Saturday, April 30, 2016

Z is for Zip

     At least I'm ending the challenge with a hell of a story. Let me tell you about how I almost accidentally killed a guy today.

     As I was walking to the bank, I was up on a large sidewalk and next to a busy street. I heard wheels and a man call out, "I'm coming up behind you right now!"

     There wasn't much room to pass by and it's harder to do on any form of wheels than walking, so my automatic reaction was to move to the right so he would have more space to zip on by. It sounded like he was going pretty fast anyways.

     I took one step left and heard him swear. By the time my brain registered what that meant, his skateboard crashed directly into my ankle. (Let's pause to say a prayer of thanks that I chose to wore boots instead of flats.)

     Then I saw him do a fucking flip over and he landed on the sidewalk with his head about three inches from a concrete planter. His board went the other way, right into oncoming traffic and an SUV had to swerve to miss it.

     He was more concerned about me considering I was directly hit but besides a sore ankle, I'm totally fine. I was more concerned about him considering he did a mid air flip and almost cracked his head open.

     He shook my hand and said he was fine, everything was okay, and accepted my large amount of apologies.

     I'm still sorry Mr Skateboard Dude Sir.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Y is for Yikes

     I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST. But I didn't. So yay.

     Also, my boss scared me today.

     She said she was leaving through the back door and when I went back five minutes later, I just heard rustling and walking. Like that dumbass in a horror movie, I yelled out "Hello???"

     There are rumors my store is haunted but my biggest concern is a psycho creeping into the back room where we can't be seen and don't have cameras.

     No, it was my boss, and she was actually leaving. She just had to pee first.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

X is for X Words

     I know this is cheating but fuck this letter. I hated you in algebra and I hate you in the alphabet. Asshole.

     I've literally been googling words that start with X just so I can come up with a topic to write about and it hasn't helped at all because I don't know what any of these are.

     Like, what the fuck is this shit?

     X, GTFO.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

W is for Warnings

     Do you know how there are warnings for everything?

     "Caution- Coffee is hot!"

     "Warning- Using hair dryer while in the shower may cause electrocution!"

     "Be careful- Superman costume does not enable you to fly!"

     I've come across some things that I didn't see any warnings for that startled the hell out of me.

     When drinking green Gatorade (at least after throwing up all day and not really having anything else in your system), there's a chance your pee will turn green. (Thank you Gatorade for inspiring this post about fifteen minutes ago.)

     In some states, it is very easy to accidentally end up common law married. (Congrats to you-know-who. Sorry I didn't send a present.)

     And finally, should your store be next to a photography studio that often has laughing children, there's a very high chance your staff will hear laughing children with no children in sight...and they will be convinced the store is haunted. (In a year, I've had about ten girls approach me about it. To be honest, I might make my own warning sign because I'm tired of repeating myself.)

     I'm not even gonna apologize for this. Blame Gatorade and the green pee.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

V is for Vomit

     Guess what I was doing all morning?

     Yeah, I'm not doing so well right now.

     I wish you all the best and hope that whatever the fuck I have doesn't attack you through the computer.

     If you'll excuse me, I'm off to drink more water, Gatorade, and Sprite.

     (In related news, I've finally found a type of Gatorade that I actually like!)

Monday, April 25, 2016

U is for Understanding

     Working in retail, I've learned that there is more than one way to be able to communicate and understand each other. Of course, speaking the same language helps quite a bit, but that's not the only way.

     I often have people who don't speak other languages come shop. In my store, they have to ask us for a size for us to get from the back room. They can't just pick up a box and bring it to the counter, unless I've brought that box to them. We have to be able to communicate.

     Since I'm the only one who's not bilungual, my boss was talking to be specifically. He said, "Knowing some small things like numbers and colors can help, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is smiling and being welcoming because they'll feel more comfortable coming up to you to begin with. Be their friend without speaking their language."

     And he got me thinking about why it's so hard for people to understand the simplest things. Even in the same language.

      And then it hit me.

     Not everyone is willing to smile and be welcoming to other people. They won't try to make you more comfortable so that you can understand each other. And those are the people I want to avoid.

     Make friends with the people who smile. Make friends with the people who listen. Make friends with the people who try to make you feel welcomed in and comfortable. Because those are the ones who will understand you.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

T is for Things

     Have you ever stopped and wondered what things you actually care about? If you were stranded on an island, what would you have?

