage anyone who signs this petition to write their own post, share the link on Facebook, Twitter, whatever you can think of. This bill needs to be overturned or I have friends that won't be able to make ends meet. If you have a server for a friend, then there's a damn good chance they'll be struggling too.