     Every time somebody asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas, I never know what to tell them.

     I've come to realize that I don't care about items. I'm very sentimental and once you give it to me, I'll love it forever, but I don't want anyone to go and spend money on me.

     I would rather we create memories together. Spend time together, get some food, take a ton of stupid selfies.

     Life is supposed to be fun, not spent wondering when you can get more things that'll you'll never even use.

Friday, April 22, 2016

S is for Sunburn

     Eight days ago, I went to the zoo with my boyfriend and didn't wear sunscreen because I couldn't find the brand I'm not allergic too. Then I couldn't treat the burn with aloe vera because that's what I'm allergic to in most sunscreens. A friend told me about this burn spray (which kind of smells bad) and it worked so well that she stopped using aloe to use the spray instead. The only other treatment I did was taking a luke warm bath with baking soda to help pull out the heat.

Thursday Night: (no treatment yet)

Friday Morning: (one treatment)

Saturday Morning: (two treatments)

Saturday Night: (just got out of the shower, about thirty seconds after third treatment)

Sunday Evening: (still three treatments)

Monday Night: (four treatments)

Tuesday Night: (still four treatments and directly after a hot shower)

Miracle Spray:

Always read the directions first.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

R is for Rest In Peace

     After yesterday, I have some explaining to do.

     Around 11:30 am yesterday, my mom called me while I was at work. I don't make or take personal calls while on the clock unless it's important.

     My step-great-grandfather on her side had just passed. We didn't know him well so we are not really grieving, but we are still saddened.

     My great-grandma has late stage Alzeheimers and Great-Grandpa wanted to be alive to see her cared her in a good home, have her will come true, and be sure her wish of donating her body to science came to be. He never wished death on her but he simply wanted to be sure that her last days, despite having an awful illness, were spent being cared for.

     My Grandma and Grandpa now have to make arrangements for Great-Grandma. She will be in wonderful hands because you could not ask for more loving people. But the fact is, it's horribly sad. It's kind of a shock as well. We knew he wasn't very healthy but we never knew how bad it really was.

     Around 7:30 pm, my mom contacted me again, while I was at home. We had a neighbor where we lived/she worked for about 7 or 8 years. I only met him a few times and he was a very lonely man, but always nice. He also passed.

     I don't know if he has any family. If he did, I'm not sure that they were close. He seemed to be more content alone, which is perfectly fine, but I would hate for him to be forgotten.

     Thank you to everyone who reached out to me, especially Mama Janie. I'm okay. It's just a lot to take in all at once and I'm trying to figure out how to best support my family and best honor the memory of two kind people.

     If you could, I'd like to ask again for good thoughts/vibes/prayers for everyone involved.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Q is for Quiet

     I've had a very long day. A very emotional day. I'll write more about it tomorrow so please stay tuned for that.

     Right now, I need quiet. I need to rest my heart and my mind. I need to rest my body since I'll be working a lot of over time by the end of the week.

     But mostly, I ask that you take a moment of silence for everyone we've lost recently and everyone going through a bad time. Please send your good thoughts/vibes/prayers to those who need it.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

P is for Perry

     I met a good friend on Twitter. His name is Perry and I think he might actually be me.

     We both love chocolate and all the sugary things.

     We both love pun based humor.

     We're both fucking blind.

     We're both so easily done with your shit.

     But he's Australian, a boy, and also actually much nicer than I am. Because we all know I'm kind of an asshole.

     If you're looking for a nice twitter then you can drop by and tell him hello @pezzanator1 (and if you send him a pun based joke, I think you could be great friends).

     But for real, he's a really good person with a heart of gold, who has both seen some shit and helped me through some shit. 

Monday, April 18, 2016

O is for Organization

     Lately, I've been trying to get everything around me more organized so that my head might feel the same way. I feel overwhelmed and like my thoughts are all over the place so I've been trying to figure out the best way to calm that down.

     At work, my coworker has been organizing the front of the store so that things are easier to find for us and things we don't use often are out of the way. She's found two full shelves and completely cleared them so far. She also started with the sale room so that we now have much more floor but it's not quite as organized. Mostly things are just boxed up.

     I started on the rest of the back room on Saturday. I rearranged a lot of heavy boxes and labeled everything so we know what's going on. I'm also going to make a personal to do list for myself to check every day so I don't get home and think, "Fuck! I forgot xyz!" (Note to self: Make bank trips more often.)

     At home... It's a struggle. I've gotten my closet organized again. (By style and color). But beyond that, I don't know where to begin.

     I have to early days off this week. Who has some killer tips that'll help me get my living space more organized without making me lose my mind? I actually quite like organizing when I get a consistent thing going on, but I'm not sure how to do that with several different rooms.

     Also, my biggest problem is time management. I work 6 days a week and the hours vary but normally it's mid shifts Monday and Tuesday, opening shifts Wednesday and Thursday, and 7-9 hour shifts Friday and Saturday (usually either closing or almost closing).

Saturday, April 16, 2016

N is for Nope

     I went to the zoo with my boyfriend yesterday and I think my most said walked was NOPE.

     While getting slightly lost on a desert path:

Boyfriend: Do you see all these little holes?
Me: Yeah?
Bf: Avoid those.
Me: Why?
Bf: Scorpions and tarantulas.
Bf: Do you see the slightly bigger holes?
Me: ...Yes.
Bf: Snakes.

     A little while later, when we found the bug cages:

Boyfriend: OH COOL! Look at this tarantula's stripes!
Me: Nope. I'm good over here.
Bf: But it's so cool!
Me: Nope.
Bf: Just come look!

     A little while later when we found the reptile cages:

Boyfriend: So you hate spiders but you're okay with snakes? Weren't you noping snakes back on the trail?
Me: Yes, but boas aren't poisonous and this one is in a cage, so as long as it doesn't Harry Potter me, I'm good.
Me to the boa: Please don't Harry Potter me.
Boa: (turns his head to me)
Me: Bro. Nope. 
Boa: (lifts his head up)
Me: I said nope. Stop that.
Boa: (turns his head away from me, which I assume is his nope)
Me: Nope, bitch, nope. Pipe the fuck down. I am done with your bullshit.

     Turns out a wild snake got somewhere in the zoo and was chilling in a tree, just noping all the humans, and this woman caused about 10 people to panic and run. No staff around and we didn't see any for about 40 minutes so we couldn't alert them since we weren't even sure where this snake was supposed to be.

     I am now noping all about my sunburn. (Guess what my S post is.)

Friday, April 15, 2016

M is for My Momma's Cookbook


     I accidentally named the cook book when I started Tweeting with the hashtag #buymymommascookbook. It just kind of stuck after that, so it's not really an interesting story on how it got its name.


     We now have an instagram where you can see some pictures of some items that will be in the book. If you wanted to check that out, it's @mymommascookbook and then the email for cook book only things is (If you need to email me personally, it's so please make sure you're emailing the right place.)

     The book will be out by the end of this year. We aren't announcing exactly when yet, purely because we aren't sure. There's been a lot of shit happening behind the scenes that has made it difficult on all ends. I was personally hoping for her birthday, but I highly doubt that will happen, so I won't say when that is.

     The plan, as of now, is that when the book is finally edited, we will hold a contest. The prize will be a free copy of the book and maybe something like an Amazon gift card or some other thing, we haven't decided yet, that will start during a cover reveal and will end on the actual release date.

     We also need about ten more bloggers to receive a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. If you've already volunteered, feel free to remind me, but I do have all the comments saved from the original announcement.

     And! We will be holding multiple contests after the book is released, for various prizes! Some ideas we have come up with are best recreation of one of the dishes, most creative recreation, or best comments on specific things. All will be revealed when the time comes, but it's time to get hyped up because that time is coming pretty fast.

     I cannot wait.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

L is for Lies

     One thing I'm accused of is lying, which is ironic, considering that's the one thing I don't do. But the most ironic part is I'm never accused of lying from the weird ass stories I have about my life. I'm accused of lying when I tell somebody how much I love them.

     If I say you're beautiful, I mean it. Just because you don't see your beauty doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't see it.

     If I say you're kind, I mean it. You may think you're just being a decent person, but your heart is made of gold and the fact that you're trying to make other people feel comfortable is amazing.

     If I say I'm jealous of something about you, I mean it. I spent years of my life not admitting when I was jealous and instead I would be angry, so now I try my best to own up to it and respect that you have something that I don't, because that's perfectly fine.

     If I say I'm worried about you, I mean it. Do you honestly think I'm gonna pretend I care and then just abandon you? No bitch. If I'm worried, it's because I can't stand the thought of losing you.

     If I say I won't judge you, I mean it. You can tell me literally anything and I won't judge you. I may not agree with your decision but I'll respect it and stand by you, no matter what.

     If I say I love you, I mean it. I've learned to stop wasting time saying I love people just to keep the peace. And let me tell you, it is hard to get to the place where I love you with my whole heart. But my God, I love you.

     Dedicated to Momma, my boyfriend, Blog Mama, Princess Jillian, and Megan.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

K is for Kids

     Today, I witnessed a 6-7 year old girl have the biggest melt down I have ever witnessed in my store.

     She was screaming, yelling, crying, begging, pleading, running around, jumping, throwing shit, and even slapped her younger brother across the face.

      All because she wanted M&M's.

     I witnessed four other kids who all started trashing my store and running around like it was a play ground, two who left their parent in the store across the way when the oldest was five and the youngest was in a stroller, and upwards of five screaming kids throughout the mall. Just today alone.

     Like, I understand parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world and I respect anyone who chooses to raise a child. However, if you're letting your kid destroy everything in sight, ruin other people's experience, or generally cause a scene, then I have no respect for you.

      My mom would have dragged me out of that store so fast and sat my ass in a corner until I lost my mind from boredom. She never tolerated me to be a shithead and I'm a much better person today because of it.

     You don't have to spank your child, but my God, at least speak up and tell them when even Satan's kids are better behaved than they are.

Monday, April 11, 2016

J is for Jokes

     I've posted before about how I really don't care about politics and I don't know enough to choose a good president, so I won't vote, but I do know enough to spot a bad president.

     I thought Donald Trump running for president was a joke and that he would never actually get any momentum. Turns out, I didn't realize just how much of the country chooses to hate and use violence because some rich bully says it's okay.

      His wife once stated he raped her and later retracted it because he told her to.

      In interviews, he doesn't even answer the questions and will straight out insult anyone (especially women) if it seems like they don't agree with him.

      Nobody knows what his plan is, besides that he wants to make Mexico pay for a wall.

      Countries all over the world have petitions to have him banned, which means that there will be no treaties with them should he win.

      He may be a business man, but he's also cold hearted, cruel, self serving, racist, and sexist.

      Please don't let this joke continue. I'm begging you to do real research before voting and to end a joke that has gone on far too long.

      I'm legitimately scared for the sake of not just my country, but the world, because I truly believe he would cause a Third World War. 

      (Not sure why autocorrect capitalized that. Oh well.)

I is for Igloos

     When I was a kid, I was ALWAYS cold. Always. Because my mom would turn the a/c down super low until I could swear I was turning blue and freezing to death.

     I used to say she was an eskimo who lived in an igloo and that she should move up north where all the snow is.

     Meanwhile, she would say anything above 75 degrees was stupidly hot and that it was going to make her sweat to death.


     Well now she has premature menopause and is wearing a jacket in 80 degree weather, while I suddenly find 80 degrees stupidly hot.

     Fate, what the heck though? Why'd you flip those tables?

Saturday, April 9, 2016

H is for Headache

     On Thursday, I had a migraine.

     On Thursday night, I was wrestling with my boyfriend and ended up banging the back of my head on his elbow.

     On Friday, I started feeling the symptoms of a minor concussion.

     It's almost Saturday and I don't feel like writing a post at all. 

     Hope everyone is okay.

P.S. I'm okay. It's very minor. But I do have a headache so please keep your voices down. Any screaming kids or barking dogs will be asked to leave.

Friday, April 8, 2016

G is for Good Things

     With all the negativity going on in my brain right now, I thought it might be useful to make a list of some of the things that are good in my life.

     My boyfriend and I have a big date planned for next week. It'll be the first big date since moving here, even though we've had a bunch of tiny dates.

     My hamster is still alive, which makes me very proud. He is huge though. Twice the size of a normal hamster, apparently.

     My aunts, who I only got back in touch with a year and a half ago, are finally doing really well and have a lot of good things going on.

     My Godson took his first steps a couple weeks ago and I am not at all ready for this.

     My mom has a second interview at a job she could really use right now. (Prayers, good vibes, or just a nice thought would be strongly appreciated for her, if you have a spare moment.)

     My friends. I'm not even gonna attempt to list all you fuckers. You know who you are.

     The fact that I'm still here today when I've wanted to give up so many times. I made it this far so I might as well keep going.

      What are the good things in your life right now?

Thursday, April 7, 2016

F is for Filters

     Between recently chopping off somewhere between four and five inches of my hair and discovering the new Snapchat filters, I've become slightly obsessed with selfies. I'm so sorry.

     I'm so sorry.

     If you're not sick of me yet, you can add me on Snapchat at rachel.kathleen because they change filters every day and I'm having way too much fun with it.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

E is for Education

     Education is so important, but it's not only found in schools. You don't only learn when you take a class, tests, and get a diploma to say that you learned something.

     I don't have a highschool diploma. I'm three credits short, all math. While I'm working on trying to change that (which, right now, is mostly trying to find time to change that), I can tell you that I'm not stupid. I'm not uneducated. I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I can still honestly say that I'm smart.

     Do you know how to play an instrument? That's not just skill, but it takes intelligent. You have to know about how the instrument works to know how to play it. I don't know about that.

     Do you know about sports? There are so many rules, regulations, plays, even different teams and players to know about. I know next to nothing about sports.

     Do you know about computers? All the programs, how to fix minor issues, little keyboard shortcuts that many people don't know exist. I know multiple people who have even built their own computers. Not my strong suit at all.

     Do you know how to handle people? Customer service is one of the most difficult jobs that you can have. It doesn't take much paper-education, but it takes people skills and knowledge on how to handle situations, plus being able to think on your feet incredibly fast so that you don't get screamed at by somebody. (No, for real, I was screamed at and told my store would fail because I wouldn't accept a pair of shoes back that the lady completely destroyed.)

     Do you know about fashion? Just because it's clothes/shoes, doesn't mean it makes it useless knowledge. Somebody has to be out there designing the next big trend and making new things that everyone likes.

     I don't know much about anything I listed so far, but let me tell you what I personally know about.

     I know a lot about medical and mental illness, especially considering I've never studied it outside of highschool level. I know about different signs when somebody is on drugs and which drugs they're on. I know body language. I know how to rescue a lot of types of animals, but cats are my strong suit. I know about hair and how to take care of it, especially when you dye it often. I know more about rental/leasing than the lady who works in my apartment complex lobby.

     You know things. You know so much. Your brain is a collection of thoughts and ideas and facts. The one thing that you don't know, is how brilliant you actually are.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

D is for Don't Send (unsolicited) Dick Pics

     I, by some miracle, have never been sent a dick pic.

     (This is not an invitation to do so because I will report you because I am stating here that it is not, in any way, wanted.)

     If you send a consensual and legal picture of any part of your body, that's fine. Do your thing (provided it's legal and consensual).

     Did you know that even if you're one day before your legalized birthday (check with your location for specific ages) then it is still technically child porn? Did you know that if, for example, the legal age where you are is 18 and you send the picture at 17 years and 364 days, you have broken a law? But if somebody shares it, it's also illegal? Don't break the law, kids.

     Did you know that if you send an unsolicited sexual picture to anyone, that person you sent it to can claim sexual harassment? Did you know that if you sent a consensual sexual picture and they spread it without your permission, then you can still claim sexual harassment? Only do legal and consensual stuff, non-kids. (Kids can't legally do any of that so I'm not including y'all in the thing.)

     Do I think dick pics are wrong? No.

     Do I think porn is wrong? No.

     Do I think twat shots are wrong? No.

     What do I think is wrong? Snapping a sexual picture (with or without being underage) and sending it to somebody who does not want to receive it and/or sharing it with anyone outside of the intended person(s).

     And do not even start with the "well don't take nudes if you don't want them shared" shit. Better not have a house unless you wanna be robbed. Better not be alive unless you wanna be killed. Better not have a car unless you want it stolen and then used to drive around half the population of your city.

     Why is only "dick pic" in the title? Because my friend suggested I write a post about dicks, but we're all about equal rights here, so I had to include a little talk about vaginas too.

     What the hell is this post.

Monday, April 4, 2016

C is for Cats

     Why does everyone say that cats are evil or compare them to Satan?

     I've had many cats over my life time. They've all been very cuddly and soft. Some of them liked to play. They all loved tuna. One would arrange some combs on our bathroom counter so she could pet herself. One even liked water.

     Is it because they don't greet you at the door like dogs do? Because I had cats that would do that too. One would jump into my arms every time I got home from school.

     Is it because you think you can't train them? Excuse me, but, litter box. And if you think you can't train them for that, you are wrong. My grandparents (the bad ones on my dad's side) think that. When they got their cats declawed (which I am so not going to have a debate about here), they used the rock litter. Of course the cats wouldn't want to use that. I wouldn't want to walk on rocks if I had surgery on my toes. Try cleaning the box or using different litter (or torn up news paper).

     Is it because they don't do tricks? Use an electric can opener to open some tuna and watch how magically fast your cat appears. That is a trick all on its own.

     Is it because, like snakes, they always seem to belong to the villains in movies? Because cats are pretty chill creatures. They don't care if their human is murdering people or feeding the homeless, as long as they're getting their food and chin scratches too.

     Is it because they don't like their stomachs being pet? Do you like your stomach being pet? No? Me neither.

     There, now you have to like cats. Unless you're allergic. If you're allergic, I strongly suggest that you do not like cats, for your own safety.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

B is for Busy

     I'm so busy right now.

     So busy that was literally all I had time to write when I attempted to start this post two days ago. While I was writing it, I was also helping my mom update her resume, trying to reply back to comments, and still being overwhelmed with comments from a post. On top of that, but I was trying to do the adult thing of making dinner.

     I'm slightly less busy right now. I'm going to order pizza (due to a misunderstanding, I ate the dinner we were supposed to have tonight which was so not enough for two people) so I kind of have to provide food. And I get paid tomorrow so I might as well treat us a little bit,

     I worked this morning for a few hours and I even had time to stop at the salon to get my hair done. I only wanted it trimmed, no more than three inches cut, but my dead ends were so bad that it ended up being four inches just to get it one length from all the breakage and another half-one inch to even that up. On the bright side, my hair should be a lot easier to style now.

     Once I save this post, I'm going to restart my laptop (there's a little pop up box yelling at me) and start laundry. Because I've been so busy that I forgot I probably need clean pants for tomorrow. I'm not sure my bosses would appreciate it if I just showed up pantsless.

     Fuck you, spellcheck, pantsless is totally a word.

Friday, April 1, 2016

A is for Advice

     In an attempt to get back into the swing of things and in trying to not let my most recent battle with depression/anxiety rule my life, I've decided to stick with my original plan on doing the A to Z Challenge again this year. And believe me, I was looking for every excuse not to. But if I do that, then it's something I know I enjoy that I'll just be giving up because my asshole brain is being a lying mcliarface asshole.

     And I wanted to thank everyone who stopped by to show their support, almost all of whom came over because my bloggy mama asked them to. I'm trying my best to keep up with the comments (I will always reply, but sometimes it takes a little time because I haven't been getting email alerts for new comments) and I will be stopping by everyone's blogs to thank them again, but it's gonna take a little bit of time.

     If you ever need advice, please look at the last post I used but scroll down to the comment section. Ignore everything I said and just look at everything that was suggested to me. I won't put it here because I'm trying to keep this pretty short and I can't include everyone, but please, go take a look at it.

     Outside of that blog post's comments, some of the best advice I ever got was from my mom. She told me. "There are some things that you'll never get over. Not in a million years. You have to fight through it and allow yourself to feel and grieve and be angry. You're human." I actually have a plan to get part of that tattooed on my wrist, written in her handwriting.

     My bloggy mama (linked above) Janie Junebug has also reminded me that when you come from an abusive background, the best thing that you can tell yourself is, "It's not me. He's crazy. He doesn't know love. He's crazy."

     My best friend from Alabama told me, "Keep your head up princess  or your crown will fall. And a prince(ss) never lets their crown fall." Because you should walk around with pride that you have made it to today and nothing should ever let you feel like you aren't royalty.

     And countless people that I can't even begin to list have told me that when you feel like locking yourself away because you feel like nobody loves you or wants to help, the absolute best thing to do is reach out for help. Because there is always somebody who cares, even complete strangers. You are so loved and you have so much to offer the world. Please fight through this.

     To anyone struggling, please speak out. I am not at all a trained professional and I don't even have my highschool diploma, but I'm willing to listen. My contact page is now updated so you should always be able to reach me.

     But please, if you're feeling like you might hurt yourself or somebody else, I beg you to call the suicide hotline. Somebody there will be able to help you and give you resources to help yourself.